Duck Inebriation (677 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.6 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by harmlessness (View user info) at 2004-10-29 23:30:57 EDT
How many of you can truthfully say that you've witnessed a duck getting drunk?
A few weeks ago, I went to a party. There was alcohol, there were drugs, and there were... ducks? Yes, my friend's mom adopted two ducks. One male and one female mallard were living in her shed, which had a small door cut in one wall, which led out to an enclosure.
After several games of quarters, several games of beer pong, and several shots of liquor, it was safe to say that I would be done drinking for a while. I walked outside, barefoot, and saw a tiny flash in the far left corner of my eye.
BLUNT.
These past few months I've been really slowing down on the drug/alcohol use. In fact, it's safe to say that I'd quit for about four months. I seriously considered walking away, but I decided against it. I was at a party, damn it, and I was going to party!
I drunkenly made my way over to my friend's minivan and they invited me inside. Good, so I wasn't theoretically mooching if they invited me. We clam baked that sucker. We watched TV. We had a good ol' time.
I looked out the window, and there was a crowd gathering around the duck pen.
"Are they... having sex... with the ducks?" I glanced at my fellow smokers, glanced back at the crowd, and stood up.
"OW," I said, as my head hit the roof of the van, "THAT REALLY HURT!"
Nasty Nate opened the door. Smoke poured out. I fell out.
So much for a Clint Eastwood-esque exit.
I stood up and stumbled towards the mob, where I saw someone I didn't know standing in the duck pen, holding a beer can. The crowd began chanting.
"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"
Figuring that the kid was about to chug the beer, I joined in.
"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"
The duck walked by him as he tipped the can to his mouth. His eyes lit up, almost as if he'd just been shot in the ass with a dart. He looked at the duck. He looked at the crowd. He looked back at the duck. All of a sudden, he reached down and grabbed the duck by the neck, dropped to one knee, and started pouring beer down the duck's throat.
About ten minutes later, a good 3/4 of the contents of the can lay on the ground, 1/8 of the beer covered the duck's neck, and the rest of it was in the duck.
Have you ever seen a drunken duck?
I have.
A little while after the forced duck inebriation, our feathered friend was wobbling around the pen quacking like there was no tomorrow. He was really belting them out, too. He wasn't quacking all wussy-like.
Folks, next time you're at a party, zoo, or even a pond, bring some beer. Ducks are really, really funny when they're piss drunk.
User Reviews
Submitted by Julie at 2004-11-06 05:03:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Aww that's sad. The duck probably aspirated some of the beer and died later. Poor poor duckie.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-10-31 14:04:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Tim sweetie... I want to -2 this for animal abuse...
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-10-30 22:44:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We used to trap a moth in a glass, blow shit loads of weed smoke into the glass, let it ferment for about an hour then take the glass off watch the moth fly for about ten seconds before tumbling out of the sky and having a seizure on my rug. Good times.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-10-30 11:44:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-10-30 05:54:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Almost as entertaining as drunken hamsters. Man, you wanna see those things go when they've had a sniff of the barmaids apron.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-30 01:45:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
dude
you should've written more about the drunk duck
and less about the leading-up-to part
Submitted by Jocko_Johnson (user info) at 2004-10-30 01:38:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't had a wank like that in months...thanks!
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-10-29 23:57:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hhahahhahha duckies drnknig
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-10-29 23:44:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
don't fuck with the ducks. Not cool.
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2004-10-29 23:43:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-29 23:36:35 (#)
Ranking: -2
Great picture. Crap post.
Submitted by Slypher (user info) at 2004-10-29 23:41:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I;m sorry, it;s hilariouis.
Submitted by Slypher (user info) at 2004-10-29 23:40:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I loved it.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-10-29 23:38:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
BUD LIGHT?! -2 -2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-10-29 23:37:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Later on, that duck was anally violated as seen in your diagram on how to fuck a duck.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-29 23:36:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Great picture. Crap post.