Bald Men (1372 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.53 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Iago (View user info) at 2004-10-31 11:59:56 EST
We all know that bald men look stupid, with their shiny heads, their sticky-out ears and those ridiculously wiggly veins on their temples. But the next time you see a bald man, before you stop to point and laugh, think for s moment, one day YOU could be bald.
Although it's something we prefer not to think about, sooner or later eight out of ten men in Britain will have suffered partial hair loss by the time they are forty. And a staggering 50% of adult males will be totally bald by the year 2000. Baldness due to loss of hair is, quite simply, epidemic.
OZONES
The reasons for the dramatic increase in baldness are many fold. Additives in our food, the ozone layer and the latest appearance of Haley's comet are all contributory factors in making people go bald. But what can be done to save your hair once the early stages of baldness set in?
ACID RAIN
Dr Ulf Jergensen is Hair Expert at Sweden's University of Upsala, and he has bad news for baldies. "Nothing whatsoever can be done to prevent the onset of baldness once hair loss had begun. All your hair will fall out onto the floor and all over your coat and you will be bald for the rest of your life," says the doctor.
CARBON MONOXIDE
But Dr Jergensen hastens to add that although the disease is incurable, unsightly baldness can effectively be concealed. "With today's technology bald people can almost look normal," says the doctor. He recommends four of disguising embarrassing loss of hair.
1. Wearing a large colourful hat which comes down to just below your ears.
2. Wearing a clump of pretend hair - a 'wig' - on the top of your head.
3. In cases where hair loss is not complete, any remaining hair can be swept across the bald bit, giving the impression of a completely full head of hair.
4. People with lots of money may prefer to have hair taken from their bottoms and planted in several small holes in their hair which have been drilled in a realistic grid pattern
THE BALD TRUTH
A lot of popular misconceptions exist surrounding the subject of baldness. Bald people are said to be more virile more intelligent and are able to swim faster than normal people.
But they aren't.
Here are the true facts about bald people:
1. Bald people are sterile
2. Girl's don't' want to go out with bald people
3. Baldness is hereditary, but you can also get it from toilet seats.
4. Bald people are often slow thinking, clumsy and 'drunk' in appearance because their brains are cold.
5. Bald people tend to lead sad and shallow lives, often drifting towards alcoholism and homelessness, due to their loss of hair.
User Reviews
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-03-10 13:15:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WINNER! http://www.ubersite.com/m/84913
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-03-04 21:06:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-03-04 21:02:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
People losing their hair should lower their insulin and homocysteine levels, improve liver health and consider the possibility of malabsorption.
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Nope. They should stop leaving such malevolent lifes, as its a punishment that God gives bad people.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-03-04 21:02:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
People losing their hair should lower their insulin and homocysteine levels, improve liver health and consider the possibility of malabsorption.
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-03-04 20:42:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-11-28 05:14:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Lying sack of shit stealing material bastard.
Submitted by Sarcasticus (user info) at 2004-11-16 16:13:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Die!
(From a future baldo...My hair is thinning, it's horrific.)
Submitted by Staccers (user info) at 2004-11-01 16:41:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
IM BALD!
asshole
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2004-10-31 15:00:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm okay with bald guys as long as they're not bald on the inside.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-10-31 14:44:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
there ya go
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-10-31 14:44:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i meant +2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-10-31 14:43:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
my hair is falling. :(
Submitted by ShatteredDreams (user info) at 2004-10-31 14:26:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 because I'm bald. Fuckstick.
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-10-31 13:30:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Duke_Prometheus_III (user info) at 2004-10-31 13:08:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
So what you're saying is that you're bald?!