My own pet midget. (757 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 0.25 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (View user info) at 2004-10-29 14:42:23 EDT
I was reading the news the other day, and stumbled upon the awesomest thing I have ever seen. Scientists have discovered 13,000 year old fossils in Indonesia of a human like creature. It was thought that the last of these guys died out hundreds of thousands of years ago. Now what made this awesome is 1) That these guys were 3 feet tall and 2) There is no good reaon to believe there are none left. Local legends have told of tiny people called "ebu gogo" living deep in the rainforest, who murmor to eachother and repeat words said to them.
Now, what if we found a couple of these things, and bred them? Can you imagine all we could do with a species of midgets at our disposal? We'd have to take advantage of the situation quickly, before hippies decided that they deserved rights. First someone would have to set up a market to sell them as slaves, or "pets". With a name like as adorable as "ebu gogo" they're sure to fly off shelves. Now although their brains are smaller than those of chimps, these things could (can) talk, make tools, and boats. They're basically humans, divided by two. Imagine the benefits of having a pet ebu gogo.
1) A rebirth of slavery - The government claims all men - meaning Homo Sapiens - are created equal. Any other hominid is still fair game. Can your dog get you a beer from the fridge, get the mail, and do taxes? Most likely, no.
2) Currency - once we'd bred enough of them, ebu gogos could become as good as currency. Kids could trade their ebu gogo's at school, major corporations could be bought in exchange for a million strong army of ebu gogos.
3) Politics - Lets say the hippies got their way, and ebu gogo's, being close to humans, got the right to vote, but could still be slaves. Since you owned them, you could practically force them to vote for your candidate. Elections would be a battle of who had the most ebu gogo's. Eventually, a party of ebu gogo's would probably form, but this would not be a major change, as it would not be the first time primitive, chimp-like humans have taken up a major political positions.
4) Work/School - Train your ebu gogo to do your job, or at least punch in for you on time in the morning. As a colloge student, you could sleep through the day, and have your ebu gogo give you a brief synopsis of all you missed.
5) Designated Drivers - Train your ebu gogo to drive, the need to have a designated driver is gone. And imagine the sight of a cop pulling a car over, seeing a bunch of noisy drunk people in the back, with a sober looking, irritated midget-apeman in the drivers seet.
6) War - Imagine invasions being conducted by hundreds of thousands of ebu gogos. Since they aren't really our species, they'd be considered a lot more expendable. More importanly, drab and depressing news reports could be made much more entertaining by the sight of roving bands of heavily armed ebu gogo's in the background.
User Reviews
Submitted by D. Trump <dtrump.at.aol.com> at 2004-11-10 20:33:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
very entertaining.. and somewhat distubing..
Submitted by AJay <KutTheKrap.at.aol.com> at 2004-11-05 16:22:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very amusing and entertaining. I sure hope these amazing creatures are still extant!
Submitted by beth <bsmurf14.at.aol.com> at 2004-11-04 09:22:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mles76 (user info) at 2004-10-29 18:01:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I read that article. Cool shit.
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-10-29 17:46:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
me neither
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-10-29 15:54:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't read this either
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-10-29 15:05:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't read this. Some advice - use paragraphs.
People aren't going to rate your posts if it's impossible to read them.