5 Reasons Why Britian is Great. (767 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: -1.35 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Iago (View user info) at 2004-10-31 03:22:20 EST
No 1. The Channel Tunnel.
A recent Gallup Poll of cross-channel ferry passengers has alarmed the tunnel's management. When the channel crosser wants, it seems, is the sight of rolling waves, sea-sickness and the chance of disposing their kids quietly over the side when no one's looking. However British engineers have said that any idea that the tunnel will offer some form of dull, sterilised travelling experience is far from the truth: It leaks, the lights don't work and the expected train crashes will get rid of any number of unwanted children. Over at British Rail meanwhile they've solved the problem of underfunding by shrinking the size of the tunnel. Passengers will now be loaded into dustbins and shot along the tube by compressed air.
No 2. The Mouse Trap.
These days with offices littered with computers it's a problem keeping them all tidy. For one thing there are mice all over the place looking for menu's with cheese on them.
In a desperate attempt to keep order, Frock and Speigleman have come up with the mouse trap; it's lightweight, bomb-proof and comes in a cardboard box - what more could you want?
No 3. The Poll Tax.
This tax has to be the greatest invention of the 20th Century. It's simple, its easy to collect (all you need is a town-hall full of NASA computers) and everyone loves it. Every day, the streets are packed full of people demonstrating their love for it's inventor, pausing only for a bit of shopping in the West End, and to engage in some cheerful banter with the local police. Soon, says PM Blair, the whole world will adopt this beautiful and perfect tax and live happily ever after.
No 4. Lunar Cricket.
It's a fact generally not known around the world, but the whole of NASA space program was funded by the Middlesex Cricket Club (MCC). Tired of travelling to the tropics and seeing their batsmen being decapitated by huge West Indians bowling at 95mph, the MCC were desperate to find an overseas venue without opposition. And so on July 22, 1969 Ray Illingsworth went out to bat against a team of Venusian slug monsters, on the neutral territory of the moon. Sadly the Venusians turned out to be rather slow bowlers taking 3.2 years to run up the crease. Boycott put in his usual performance staying in the crease for 10 years and blocking two balls to the leg for no score. Eventually the whole thing was abandoned as a draw.
No. 4 The First Office Block In Space
The crowning achievement of British business is the orbiting block and leisure centre now hanging somewhere over your head. With it's 1 million sq. ft. of space overlooking the Milky Way, this prime site had unlimited parking, unlimited daylight and unlimited heating bills.
Much like the parent company's Canary Warf development, it's expected to remain empty well into the next century.
User Reviews
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-03-10 13:15:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WINNER! http://www.ubersite.com/m/84913
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-11-28 05:14:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Lying sack of shit stealing material bastard.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-10-31 10:59:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The reviews got a +2.
Sadly, you didn't write the reviews.
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-10-31 10:34:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
We all get it by now, Britian is way better than us.
No one cares.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-10-31 10:01:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No. 4: I hope the channel tunnel bursts with you and a load of foreigners inside.
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-10-31 09:29:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
read title
saw numbers
rated -2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-10-31 08:52:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-10-31 03:39:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
Is it really a big deal if i accidently put 4, instead of 5 on the fifth one? Get fucked, you pedantic asshole.
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Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-31 03:31:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
When I saw this, I thought to myself "If this person loves britain so much there is a very good chance I will click this to find they have somehow screwed the numbering system up"
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-2 for not being as chilled out as cool people are. Also, -2 for patriotism, regardless of nationality. Patriots are fucked.
Submitted by triple_optics at 2004-10-31 07:35:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-10-31 03:48:56 (#)
Ranking: -1
you failed to mention FCUK the best clothing company ever perhaps
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-10-31 07:16:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Usually +2 British posts, but this was just shit. There is no poll tax anymore.
Submitted by cuckingfunt (user info) at 2004-10-31 05:07:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So even playing on the Moon the Poms can't get anything over the boundary, or read movement off the pitch? Actually I totally believe it!
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2004-10-31 04:40:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-1 for using No. 4 twice
-1 for being a Brit
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-31 04:30:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
where the fuck is Britian?
Do you mean Britain?
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2004-10-31 04:16:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Category: Science & Environmental
Why? The only thing you have done is convince me that England is similar to the Deep South, since you can't seem to be able to handle numbers over 4.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-10-31 03:48:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
you failed to mention FCUK the best clothing company ever perhaps
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-10-31 03:45:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude, what the fuck?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-10-31 03:43:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, it matters that much.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-10-31 03:42:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
meh
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-10-31 03:39:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Is it really a big deal if i accidently put 4, instead of 5 on the fifth one? Get fucked, you pedantic asshole.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-31 03:31:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
When I saw this, I thought to myself "If this person loves britain so much there is a very good chance I will click this to find they have somehow screwed the numbering system up"