The search for my first job (860 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 0.5 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by BlinkSparky (View user info) at 2004-10-31 05:26:48 EST
It was the summer of 2002, I was 15 years old and my father decided it was time for me to get a job.
"Get out! And don't fucking come back till you have a job"
Needless to say, I was as determined as fat man pursuing a Mr.Whippy van against oncoming traffic to find a job.
I jumped on my bike and headed off in search for employment.... with about 3 days food rations in my back pack
My first target was going to be the local petrol station, as I peddled my way towards impending disaster I thinking to myself:
"Man you don't really want to work, just steal a whole heap of stuff from a Red Cross bin and set up a road side stall"
When I got to the petrol station I decided to ooze confidence
"Ummm, hello? I hope I'm not disturbing you, I can come back later if you want, or not at all."
In my best 'weak little bitch' voice. Yes that's right I was oozing confidence like Saddam Hussein oozes charm and charisma
"Do you want a job?" The fat unshaven and probably unshowered man beside the petrol bowser asked
"Are you Psychic? How the hell could you tell?" I replied in genuine amazement.
"Well you sure as hell didn't come to fill your fucking bike with petrol"
So not only did this guy look like a serial killer(he looked like cigar) but was also a smart ass.
I was at a loss for words I didn't know how to handle this guy
"Are u any good at maths?"
"Uh, I have a really sweet calculator at home"
"Give me your number I'll ring you"
And I believed him... My search for a job continued.....
I ended up working on a farm where a 62-hour week received no overtime and I was paid $8 an hour (Aussie dollars)
I was wondering what others peoples first jobs were
Q: Did you hear About the mouse on viagra?
He walked around the kitchen floor screaming: "Wheres the fucken pussy now!"
User Reviews
Submitted by BlinkSparky (user info) at 2004-11-02 03:41:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
it's called poetic licence...everyone does it
Submitted by BridgetJones (user info) at 2004-11-02 03:28:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck you talk a lot of shit.
Submitted by BlinkSparky (user info) at 2004-11-01 06:46:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i love it when women tell me what to do :P
it's so kinky
Submitted by Vanilla (user info) at 2004-11-01 05:41:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think you should get on MSN now.
Thankyou.
Submitted by BlinkSparky (user info) at 2004-11-01 05:26:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
damn i am a hitwhore master :S
Submitted by BlinkSparky (user info) at 2004-11-01 04:37:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wouldnt let you in? shattering
Submitted by heyzues (user info) at 2004-10-31 05:46:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
We found some drugs a few times.
We also got called into a porno shop, The Locked Door, The owner wouldn't let me in because I was only fifteen. My boss said that he had been called there like twenty time before, he never said what the problem was though.
But never saw any shit incrusted fetus'.
Submitted by BlinkSparky (user info) at 2004-10-31 05:38:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
gees that would suck....was there ever any home abortions?
Submitted by heyzues (user info) at 2004-10-31 05:37:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
My first job was emptying septic tanks/ drain cleaning. I only passed out once from exphixiation(sp?). Yea, you wouldn't believe the stuff that people try to flush down the toilet.