Suicide is Painless (1120 hits)
Category: Politics -> RepublicansRating: 0.53 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by 10c7c (View user info) at 2004-10-28 00:09:05 EDT
The wind brushed across his freshly shaved head. He reached his hand to his forehead and then gently ran it over his scalp, feeling the funny sensation that was provided by the tiny flickback of the now shortened hairs of his number two haircut. His hair had been quite long before it had been cut, and it had been a while since he had felt this sensation. There was a beauty in the feeling; it was experimental perfection. He understood that if he simply slowed down this world, and accepted nothing but that single focus, he could create greatness. He smoothed his hand over his forehead now, the difference in textures was amusing; the rest of the world was dead and silent to him, if only for a single moment.
'Hey cutie!'
-His moment was broken by the voice from below; once more he was distracted by the people that inhabited this earth with him.
'Hey whats up?' he called back down with a faked grin on his face.
'You are! What the hell are you doing up there?'
-He thought for a moment, trying to think up a feasible answer for why he was currently sitting on his roof looking down at her. Her name was Stef, she lived nearby, and he had known her for a year at least. They were fairly close and he knew she could see through him; he hated her for it. He smiled a fake smile, the vague absurdity of the situation amusing him.
'Not much, just checking out the ladies, haha.'
'Oh cool, checking me out?'
-He wasnt sure what to say, but his smile fell for that split second; his confident facade exposed. She looked disappointed in the awkward pause.
'Sure, sure.' His voice trailed off as he ran his hand back through his hair.
'Ok, well, I better head home, nice seeing you'
'Yeah, you too, cya'
He watched her walk away, whilst appreciating her ass he felt an anger grow inside him. He wasnt sure exactly why he hated them so much. It was just their simplicity he supposed. How could these people be real, happily living a life that was destined to end. How could they really be so distracted by the acquisition of material goods. Why did they care so deeply about what other humans thought of them, yet not truly caring about the really less fortunate ones. They were questions to which he didnt know the answer. He could never even come close to relating to those that didnt even contemplate the futility of their supposed existance. They only considered the real questions of life when stoned at a party. The wave of terror he had felt that morning hit him again with full impact.
It scared him, the speed at which his life was hurtling towards its conclusion. His eventual death was often all he was able to think off. He had owned pets before, one dog and one cat. They were both dead now. After his cat has died he decided not to get another animal; to feed, to care for, and then to watch die. He couldn't handle it, there seemed no point in the madness. In a sense it was exactly how he saw his own life. There seemed no point in participating, in enjoying, if it was all lost in the end. A rich business man and a hobo on the streets would eventualy suffer the same fate, and then be forgotten by the world. All he could see through his schoolwork, his social life and his family affairs was the undeniable and inevitable blackness at the end of his journey. Every second he wasted was rushing him faster towards the end point.
Suicide is painless, It brings on many changes,
And I can take or leave them as I please.
There was only one logical choice to make. He would regain some control over the only aspect of his life he could control; the time of his death. Through his own choice he felt he could at least alter his destiny, stop this rush of pain and futility by ending it his own way at his own time. He stared down at the hard concrete far beneath him now and his head began to spin. It was time. This time he would end it all. His head began to swim as the fear within him rose to his head; it felt like a dizzying blood rush. He stood on the edge of the roof and focussed on his purpose. There was no way that he could submit again to the fear in his heart; he must forget all emotions, all relations. His thoughts trailed off as the very ground beneath him seemed to change. It was swirling now, like a whirlpool. The concrete bricks were melting in to each other, and spinning faster and faster, it was inviting him to jump. He would find his hell at last; he repeated to himself: It is time. He reached his hand up to his hair one last time, when he was distracted for a split second by something on his arm.
It was sunlight that had glinted off his wrist, and he looked down to see it was a reflection from his watch. He slowly understood the meaning of the hands on the watch, it was 6:30pm. Oh no, 6:30 already! He quickly got out his phone, dialing a number in to the keypad while retreating back from the edge of the roof and down the ladder back to his house.
'Hey dude sup?
'Yeah man not much' came the voice on the other end.
'Shit you going to Damien's tonight yeah? How you getting there?'
'Driving, im the desi for tonight. You bring me some drinks and Ill pick you up haha.'
'Alright alright, ill grab some dong from the parents, give me a buzz when your out the front.'
'Sweet, catchya.'
He couldnt believe he had forgotten all about the party, he wondered if Stef would want to come along. It was gonna be a great night.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is fairly autobiographical of a time in my life. Im not the only one who has been there right?
Its not so much about suicide as it is the way we fake through the game of life. People always say be yourself, but if I was myself, there would be a lot of dead people and I would be committed or in jail. =/
User Reviews
Submitted by Happy-Tree-Friend (user info) at 2004-11-17 07:36:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Asylem (user info) at 2004-11-16 10:09:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-11-16 06:59:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This quite sucked
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-11-10 22:06:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-11-10 21:57:31 (#)
Ranking: -2
It's the azn nigga fuck the rest
Dallas to New York jigga, we the best
Vietnam to Japan to Mongolia
Philippines to Taiwan to Cambodia
Korea, ah ah, hometown China
who you got, huh?
you got shit nigga, feel the size
it's the A-Z-N better recognize
got rice, bitch? got rice?
got food, got soup, got spice?
got brains like us? got skills like us?
got cars? got clothes? got girls like us?
wassup we the shit and we kill ya'll fools
we got money in the bank from our family jewels
can we help it if we raid and corrupt the schools?
it don't matter fuck the law shit we break the rules
we jack cars, pop games, yo we got the tools
flip it up, break it down then we shoot some pool,
you fuck with me, you fuck with all bitch, don't think it's cool
one on one fuck that it's three on one no duels
got rice bitch? got rice?
anything you can show that is nice?
got cash,got moves, got thoughts like us?
Fuck no, Hell you white you'll never be like us
Take off your shoes when you enter please
or Crawl around on the floor with your fucking knees
don't mind the smell you'll get used to it
moth balls, fried squid, and that buddha shit
what the hell is that you think i don't see
no forks in the house chops sticks only
have a taste don't be scared try the lemon tea
you don't want thats alright try the fuck on me
Got rice bitch, got rice?
Got luck anytime you roll the dice?
your luck is bad unless you run and hide,
coz we're thugs for life baby, Asian Pride...
It's the azn nigga fuck the rest
Dallas to New York jigga, we the best
Vietnam to Japan to Mongolia
Philippines to Taiwan to Cambodia
Korea, ah ah, hometown China
who you got, huh?
you got shit nigga, feel the size
it's the A-Z-N better recognize
got rice, bitch? got rice?
got food, got soup, got spice?
got brains like us? got skills like us?
got cars? got clothes? got girls like us?
wassup we the shit and we kill ya'll fools
we got money in the bank from our family jewels
can we help it if we raid and corrupt the schools?
it don't matter fuck the law shit we break the rules
we jack cars, pop games, yo we got the tools
flip it up, break it down then we shoot some pool,
you fuck with me, you fuck with all bitch, don't think it's cool
one on one fuck that it's three on one no duels
got rice bitch? got rice?
anything you can show that is nice?
got cash,got moves, got thoughts like us?
Fuck no, Hell you white you'll never be like us
Take off your shoes when you enter please
or Crawl around on the floor with your fucking knees
don't mind the smell you'll get used to it
moth balls, fried squid, and that buddha shit
what the hell is that you think i don't see
no forks in the house chops sticks only
have a taste don't be scared try the lemon tea
you don't want thats alright try the fuck on me
Got rice bitch, got rice?
Got luck anytime you roll the dice?
your luck is bad unless you run and hide,
coz we're thugs for life baby, Asian Pride...
It's the azn nigga fuck the rest
Dallas to New York jigga, we the best
Vietnam to Japan to Mongolia
Philippines to Taiwan to Cambodia
Korea, ah ah, hometown China
who you got, huh?
you got shit nigga, feel the size
it's the A-Z-N better recognize
got rice, bitch? got rice?
got food, got soup, got spice?
got brains like us? got skills like us?
got cars? got clothes? got girls like us?
wassup we the shit and we kill ya'll fools
we got money in the bank from our family jewels
can we help it if we raid and corrupt the schools?
it don't matter fuck the law shit we break the rules
we jack cars, pop games, yo we got the tools
flip it up, break it down then we shoot some pool,
you fuck with me, you fuck with all bitch, don't think it's cool
one on one fuck that it's three on one no duels
got rice bitch? got rice?
anything you can show that is nice?
got cash,got moves, got thoughts like us?
Fuck no, Hell you white you'll never be like us
Take off your shoes when you enter please
or Crawl around on the floor with your fucking knees
don't mind the smell you'll get used to it
moth balls, fried squid, and that buddha shit
what the hell is that you think i don't see
no forks in the house chops sticks only
have a taste don't be scared try the lemon tea
you don't want thats alright try the fuck on me
Got rice bitch, got rice?
Got luck anytime you roll the dice?
your luck is bad unless you run and hide,
coz we're thugs for life baby, Asian Pride...
It's the azn nigga fuck the rest
Dallas to New York jigga, we the best
Vietnam to Japan to Mongolia
Philippines to Taiwan to Cambodia
Korea, ah ah, hometown China
who you got, huh?
you got shit nigga, feel the size
it's the A-Z-N better recognize
got rice, bitch? got rice?
got food, got soup, got spice?
got brains like us? got skills like us?
got cars? got clothes? got girls like us?
wassup we the shit and we kill ya'll fools
we got money in the bank from our family jewels
can we help it if we raid and corrupt the schools?
it don't matter fuck the law shit we break the rules
we jack cars, pop games, yo we got the tools
flip it up, break it down then we shoot some pool,
you fuck with me, you fuck with all bitch, don't think it's cool
one on one fuck that it's three on one no duels
got rice bitch? got rice?
anything you can show that is nice?
got cash,got moves, got thoughts like us?
Fuck no, Hell you white you'll never be like us
Take off your shoes when you enter please
or Crawl around on the floor with your fucking knees
don't mind the smell you'll get used to it
moth balls, fried squid, and that buddha shit
what the hell is that you think i don't see
no forks in the house chops sticks only
have a taste don't be scared try the lemon tea
you don't want thats alright try the fuck on me
Got rice bitch, got rice?
Got luck anytime you roll the dice?
your luck is bad unless you run and hide,
coz we're thugs for life baby, Asian Pride...
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-11-10 22:04:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
LOOK OUT FOR CHARLIES UP IN THE TREES
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-11-09 09:16:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No, YOU eat a fucking dick.
Submitted by Shizae (user info) at 2004-11-02 16:36:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why I keep coming back to this, I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm sitting at my desk with a knife in front of me wanting to end it. Maybe it's because I'm trying to find a life on Ubersite, the life I lack in the Real World. I have no friends, I doubt anyone in the real world or Uber would care if I were to die.
Submitted by Despiadado (user info) at 2004-11-02 04:40:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-11-02 01:02:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I am super. And thank YOU for asking.
Submitted by juanfco at 2004-11-01 18:22:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the worst is the nubmness when you just cant feal anything, you see life going by you and you just can't seam to participate. you want to feal happy you whant to be loved hell you would settle for miserable if only you could just feal something.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-10-29 22:31:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
darko, ive never been through the system and hope i never have to, but thankyou for your thoughts and i wish you all the best.
Well maybe i exaggerated a bit, i was only there for a week and even then it was just them moving me from one section of the hospital to a different section just for psychological cases. Though it wasn't all bad, i got to make soem killer arts and craft stuff. My favorite is the book end that i painted wish you were here on. And yeah, it's easy to fake it and get by, but sometimes you just want more to life than that.
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-10-29 01:58:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well, i really dont need to talk about my depression any more i dont think. not unless i relapse again
but if you wanna add me anyway just to chat, videorenta.at.hotmail.com
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-10-29 01:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I run trillian, sweets. If you have yahoo or MSN, I can give you those too. Just an option, k?
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-10-29 01:39:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks sepsis and seralena, sorry tho i dont have AIM. if i ever get it ill add you =)
btw seralena, i love the whole reciprical(sp? nfi) post ratings haha
phallic: not if they fight back.... trust me on this one :P
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-10-29 01:14:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Depression is for nuns. I'll tell ya one thing that's even more painless than suicide, and that's murder...
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-10-29 01:03:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I may not be great at it, but AIM me if you ever want to talk: Seralena
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-10-28 18:52:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-10-28 13:11:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
heh, thanks bob and insane
scrumdown: hmm... stef doesnt actually exist; the characters in what i write generally are symbolic of something else, but i think i got the message and thanks for the encouragement. like i said it was autobiographic of a 'time in my life', not exactly now...
oh and btw, hope you hooked up with your 'stef' haha
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-10-28 12:28:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scrumdown (user info) at 2004-10-28 12:20:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Intrigued by the notion of suicide as a control mechanism as I am, suicidal thoughts still bum me out. Just drink more beer dude, and try to talk to Steph. I knew a Steph once and she was wicked hot.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-10-28 10:38:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-10-28 10:17:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks zakalwe, i thought my computer might have screwed up.
Shizae: Anyone understand this, anyone actually going through/been through this? I'm not talking about a week of depression, I'm talking about a lifetime.
yeah, ive felt like that many times. its like im not some teeny bopper that is upset over an issue, its like an ongoing part of my life; sometimes i handle it better than others. the past couple of years have been quite good to me (i see the hypocrisy yes) but still i have lapses all the time. alcohol and substance abuse is a way out, but really so few people understand it (the mindset). from what youve said i think we are slightly different, but to some degree i get what your saying.
darko, ive never been through the system and hope i never have to, but thankyou for your thoughts and i wish you all the best.
and btw, 'i told them what they wanted to hear' shit i can relate to that so much its not funny
i got a serious response from mang that im quite proud of, if your interested im definitely gonna be writing up a lot more of my more.... philosophical ideas up on ubersite so stay tuned
noob, sorry im a little confused with that, feel free to explain though
and finally AwesomeJohnson, yes yes it does haha, glad someone picked up the reference. was kinda disappointed tho that it didnt come out in italics, it seems so shitty the way it is. ubersite needs an italics recogniser... =/
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-10-28 09:44:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
M*A*S*H rules
Submitted by N00B1337 (user info) at 2004-10-28 09:40:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The world is so constructed, that if you wish to enjoy its pleasures,
you must also endure its pains. Whether you like it or not, you cannot
have one without the other. --Swami Brahmananda, Discipline Monastique
There was once a king who was going to put to death many people, but
before doing so he offered a challenge. If any of them could come up
with something which would make him happy when he was sad, and sad
when he was happy, he would spare their lives.
All night the wise men meditated on the matter.
In the morning they brought the king a ring. The king said that he did
not see how the ring would serve to make him happy when he was sad and
sad when he was happy.
The wise men pointed to the inscription. When the king read it, he was
so delighted that he spared them all.
And the inscription? "This too shall pass."
--Ram Dass, Journey of Awakening
The mark
of your ignorance is the depth
of your belief in injustice
and tragedy.
What the caterpillar
calls the end of the world,
the master calls a
butterfly.
-- Richard Bach, Illusions
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-10-28 09:34:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
10c7c - the reviews of those who haven't posted don't count. That was Shizae's first. Also means KoolMang's alter spammings don't count. Only been this way for a few weeks. Firefly may be the only exception.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-10-28 09:21:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Death is just the final firing of brain neurons... Past that it's sleep and nothing more. You don't know you're asleep until you wake up, so you won't know when you die.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-10-28 07:20:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by heyzues (user info) at 2004-10-28 05:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I get like that in the mornings.....but only in the mornings, like when I'm standing in front of the mirror brushing my teeth I contemplate life, and I get this big fear of death and growing old. Then I look down at my enormous penis and my troubles just float away.(I forget where I got that from)
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-10-28 02:36:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This wasn't bad; worth reading at least. Life is interesting, and death moreso.
Submitted by Negative_Two_Mang (user info) at 2004-10-28 01:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's how I feel, but I know there is something after death, there HAS to be. It CAN'T just be blackness, because how could we tell?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-10-28 00:50:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm still there too shizae. Wasn't diagnosed with depression till i took 70some tylenol pms hoping i would just od on tylenol. After that spent a week in a mental hospital, but those people don't really care. Even with my psychiatrist now he thinks he's done such a good job in shaping me when in fact nothing's changed, other than i told them what they wanted to hear. And at night i lay awake thinking that the worse part about attempting suicide and failing is that you live to see the devestation you caused to your family. And now you know you can't do it again no matter how much i want to. So i'm just living a meaningless existence wishing for death. i know exactly what you are talking about.
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-10-28 00:49:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well i gtg, but just a question for the more experienced uber users
why am i 0 from one rating, when that person gave me a +2?
is there something im missing?
Submitted by Shizae (user info) at 2004-10-28 00:35:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been there. Actually, I'm still there. Almost every day I think about ending it all, how peacefull it would finally be. When people tell me to be myself and I do, they then bitch at me for being depressed all the time, but that's me. I have medical depression, but they all say I can just be happy. It's not that easy, is it? Anyone understand this, anyone actually going through/been through this? I'm not talking about a week of depression, I'm talking about a lifetime.