"Surprise!" (998 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:non-fiction
Rating: 1.57 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-10-29 18:22:39 EDT
There is a small restaurant in Leeuwarden. Leeuwarden is a charming, beautiful little city/town/place with buildings in it in the Netherlands.
I don't want to give the impression that the restaurant is the only thing in Leeuwarden. There are a lot of things there - bridges, mostly. And canals. And tree lined streets. There is neon blue light under the bridges, which is actually really cool. I don't know why it's there; I assume it's to make the drowned kittens easier to find.
There is a tower in Leeuwarden, which was going to be part of a church. The church was never built, on account of how the tower started to sink into the ground on one side. The leaning tower of Leeuwarden. It's really kind of impressive - a monument to the stubborness of people who build below sea level.
And, as mentioned, there is a restaurant. Actually there are a lot of them, and I'm sure they're just lovely and deserving of their very own posts, but I didn't go to any of those and therefore am ill equipped to write about them.
I did go to one restaurant, however. In Leeuwarden. And that is where the thing that I want to tell you about happened. There is a picture to go with it. Don't scroll down, though. It'll ruin the surprise.
The restaurant is small, and has candles in wine bottles on the tables. There are roses on the walls. It's just a little tiny restaurant without pretensions but with utterly fantastic food - and a chef with a sense of humour.
We ordered dinner, and a fair bit of wine. Everything went well; it was the exact kind of evening you'd expect when everybody has been up since 5 am and is now getting determinedly drunk. I may have offered to marry my fiance's best friend more than was appropriate, but all in good fun, right? All the dutch people at the table were loudly trying to teach me to swear, an English woman three tables over insisted I was from London and wouldn't believe I'm from Australia ( "I can tell by your accent, dear. It's a London accent." ) and a man came into the restaurant with his dog. It was a Jack Russell and it peed on the waiter's foot.
After dinner, we ordered dessert. I don't read Dutch. I don't read a lot of languages, but the Dutch bears mentioning specifically because it happened to be the language the menu was written in. I mean, me saying "I don't read Spanish" wouldn't have much bearing on the story, would it? Nope.
So, confronted with Dutch, I asked my loving fiance if there was any kind of special I could order to save time. He replied that there was something called the chef's surprise.
And the upshot of this meandering little tale, for all those who are still with me, is this:
There is a small restaurant in Leeuwarden. It has wine bottles on the table and is up the street from the Steak House. If you should happen to come across it, don't order the Chef's Surprise for dessert. Nothing is more surreal than eating from a dustpan.
User Reviews
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-31 15:26:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
whoah
i'm glad i'm stupid
because i do NOT want to know
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-10-30 18:50:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe makes me wet.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-30 09:16:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Once again Circe lends her unique spirit and spunk to a page on ubersite, and, as always, it is good.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-10-30 04:05:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, that's a London accent alright.
Submitted by Jocko_Johnson (user info) at 2004-10-30 01:33:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Surprise would be you going down on me and me farting into your mouth just as you lean in to envelop my enlarged penis baby.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-10-29 23:42:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I could hang out with you.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-29 22:13:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-10-29 20:58:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Acid and mushrooms mixed together are actually more sureal than eating from a dustpan.
But I like the concept.
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-10-29 19:44:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Xena (user info) at 2004-10-29 18:49:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoy your writing...I can see why Snark is such a fan :)
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-10-29 18:45:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Hahahahaha.... have I ever seen a dike break? Baby, I was the one who broke her!"
OH MY FUCKING GOD!
I don't know how. I'm not sure why, but I'm using that 15 times tonight.
Make that 16. (Just used it)
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-10-29 18:41:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Snark, I said that once.
Once.
It's going into the list, along with "A pigeon crapped on your phallic symbol", "So, this is why they call you cheeseheads?", and "Hahahahaha.... have I ever seen a dike break? Baby, I was the one who broke her!" of Things I Will Never Say In Holland Again.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-10-29 18:36:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's at that point that you steal a line from Doctor Evil.
"How bout NO you crazy Dutch Bastard!"
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-10-29 18:29:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-10-29 18:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hah hah ha!
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-10-29 18:28:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what an excellent idea!
i might start a franchise in canberra. the concept of course can be extended to include dog's bowls, sanitary napkins, etc etrc
i remember a similar odd feeling in taiwan when we were served bottles of beer with breakfast bowls. you poured the beer into the bowls and sipped from them. it was enjoyable. novelty is good.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-29 18:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, how original. Last time I checked a plastic molded dustpan is a lot cheaper than an actual bowl, so it is probably more a result of bad finances than a surreal and novel idea.