Pieces of Maria (1689 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.8 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Badlands (View user info) at 2004-11-01 10:49:32 EST
"Well I woke up in mid-afternoon
'cause that's when it all hurts the most."
----
The dull thud in my head beats like a prophetic metronome.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
It's time to start my day. My eyes are sealed shut, my throat is raw, and my tongue is swollen. I haven't eaten solid food in three days. My muscles have atrophied to the point of frailty. My thoughts are fractured and hazy. Death can't visit soon enough.
I make my way over to the sanctity of the stained bowl, wrap my withered arms around it with frightening familiarity and violently heave. Time stands still.
My eyes lurch forward, looking to escape my skull. Blood vessels burst within my retinas. Nothing but bile and thick black pus, mixing together to form what makes me now. It oozes out of my essence. And I am pleased.
I wipe the slime from my lips and drop backwards, allowing my throbbing head to rest against the cool tile of the bathroom floor. As I lie naked, exposed, vulnerable to the demons circling above my weary head, there is nothing to shield me from my pain.
Have your bones ever chilled like this? Ever experienced tragedy and begged for reason...just what brought you to this place in time? What would have happened if you had taken just one alternative path, one fork in the road over another, choice A over choice B, just one different decision, one other way...just one...how different would it all be?
Are we destined to live a life that's predetermined and set especially for us? Or is it all just a simple twist of fate? Just a random wave of the hand from God above, setting the wheels in motion on a whim...
I can't tell you, friend. But I do know exactly how I got here. And I hate myself for it. I need to be punished. I'm too much of a coward to open up a vein. And too burdened by guilt to enjoy the rapid death that a bullet in my skull would provide. So this way seems best.
-----
"If dreams are like movies,
then memories are films about ghosts."
----
I'm sorry, Maria. So damn sorry. It was three years ago today. I know you remember, because you reminded me.
Remind me.
Reminding me.
Every day. Hour. Minute. Second.
Constant reminder.
I'm sorry, Maria. You were so beautiful. Just 27. So vibrant. So strong-willed. So full of life. Until I took it from you.
So incredibly sorry.
You loved me. I loved you. And I would have died for you. Would still die for you.
Will die for you.
I promise. I will.
----
If you've never stared off into the distance, then your life is a shame.
And though I'll never forget your face, sometimes I can't remember my name."
----
When I was a young boy I loved reading books. And my favorites were always those Choose-You-Own-Adventures. Those books that would start you reading down a certain path, and then as soon as the hero of our story got into a sticky situation, the book would stop and ask you to choose his or her next move.
For example, if Billy and Susie were walking in the haunted graveyard on 'All Hollows Eve' and suddenly came across one of the living dead, arms outstretched, heading straight toward them, they could either...(A) run for their lives screaming like little bitches back toward the front gates (turn to page 75)...or (B) pick up those rusty old shovels conveniently located at their feet and have at that troublesome zombie like Bonds looking for number 73 (turn to page 100).
Now, if you were a smart reader and made all the right choices, you'd navigate your way through the story, Billy and Susie would claim victory over the zombies, and live happily ever after. But if you made a wrong turn however, oh boy...well, Bad-Luck Billy and Sad-Sack Susie would come to an untimely demise and your epic tale would come to a screeching halt.
It would be all your fault, and you'd be forced to begin the story all over again and choose a different path.
I used to love those books. And I never knew why, because every time I picked one up, I always seemed to wind up screwing over good old Billy and getting dear, sweet Susie into a whole heap of trouble. Those kids must have fucking hated me. They must have seen me opening that book and just wanted to scream. I can hear Billy Boy now -
"Aw Christ, Susie we're fucked...it's that little shit who can't make a right decision to save life."
And that dirty slut Susie would just sigh and shrug her shoulders.
"Think we ought to do him a favor and just off ourselves right now? 'Cause you know this asshole ain't gonna be able to keep us alive."
Billy and Susie can kiss my ass.
The point is, that as far back as I can remember, my life has been one big Choose-Your-Own-Adventure. It seems like I always begin a new chapter with the best of intentions, start weaving my way through a tale, and then bam! Just like clockwork...I'll make the wrong choice, turn to the wrong page, and I'm ruined. Forced to start all over again. You can set your watch to it.
But in real life, the consequences can be dire. Sometimes, well...sometimes, you just can't start over.
I met Maria on a Wednesday evening at 8:25 in the p.m. I fell truly, madly, deeply in love with her roughly six-tenths of a second later, and lost her forever shortly thereafter. Just turned to the wrong page, I guess. Another adventure I wasn't meant to solve.
----
"There's a piece of Maria in every song that I sing.
And the price of a memory, is the memory of the sorrow it brings."
----
To wrap my arms around your waist...to bury my nose in your sweet, scented hair...to feel your warm breath on my cheek...to touch the love burning deep within your soul... to watch the light, as it dances in your eyes.
These are the things I wish for every day.
Every time I sit on that stool. Every time I order those three fingers. Every time I wince as the burn of the liquid pain passes my lips and falls into the deep chasm of my belly...these are the things I wish for.
Deep within my heart, we dance, we laugh, we sing, we make love, we live...and we are family again.
Sometimes, it's hard to tell the wishing from the well. But still I ask. Still I pray.
Please tell me that your spirit is still pure and unfettered. Stull unbreakable.
Please tell me that your passion remains hot and fiery. That your conviction is still strong and unyielding.
Please tell me that your compassion lives on. That your warmth hasn't cooled.
Please tell me that I haven't taken it all away from you. Please tell me that these pieces of you live on. Please tell my I couldn't kill them. Please.
----
"All the razor perceptions that cut just a little too deep.
Hey, I can bleed as well as anyone, but I need something to help me sleep."
----
"Let me drive, Frankie."
"Jesus, Maria...I'm fine for chrissakes! Enough now. Get in the truck."
"Darling, you've had a ..."
"Maria. I'm fine, baby girl. Get in the truck."
Those big brown eyes. I love them so. They plead with me...beg me...trust me. How could I ignore them?
You strap yourself in and look at me once again with the eyes of unconditional friendship. Trust. Pure and simple.
Let me take you home, babe.
Let me be your guide, babe.
Let me be put you to bed, babe.
I should have listened to you.
It had been such a perfect evening. A night out with important clients. Me in a well-tailored suit. You, in a full-length black evening gown, beautiful chestnut hair falling over silky-smooth shoulders. God, you were beautiful. Having you on my arm was more than I deserved. You were my breath.
I should have protected you.
We had just closed the Citibank account and were celebrating accordingly. Cabernet flowing like water. Laughter. The wives loved you. Their husbands wanted you. You were a beacon of light. Everyone attracted to my Maria. You never noticed. You were just being the woman you were. I could see the envy in every man's eyes. But you were mine.
I always knew I didn't deserve you.
Three miles down the highway; your delicate hand finding it way to my knee. I turn, slowly at first, the warmth of your palm making me instantly flushed. I can feel the blood flowing to my member. You feel me growing. You smile seductively.
"You were wonderful tonight, babe." Still smiling, telling me all I need to know, my heart is full.
I don't deserve you. I hope you never come to realize it.
"They're blessed to have you working on their business," You purr. "You're a very talented man. And I'm a very lucky lady."
My cheeks flush. I smile with embarrassment. And then I see the light. And everything goes dark.
I wake up in the hospital. Can't move. Can't speak. Doctors everywhere...informing me I'm lucky to be alive. State Troopers swarming...drilling me with accusatory questions.
I ask for you...plead for you...scream for you...no answer.
----
"You can see a million miles tonight,
but you can't get very far."
----
It's time to get up off the floor. There's a bottle waiting for me in the cupboard. I have work to do. I've never worked harder at something in all my life.
I take my first sip of the day...wishing it could be my last, but knowing I have a long road to travel. My pain needs to last. A quick death would never do you justice.
I'll be with you soon, Maria. I'm sorry. So sorry. I never deserved you.
----
Lyrics by Counting Crows
----
![shame[1].jpg (19 kB)](http://stuff.ubersite.com/1099324172922521823/1/shame[1].jpg)
User Reviews
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 20:18:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by _God (user info) at 2006-12-03 14:46:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-12-21 15:34:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
once again, I'm speechless
Please, please tell me you're writing a book or something.
---------------------
I agree. And if you ever do write a book, I demand a copy before it sells out.
That was amazing, pure and simple.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-01-12 05:25:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is so fucking amazing. I love you Badlands for your amazing gift of writing. Please do it more. 'Mrs Potter Wants to Talk TO You".
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-12-21 15:34:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
once again, I'm speechless
Please, please tell me you're writing a book or something.
Submitted by LiquidPaper (user info) at 2005-08-03 11:13:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic writing.
Submitted by Doneupandin (user info) at 2005-02-10 12:22:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You suck.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-02-10 12:04:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm quite excited that my Uber Soulmate has such talent!
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-02-01 19:09:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Goddamn tears...
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-11-30 17:41:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Please post more often.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-11-26 16:28:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOWZA
Submitted by ardubs (user info) at 2004-11-26 16:17:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-11-11 22:17:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
-1 to stand out in a crowd.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-11-11 21:53:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
woooooooo happy birthday......
....Old guy!
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-11-01 17:34:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-11-01 16:07:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"If dreams are like movies,
then memories are films about ghosts."
I actually thought about this line for a little while. Can't decide if it's deeply profound, or profoundly stupid.
Excellent post. Your reputation is well deserved.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-11-01 12:52:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're back! Huzzah!
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2004-11-01 12:51:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As always excellent. This work especially so.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-11-01 12:45:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MaximusPadus (user info) at 2004-11-01 12:24:49 (#)
Ranking: -1
-1 for Counting Crows.
-------------------------------------
I fucking hate counting crows. It has almost nothing to do with this post, and I'm sure if Badlands hadn't mentioned it (out of respect) you wouldn't even have known it. I still gave this post a +2 because... oh why the fuck am I arguing with you? You deserve that punch in the face I was talking about earlier.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-11-01 12:38:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for taking up for me guys. But it's really not necessary. I remember Maximus from a camwhore he did recently. He can't be more than 15 or 16 years old.
Grow up, kid. If you want to be a Troll around here, have at it. But do me a favor and do it on someone else's posts.
Submitted by tidalfae (user info) at 2004-11-01 12:37:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 states my feelings about this better than I could with words
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-11-01 12:29:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You tell him GLALL!!
How dare you diss my boy.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-11-01 12:28:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rating: -2 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (View all ratings)
Submitted by Maximus Padus (View user info) at 2004-11-01 10:23:17
That about sums it up right there.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-11-01 12:27:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Maximus....-1 for him quoting a few lyrics from a fucking band that you don't like? You're just pissed because you could never achieve 1/1000th of the acclaim Badlands deserves.
Submitted by MaximusPadus (user info) at 2004-11-01 12:24:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
-1 for Counting Crows.
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2004-11-01 12:09:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-11-01 12:05:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to give it a +3. One of your finer works.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-11-01 12:05:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Amazing as always Badlands.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-11-01 11:56:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant.
Gigs: don't drink and drive bitch.
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2004-11-01 11:41:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The day I give one of your posts less than a +2 is the day I leave Ubersite.
Submitted by thricepalermo (user info) at 2004-11-01 11:36:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Really good.
Loved the pic too.
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2004-11-01 11:28:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very well written indeed. You're the most consistantly good poster here.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-11-01 11:21:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-11-01 11:20:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ancius...It's fiction, I assure you.
T-Fa...not that I know of. But I find the fact that she's virtually deified in many of his songs, to be incredibly intriguing.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-11-01 11:19:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The first person who gives this anything but a +2 gets my fist in their face.
I love you, Badlands, in the platonic way that one man can love another man for his literary genius. This got me thinking - on Saturday night, er, Sunday morning, at 5AM, I took a turn a little too fast in my car and fishtailed a bit - I regained control and everything was fine - but it didn't have to be... Not everyone is so lucky. Perhaps I shouldn't drink so much on weekends.
Eh, where's the fun in that???
Submitted by Ancius (user info) at 2004-11-01 11:12:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus Christ.
Tell me this is inspired by a dark mood and not true events.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-11-01 11:08:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, yes, yes.
Has Adam ever explained the significance of "Maria" fully?
It's four thirty am on a Tuesday. It doesn't get much worse than this. . .
I stay at home with my disease . . .
I can't get myself away from me.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-11-01 11:07:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are so incredibly talented.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2004-11-01 11:06:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is probably the most well-written piece I've read on Uber.
So well done, so honest, so real.
Thank you.