Long Story Short (2301 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.42 on 133 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Uber Madness 2004 (View user info) at 2004-10-29 17:10:23 EDT
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This post is officially part of UberMadness!. Click here for more information on the rules and restrictions. |
Entry 1
The bartender slid yet another shot glass of tequila down the bar. The middle aged man watched it with bleary eyes until it was in front of him, then brought his hand down in what was obviously supposed to be a snappy, fluid motion, designed to stop the glass and pick it up. He misjudged by a fair bit, due in great part to the last six shotglasses that had slid his way, and knocked the drink over. He watched the clear liquid spread over the bar, freed and searching for adventure in the peanut shells and cigarette ash, with a dull lack of interest."Barkeep! Another drink!"
The bartender rolled his eyes. "Rob, in the first place, you've known me for fifteen years. I think you can call me Sam now. And in the second, your less than thrilling hand eye co-ordination is telling me you may have had enough to drink."
With a look that Rob thought of as sly and keenly intelligent, but that came across as drunken owlish blinking, the dishevelled man said "But the last one appears to have disappeared. Therefore, I didn't drink it. Therefore, my level of ineb - ineber - inebb - drunkness is the same as it was when you decided to give me THAT drink, therefore you've already made the decision."
"Oh, for crying out loud." Sam filled another glass and placed it in front of Rob. "Now drink it, and go home. The bar is empty for a reason, my drunken friend; it's closing time."
Rob peered around, and seemed surprised to find the bar deserted. "Slow night, isn't it?"
"No, Rob. It was a pretty fast night around seven, when you got here. There was a brawl at eight. You started it, if I remember correctly. A hen's night group wandered in at around nine, and they broke three tables before the police took them away. At eleven, the local rugby team came in for their darts night. At midnight, the local rugby team broke the dartboard over the head of the captain. It's now two in the morning, and yes, Rob; it's pretty damned quiet."
Rob stared at Sam. "All that happened tonight?"
"While you've been sitting there, yep."
"I never noticed."
"You never do. Tonight, though, I think it was because you were busy trying to convince the young woman next to you to accompany you home and 'see what a real man has to offer'."
Rob's eyes misted over. "She was a pretty thing, wasn't she? Sassy, too - she played hard to get."
"She was waiting for her girlfriend."
Rob waved this away as immaterial, and stared into his shot glass. "Did I ever tell you about the one that got away, Sam?"
"One?"
"Well, the only important one that got away."
Sam sighed. He put down the glass he was cleaning and leaned on the bar across from Rob, lighting a cigarette with the practised flourish of a years-long smoker. "Well, you may as well tell me. It's not as though I have anywhere else to be."
Rob raised his glass in a small, sardonic toast. "Amen to that," he said. He stared into space for a few moments, collecting his thoughts, and then he began.
"I was a young man, only twenty.. or twenty-one, I forget which. No, wait - this was the year my grandmother died, so I would have been twenty. I think. Unless it was after July - "
Sam interrupted. "Can you just give me the short version?"
Rob looked at Sam in disbelief. "This is the story of a lifetime. It's about love and life and heartbreak. It's about adventure, money, betrayal, birth, death, and everything in between. This, my friend, is a story on an epic scale; and you want me to cut it short?"
"Yes. Just.. give me the end of it."
"The end."
"Yes."
"Well, okay, Sam. If that's what you want."
Rob stared into his glass again. His lips moved silently as he sorted through the draughty warehouse of his mind and gathered the tattered pages of the end of his greatest story.
"Right. Well, after the Egyptian girl put her clothes back on, and we got the elephant out of the living room, we still had to work out what to do with the million dollars. If you'll remember, the million dollars was strapped to the chipmunk. So we did what any couple in love would do; we shot it through the head and used the million to pay off the Mafia. Afterwards, we tried to make it work, but too much had happened. The last I saw of her, she was riding off on the back of Johnny Two-Finger's horse. And that's the end. The story of the one that got away."
Sam blinked. Rob smiled.
"You did that on purpose, didn't you Rob? That's not the real ending of the story, is it?"
Rob slipped unsteadily from the barstool and shrugged into his coat without deigning to answer.
"Rob? Rob! Is that the real story? Who was the Egyptian girl? How did the elephant get there? Why did you have to pay off the Mafia? Rob?"
Rob waved goodnight as he opened the door and braced his shoulders against the cold wind. The last thing he said before he walked home that night was "Long story short, my ass. See you tomorrow, Sam."
- VS -
Entry 2
Dave stood there alone, alone on top of the world.Well, physically, he did. Mentally, he was as low as a person could go, clinging to the last desperate strands of sanity.
Standing there, on top of a building thirty stories high, Dave could see the streets of Los Angeles below, running geometrically like mesh on a screen door. On those streets, he saw infinitesimal people mulling this way and that, never stopping, never waiting, never noticing anything but where they were going. Least of all should they look up and notice Dave, a faint blot against the high morning sky.
Dave wouldn't admit it, but at this time in his life, he wanted them to see him, to acknowledge his presence, to shout his name one last time. But this wasn't like the old days. No one wanted to see him, and why should they? He was old, past his prime, a VH1 Behind the Music special waiting to happen. A special they'd undoubtedly start after today.
Dave sat on the edge of the building, feet dangling into the abyss. Reaching behind him, he pulled out his guitar and a bottle of Jack Daniels, the true drink of rock 'n' roll. He started to play the hit song his band, PassiveFist, had recorded way back in 1981, the one that had shaped the rest of their career.
Even after all these years, his fingers still knew how to find all the right strings, even after years and years of drug and alcohol abuse had killed his nervous system.
At first, he just strummed out the rhythm, playing for the sake of playing. But as he started to get back into the flow of the song, he felt himself humming along, until eventually Dave was belting it out just like he did in the 80's. He was entranced in the song, under the spell of lost things past, and he found he could not let go.
Finally, his fingers ran out of notes to play, and the song came to an end. Dave sat there for a long while, watching the empty air, reminiscing about the past, the good ol' days. Slowly, a tear trickled from his eye and down his face. It clung to his cheek for one brief second, then slowly dripped off and fell into oblivion.
Dave sighed, a gut-wrenching sigh that would steal a man's soul away. He set the guitar on the ground next to him, and reached for the Jack Daniels. With a toast to the shining sun, Dave drank heavily from the bottle, and then threw the remains back onto the roof behind him. Dave saw the bitter irony of a shattered man, broken by years of alcohol, in the shards of whiskey-covered glass.
Picking up his guitar one last time, he brought it to his lips, and gave it a fond farewell kiss. He would have no more need for such a thing. He gently placed it onto the roof behind him, and then got to his feet.
Dave raised his arms to the heavens, in his mind calling for the crowd to cheer him one final time. This was his farewell tour, the show to end all shows. "And I'll be damned if I don't go out with a bang," thought Dave.
He closed his eyes, and gave one last stage dive to the crowd he knew would never catch him, never save him from that cold stone floor.
The ground grew beneath him, feeding off Dave's doubts and fears. But Dave didn't notice. He was too busy watching his life flash before his eyes.
He saw himself as a young child, no more than four or five years old, getting his first guitar for Christmas, a toy no more than two feet tall. Holding it in his tiny hands, even then Dave knew that this was a tool meant for him, that he would wield this craft with complete mastery.
Then he saw himself in his garage, with the founding members of PassiveFist, having their first band rehearsal. They were all terrible, except for one: Dave. His fingers flew across the neck of the guitar, utterly wailing on the poor guitar. The rest of the band could only pray to keep up with the awesome riff of Dave, but even God couldn't help them. Dave was in his own little world.
Flash back to reality, and Dave has just reached the twenty-fifth floor. The people beneath him are still relatively small, and Dave knows he still has a way to fall.
Suddenly, he was back at his first professional gig, a small club in a scummy part of town. Although the band is nervous, Dave's merciless attack on his guitar fuels their fire, and they put on a great show. The entire crowd of twelve leaves buzzing, and the PassiveFist craze is born.
Cut to the end of the first concert of PassiveFist's opening tour. The band has just come off the stage, sweating and excited, the crowd still cheering them on, crying for an encore. PassiveFist is a hit. Meanwhile, a young groupie is making eyes at Dave, eating his soul with her seductive eyes. He is powerless to resist her; that night, they become one in the back of the tour bus.
The vision disappears, and Dave estimates he's just passed the twentieth floor or so. He closes his eyes and continues waiting for the end.
Opening his eyes, Dave looks down and sees he's wearing a tuxedo. Across from him, the groupie, now slightly older, is wearing a gown of angelic white. Before Dave knows what is happening, he is saying those two magic words, the words that would make this woman his bride. He puts the ring on her finger, and they kiss a kiss that would seal their love forever.
Turns out forever equates to three years in the real world. His beautiful groupie bride leaves him for the PassiveFist bass player, marking the beginning of the end. Dave tries heroin for the first time three days later.
Still falling, Dave is getting annoyed. It shouldn't be taking him this long to hit the ground. Fifteen or so floors to go...
Dave is in the hospital, after having just OD'ed on opium. The remaining original members of PassiveFist are there by his side. Dave sees the drum player, his long-time friend Mark, crying silently into his hands. He is later told his ex-wife left a hasty message on his answering machine expressing grief in between mattress squeaks and faint grunts.
Dave is found in the back of the tour bus with a razor to his arm. The first signs of blood are beginning to erupt through the skin. Dave is checked into a rehabilitation clinic. While inside, the band breaks up, having no lead singer to guide them. They do not regroup.
The flashbacks end, and Dave is still plummeting to his doom.
"Damn it!" he screams in his mind. "Why is this taking so long! Why don't I just die already! Do you hear me God? I want to die! Quit fucking around!"
If God heard this ill-tempered prayer, He certainly wasn't listening. Time continued flowing at an awkward crawl, infuriating Dave and making him curse the skies.
Just as Dave was about to give up and close his eyes, he passed the fifth floor and saw a young child thrashing around his room. Across the walls were posters of Dave and PassiveFist, and now Dave noticed, the child had a guitar in his hands. It was obviously too large for the kid, but still the boy danced on, having the time of his life pretending he was the lead singer of the once great PassiveFist.
Soon Dave's falling made him lose sight of the boy in the room, but his open eyes still watched the window as if he had just seen the Immaculate Conception.
At the moment he reached the second floor, Dave had a revelation. Sure, he may not be on top anymore, but there were still the fans. He would always live on through them. And it gave him hope.
The number of floors left to fall was almost out, having only one left to give. Time returned to normal at that point, making that last long story short.
Entry 1:
absolutes
AsshOly
Badlands
Bigmike
bob
CanucksFan
cexshun
Circe
cnympho247
Coyote
d_prime
darko
Dervel
Disektor
Durae
engine13
gbusman
Gnome
godking
GodLovesALittleLovin
hyprspacd
jack11058
jimbo
JonnyX
LadyPlural
littlestar8603
loki
Loren1
maiorano84
Method
oddity420
omnifica
Orla
Pringles4eva
rad1101
redraven
ruthless
ScoutCJustice
shark25
Snark
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
Spuds002
Stin
sublime
thaumaturge
TigerLilly
tlozoot
Vermin
William_Q_Percy
zakalwe
41 eligible votes (51 total) *
Entry 2:
10c7c
Allyson
Ancius
Anjie
antluvdog
bananagurl
bigbabylons
BillsSBChamps
butterball
calbearspolo
celine
comicbookguy
corn_nugget
Degreeless_Capibara
Dirtbird
domenad
drfeggphd
Endo_Fire
Envenom
FilthyAssistant
FunnyAsCancer
Genko
GodChicken
hcp28
Huber_the_Nose
humor_me
Istaros
Jack_McCallum
Jerems
JMG114
Legitch
munkeypants
MyNameIsTim
mystiamoon
NerfHerder
nitty34
polyamorousaj
professorfuckface
ralphmacchio
Razor
runninginplace
rurumon
salmonofdoubt
Scott_James
Seralena
Sideburns
Simondk
Slypher
stevie_says
SullyThePirate
Teephphah
The_Walrus
tidalfae
tinactin
wazzawazzayo
WiKi
WillZone
xenon
youarsoghey
zombieZero
46 eligible votes (60 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-11-11 03:22:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Funny as Cancer - Congratulations. You deserved it; my entry was very shallow and light. Yours had a lot more thought behind it.
Give 'em hell in the rest of the rounds. I want to be able to say I lost to the winner, okay?
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2004-11-10 23:23:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Um, victory?
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-11-01 21:57:48 (#)
Ranking: -1
Also possible:
Circe vs FunnyAsCancer
(circe 1st to vote? and i can kind of see how funnyascancer would be pissed off with the reviews, as its a real effort to push yourself in to a field that isnt normal for you, at least as far as the funnyascancer posts ive read)
~~~
That was eerily accurate. And I'd like to say I'm really sorry for being a bitch earlier. I don't really have a defense, and it truly was a disrespect to Circe. Circe, your entry was awesome, and it was a real good fight you put up.
Sideburns, see you next round.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-11-10 09:27:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-11-08 18:47:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-11-08 10:55:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2004-11-07 21:45:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-11-06 08:57:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jerems (user info) at 2004-11-06 03:35:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by bigbabylons (user info) at 2004-11-06 00:32:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by bananagurl (user info) at 2004-11-05 19:28:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good enough to be the ending of a good book..lol!
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-11-05 19:09:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tough call.
The first post was rather slow to get going, but had a killer punchline at the end.
I much prefer the writing style of the second post, if not the story line. I wasn't really digging the overplayed suicide thing, and was glad to see it was a diversion.
Ultimately, I'm going with number two.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2004-11-05 14:04:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by oddity420 (user info) at 2004-11-05 12:48:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-11-05 09:13:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wasn't a big fan of either. Entry 2 gets my vote because of the last sentence.
You'd think he would've passed out by then though. Entry 1 seemed like the easy way out and it was kind of a half-assed attempt at humor.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-11-04 20:46:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well done to both authors.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-11-04 11:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by hyprspacd (user info) at 2004-11-04 11:44:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
...
Submitted by Ancius (user info) at 2004-11-04 09:56:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sweeet
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2004-11-04 04:18:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-11-04 02:42:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by littlestar8603 (user info) at 2004-11-03 04:58:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Submitted by Endo_Fire (user info) at 2004-11-02 16:31:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-11-02 15:48:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
2 -- all day long.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-11-02 12:27:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Huber_the_Nose (user info) at 2004-11-02 05:50:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Simondk (user info) at 2004-11-01 23:14:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Number 2. Beautiful, in a quiet, unpompous kinda way.
wow...
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-11-01 21:59:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oops sorry missed one,
Sideburns v. jack11508
possible? both their comments are dodgy as hell
but i still think that theirs is Kiss Me, Kill Me
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-11-01 21:57:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-11-01 02:12:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
Degreeless v. WillZone?
1 seems to lack the narrative and depth of degreeless entries so far (not necessarily in a bad way, just different), and would she vote against herself at this stage in the competition? Yeah probably....
Also possible:
Circe vs FunnyAsCancer
(circe 1st to vote? and i can kind of see how funnyascancer would be pissed off with the reviews, as its a real effort to push yourself in to a field that isnt normal for you, at least as far as the funnyascancer posts ive read)
But my personal favourite and guess:
corn_nugget vs bob
i mean come on, how funny would it be to start a fake argument with yourself in your own UM
corn_nugget is probably laughing his/her ass off
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-11-01 21:37:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually author 2, I am entirely on your side for being upset about the extra e costing you a vote. That's just petty and with no real reason to it, i hope the vote doesn't come down to that person although by the looks of it it might.
Submitted by ScoutCJustice (user info) at 2004-11-01 19:08:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
One was very good. Two was well-written, but I just couldn't get into it. Suicide just isn't a great topic.
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2004-11-01 18:50:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2004-11-01 18:23:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-11-01 17:06:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Tough choice... sort of.
Submitted by godking (user info) at 2004-11-01 15:46:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-11-01 15:20:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-11-01 15:16:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-11-01 15:10:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by cnympho247 (user info) at 2004-11-01 15:10:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by i_walk_alone <glshppn.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-11-01 14:09:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by redraven (user info) at 2004-11-01 12:48:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"If you'll remember, the million dollars was strapped to the chipmunk."
Priceless.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-11-01 12:36:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Author 2 at 2004-10-31 12:55:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
Now that I see where darko was coming from with the length issue, OK, I'll give him/her that.
But still, to get out of a vote because of an extra "e"...that's maddening.
--------------
Hahahaha. I hate to admit it folks, but author 2 is correct.
I managed to win my first entry in UM 1 when I spelled "semen" as "seamen" - but I got shit for it too, even though it was pretty fucking obvious what I meant due to the context I used it in.
In story 2's case, he could have meant "story" or "storey" - because of the way his life "story" passed with every "storey." Eh? EH? So there.
People, please, use your brains, if you can't , try to have some consideration for the efforts of the writers, and overlook a fucking typo here and there.
It's all fun and games to be a spelling nazi, but I think we should all lay off of it during UM, unless it's glaringly obvious that the author didn't put any effort into spelling and/or grammar at all.
Be fair, be objective, be an adult, not a pain in the ass, needling prick.
This'll be a good contest either way author 2.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-11-01 12:21:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-11-01 12:19:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
First I want to thank both of you for turning in your entries early. Saves the readers a lot of headache at the end. For that you both rock, immensely.
#1 started out really well. There were some flourishes of words in there, some really good descriptive language that set the scene well. I only wish that the "short version" of the epic story wouldn't have been SO overtly outlandish. I wanted to believe that this sad sack of a man had led an interesting life, but . . . I think it was the chipmunk that killed my suspension of disbelief. Made it seem more like a silly story instead of the Homeric epic it was built up to be.
#2 had me begging for something to alter the course of events, but alas none came. Maybe it is more poetic this way. I'm going to assume so, and for that reason #2 gets my vote.
Submitted by tidalfae (user info) at 2004-11-01 12:01:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Was having a hard time deciding between the two, but the last few lines convinced me.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-11-01 11:22:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
picture rule
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-11-01 11:20:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rurumon (user info) at 2004-11-01 11:12:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No comment
Submitted by ralphmacchio (user info) at 2004-11-01 10:55:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Dirtbird (user info) at 2004-11-01 08:47:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-11-01 08:44:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
eh
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-11-01 02:37:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-11-01 02:26:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
tough choice.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-11-01 02:12:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Degreeless v. WillZone?
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-11-01 02:07:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-11-01 01:03:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-10-31 18:04:35 (#)
Ranking: 0
Author two... if it makes you feel any better, I really didn't like your post... I just voted to see the reviews.
No, I'm not kidding.
So, you're even. Author one got darkos vote based on length and some errant "e", and you got my vote due to me not liking EITHER story, and randomly picking.
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-11-01 00:39:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-10-31 23:52:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Pretty good, both of them, but 2 was slightly better.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-10-31 23:11:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
VERY tough call. Both were very good.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-10-31 23:10:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by zombieZero (user info) at 2004-10-31 21:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-10-31 21:31:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by gbusman (user info) at 2004-10-31 21:10:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Two excellent posts.
Submitted by Author #1 at 2004-10-31 19:55:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dear Author #2:
I don't understand why you're so upset. You wrote a good post, and it looks at this point as though you might win it. If so, kudos to you.
The thing is, people vote according to their mood at the time, the picture with the post, spelling, names, personal preference; people are whimsical, unreliable creatures. The idea is, it all evens out at the end. A vote you lost because of a spelling misunderstanding is evened out by the vote that automatically always goes for #2, or the vote I lose because people hate the names, or whatever.
When all is said and done, it's just an online contest with no prize. It's supposed to be fun.
Don't let it get to you, and good luck.
Author #1.
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2004-10-31 19:31:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-10-31 19:00:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-10-31 18:31:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Author 2 at 2004-10-31 18:30:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fine. Works for me.
Now please, can everyone just drop it? I feel like a jerk enough as it is.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-10-31 18:04:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Author two... if it makes you feel any better, I really didn't like your post... I just voted to see the reviews.
No, I'm not kidding.
So, you're even. Author one got darkos vote based on length and some errant "e", and you got my vote due to me not liking EITHER story, and randomly picking.
Submitted by Author 2 at 2004-10-31 17:17:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
God, I get it already! I fucked up! I'm sorry!
I have no defense for what I did. I just wanted some credibility. Oh, how that has backfired.
Submitted by butterball (user info) at 2004-10-31 17:08:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not much into drunk stories
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-10-31 16:47:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Author 2 - You know what? I'm glad I voted for Author 1. You may not think you're being a whiny bitch, but you are. Quit worrying about one vote and shut the fuck up. If you lose this round, it's not because people didn't vote properly, it's because you lost to a superior piece.
In short, you have over a week of voting left, so sit back and stop being such a fucking pansy.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-10-31 14:41:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Author 2 at 2004-10-31 12:55:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
Now that I see where darko was coming from with the length issue, OK, I'll give him/her that.
But still, to get out of a vote because of an extra "e"...that's maddening.
It may seem like I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but didn't you read the round 3 analysis?
"People, your vote matters. This isn't the US election. Every vote cast is important. Every vote is a "battleground" vote. We had five UM posts this round that were within five votes of each other, including one tie resolved by Razor's tiebreaker."
I could very well lose this by one vote. And considering the effort I put into writing my story, that would simply suck.
Please, don't think of me as some whiny bitch because of a couple errant votes. I'm just trying to protect my hard work, as any of you would want to do.
====
This is round 4 dude, we're getting into the big leagues - losing by one or two votes is getting extremely likely. No matter what you think your post deserves, everyone here will decide for themselves and vote accordingly - if their reasons piss you off then take a deep breath, knock back a whisky and remember that it's only a game. You put effort in and the payback is the good story you produced - losing doesn't cancel that out, and if something about it bothers someone enough to not vote for it then so be it - we all have our own taste. Regardless of how honourable/understandable your intentions may be, you *are* coming off as a whiny bitch and thats taking the shine away from the post you wrote - stop doing yourself such a disservice.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-10-31 14:17:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
both posts were tres excellent!
Submitted by Author 2 at 2004-10-31 12:55:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Now that I see where darko was coming from with the length issue, OK, I'll give him/her that.
But still, to get out of a vote because of an extra "e"...that's maddening.
It may seem like I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but didn't you read the round 3 analysis?
"People, your vote matters. This isn't the US election. Every vote cast is important. Every vote is a "battleground" vote. We had five UM posts this round that were within five votes of each other, including one tie resolved by Razor's tiebreaker."
I could very well lose this by one vote. And considering the effort I put into writing my story, that would simply suck.
Please, don't think of me as some whiny bitch because of a couple errant votes. I'm just trying to protect my hard work, as any of you would want to do.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-10-31 10:31:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This review makes me wish I voted for the first one:
Submitted by Author 2 at 2004-10-30 20:28:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm really pissed off right now.
I'm pissed off that I didn't get a vote because someone thinks a building story isn't spelled the same as a narrative story.
I'm pissed off that someone voted purely on length. A difference of 400 words = better?
Entry 1 was good, I'll give you that. I have no problems with it. I have a problem with you people who obviously didn't take the time to consider the motives behind the story, who didn't try to understand.
Shennanigans.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-10-31 10:28:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
:(
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-10-31 10:13:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think therefore I am confused.
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-10-31 10:11:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Tough choice. I guess I prefer 1's ending.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2004-10-31 08:15:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
80% of the way through reading #2, #1 still had it.
Great ending #2.
Submitted by Orla (user info) at 2004-10-31 08:01:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-10-31 07:44:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-10-31 03:57:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-10-31 03:49:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Great work, both of you. After reading number 1, I had every intention of voting for it, thinking that number two couldn't muster up a simple but entertaining story.
Although number two is very cliche, something about it hit me.
2 wins.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-10-30 23:57:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey author 2, I said you wrote a good story that i liked equally as much as number one, so because i didn't vote for you i shouldn't have voted at all? Trust me if the title was short story long i would have voted for you, pardon me for allowing my vote to be directly tied to the title of your entry. I stand by my vote.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-30 23:21:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#2:
pretty good but there were a lot of cliched phrases, thus not a perfect score..
do you realize there is/was a band called Passafist? something between thrash metal and industrial.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-10-30 23:17:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Author 2 at 2004-10-30 20:28:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm really pissed off right now.
I'm pissed off that I didn't get a vote because someone thinks a building story isn't spelled the same as a narrative story.
I'm pissed off that someone voted purely on length. A difference of 400 words = better?
Entry 1 was good, I'll give you that. I have no problems with it. I have a problem with you people who obviously didn't take the time to consider the motives behind the story, who didn't try to understand.
Shennanigans.
You can't cry Shenanigans because you are losing. I voted for number one because I liked it better. I'm sure most of the others did too. Shit like this has been happening for four rounds now. Stop being so full of yourself. That's two votes by the way. You need way more than that to win and nobody says you're not going to get them. It's fucking Saturday. Settle down.
Submitted by omnifica (user info) at 2004-10-30 23:05:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Author 2 at 2004-10-30 20:28:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm really pissed off right now.
I'm pissed off that I didn't get a vote because someone thinks a building story isn't spelled the same as a narrative story.
I'm pissed off that someone voted purely on length. A difference of 400 words = better?
Entry 1 was good, I'll give you that. I have no problems with it. I have a problem with you people who obviously didn't take the time to consider the motives behind the story, who didn't try to understand.
Shennanigans.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-10-30 16:03:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-10-30 15:46:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
2 was a bit too cliched for my taste.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-10-30 15:36:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-10-30 13:25:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-10-30 13:08:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-10-30 06:47:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-10-30 06:46:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
is the uber death count still running?
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-10-30 06:23:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I loved entry two, but I couldn't get past the story-storey thing. Which was a shame, because it was otherwise well written and engaging.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-10-30 04:46:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-10-30 04:11:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Something about shooting a chipmunk with a million dollars strapped to it really appealed to me.
Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-10-30 02:10:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
these both blew my balls off with a shotgun.
which is a bad thing.
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2004-10-30 01:59:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-10-30 01:48:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-10-30 01:41:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, i thought this was a tough one and both deserved a plus two. So I based my vote on the title, Entry one had 900 some words while two had about 400 more. So since one was shorter, it gets my vote.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2004-10-30 01:24:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-10-30 00:49:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Slypher (user info) at 2004-10-30 00:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-10-30 00:26:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like number 1 alot and i like number 2 but i thought number 2 was very much trying to suck us in where number one was good fun.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-10-29 23:49:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-10-29 23:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-10-29 22:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hard to decide..
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-10-29 22:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1 didnt develop the ending enough, i dont know if it wasnt intended or not considering the title.
2 was...meh
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2004-10-29 20:26:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ALMOST did not place this vote for #2... too many similar band-themed entries already.
But #2 gets it for (obviously) a solid writing style and a great twist to the title.
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2004-10-29 20:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-10-29 19:47:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-10-29 19:42:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ending was kind of blah, but still good
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-10-29 19:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-29 19:31:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Legitch (user info) at 2004-10-29 19:16:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2004-10-29 19:09:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well...that was quick.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-10-29 19:07:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2004-10-29 18:45:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-10-29 18:44:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice job to both of you. One was funny, and made me laugh out loud.
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-10-29 18:40:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#2 must be a musician... my BF has this type of feelings sometimes. Tooo many of his friend have "made it"....
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-10-29 18:30:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2004-10-29 17:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both stories were awesome. The first, though, I think was written better.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2004-10-29 17:36:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-10-29 17:35:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by cexshun (user info) at 2004-10-29 17:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 was interesting. Kind of makes you think about what you've missed during abridged versions.
#2 was good, but it followed the same pattern all of these suicides do. Killing oneself, flashback, revelation, death. Same old story told 1 million times.
Vote #1
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-10-29 17:32:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tough. But liked 1 more.
Submitted by celine (user info) at 2004-10-29 17:28:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by humor_me (user info) at 2004-10-29 17:27:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-10-29 17:25:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-29 17:16:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
BOTH VERY VERY SHIT
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-10-29 17:13:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment