Turn It Up (1402 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.42 on 87 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Uber Madness 2004 (View user info) at 2004-11-01 20:30:26 EST
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This post is officially part of UberMadness!. Click here for more information on the rules and restrictions. |
Entry 1
Margot was 40 when she got her first grey hair. She never noticed it. Nor did she notice the second, third, tenth, or hundredth grey sprout. She didn't notice when her skin started to wrinkle and hang loose on her frame, nor did she notice the sagging of her bosom.The only thing she seemed to notice were the leaves. She would sit on the veranda from sun-up to sunset and watch them- or during the winter, when she had no leaves to watch, she would watch the branches, anticipating the first bud.
Her mood improved noticeably every spring. She would point excitedly when she saw the first signs of a sprouting leaf. All summer she was content to watch their life cycles. She loved seeing their silvery underbellies before a rainstorm, she loved how they drooped during a dry spell, she could tell anyone the mood of the tree simply by looking at its leaves.
As it always does, fall would come. When everyone else was busy admiring the radiant autumn colors, Margot was beginning to mourn. The nurses often had to go rescue her from the yard, where she would throw herself down beneath the largest maple and cry. Her tears would wet the leaves that she held to her face, and her hair would tangle in the leaves she rubbed into her hair as her mind would slowly die with each leaf that fell.
***
"Turn it up," his lab coat was stark white, pressed, and every button was fastened. His hair was imaculately groomed, and smoothed down with a bitter smelling concoction. His eyes were so small and beady they looked as if his face was in the process of trying to suck them into his skull. His lips were unnaturally red, and always moist.
Margot laid on her back, with her arms and legs strapped tightly to the cot. A kind looking nurse stood near Margots head, ensuring that the rubber piece stayed in her mouth, and her heart-rate stayed within the normal range.
Another nurse (she was only an attendant, to be honest... although everyone referred to her as a nurse in order to keep up professional appearances) adjusted the dial of the electroshock machine.
"We're ready, sir."
The doctors tongue darted out of his mouth and across his lips, and he pressed the appropriate button on the machine. The electricity travelled from the machine, through the wires, through the electrodes, and into Margots head. Her whole body jerked, convulsed, tightened...
1... 2... 3... The kind nurse counted each second. She thought of nothing else. Just the time. She could not allow herself to think of anything else. 4... 5... 6... Did she know, as a child, that she would be in attendance in such a room? 7... 8... 9... Is there any proof that these electroshock treatments work? 10.. 11... 12... What is Margot feeling? 13... 14... was she feeling anything? Would they all go to hell for interfering with Gods Plan? 15...
"Stop."
The room fell silent. Margots body fell silent.
"Turn it up." Everyone hesitated a moment too long. The doctors face reddened and spittle flew out of his mouth when he repeated himself, "TURN IT UP!".
The attendant turned the dial. The doctor started the machine. The kind nurse fixed her eyes on the heart rate monitor. 1... 2... 3...
Twenty seconds later, "Stop." He turned on his heel, and left the room.
The kind nurse took the rubber piece out of Margots mouth, detached the electrodes, and loosened the straps. The attendant hastily made their exit, leaving the kind nurse alone with Margot.
The kind nurse, her name is Anne, by the way.
Anne recited the Lords Prayer as she wiped the spit and snot from Margots face.
A knock at the door- someone had let Margots husband in too early.
Anne opened the door just a crack, "Sir, I'm afraid she's not ready. It will be about half an hour more before you can visit her." He tried peering over Anne, trying to see into the room. Anne pushed the door closed, and went back to Margot. If her husband saw her in such a state it would surely break his heart. Who wants to see his wife tied down to a bed, sweaty, swollen, and stinking of defecation?
Anne was nearly finished cleaning Margot when the doctor came in, followed by the husband. Anne felt her heart sink deep into her chest. This man should not see the room his wife was tortured (yes, it was torture, no matter what was said... torture) in. He should not see his wife as she lay comatose- dead to the world.
"Jesus Christ" an unpleasant look washed over the husbands face and distorted his features. The look was not sorrow or pity- it was disgust. "She's not getting any better, is she!" it wasn't a question.
"Sir-" Anne started to explain, but the doctor cut her off with a look that was as sharp as the smell coming from his hair.
"No- some women are feeble. They are weak. It's a matter of genetics and a poor disposition." The two men exchanged knowing glances. "I recommend six more sessions, at the highest rating allowed, medically." He pushed a form towards the husband. "Sign this, and that will authorize further treatments."
He signed, handed the form back to the doctor, turned, and left the room without casting a second glance at his wife.
***
Margot stopped noticing the leaves.
The doctor marked this in her chart, and noted it as "a marked improvement".
After the next treatment Margot stopped walking about the grounds, entirely.
The doctor marked this in her chart, and noted it as "another marked improvement".
There were no treatments during the week that the doctor was out of town. He was attending a conference on modern psychiatrics, and he would be speaking on his area of expertise- Electroshock Therapy, of course.
He used Margots case as proof of his success with this method. It rid her of her obsession with inanimate objects! It curbed her restlessness!
While the doctor was gone Margot changed even more. She wouldn't go outside. She asked the attendant for a rag, and she busied herself by dusting everything that she could reach. She dusted and dusted, and after the entire ward had been gone over twice, she dropped to hear hands and knees and worked on the floors.
When Anne heard that the doctor was back, she rushed to his office. "Sir... Margot... she's... she has done nothing all week but wipe the ward down, scrub the floors, eat, and sleep! What should I do??"
"Call her husband! Sounds like she's made a full recovery! He will be pleased!"
"But she's not even talking! Not going outside! She's-"
"Fantastic! I knew that electroshock would bring her back... to think- this is the woman who was brought to us because of her irrational tendencies." He flipped open her chart and ran his finger along the page, "see, here, it says she was argumentative, irrational, it even says she had taken to leaving home for days at a time... you know, that's why he brought her here... she was gone for over a week, and when he found her at her mothers house he drove straight here. It was the FOURTH time he had to retrieve her in a matter of one year! Four times she left in one year, so he came here. And, obviously, that was the right decision!"
The doctor was right. Margots husband was pleased with her recovery.
- VS -
Entry 2
I know how fucked I truly am.I have been accused of the worse penalty possible...challenging the sacredness of the all powerful. This was the only crime in his city which supercedes those of murder. It was the only crime with one punishment...death.
The cell was damp. However I was lucky to have my wealth. It was my biggest asset to get out of this alive.
As soon as I was brought here, I went up to my guard.
"Sir, I beg of you, do not place me in the dungeon," I pleaded.
"HAHA," he replied in a low and hearty laugh, "Why should I care whether you go in there?"
A smile crept onto my face. It always does during this situation. It was how I got to the social position that I currently reside at in this town.
"Because it would be to your financial benefit," I smoothly said.
My smile did not go unnoticed and he knew of my past dealings.
"Ah," he realized, "how much to my potential benefit would it be for me to place you here in...let's say...this cell right here."
Money was no object.
"You're salary."
Instantly in one smooth motion; he grabbed my arm and threw me into the cell he had pointed to just a moment ago.
I have always retained my manners.
"Thank you kind sir," I shouted as he walked away, "you shall receive your just payment as soon as my wife is able to visit."
He mumbled a response
My wife is an amazing woman. No no, she is a demi-goddess among us mortals. She was a priestess of Gaia, the sacred divinity of nature, before I wooed her. My money and confidence won her away from this life. This could not have pleased the mother goddess for my wife was the most beautiful of all the priestesses in Athens...in all of Achaean Empire.
I owe my very survival up to this point to my wife.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
I was born and raised in the island of Rhodes, a well known island of sea faring people. There we worshipped Helios, the sun god. We basked in his glory which was brought up every morning by his golden chariot. I really do not appreciate how great my life was as a child. I was born to artisans. My father, a goldsmith, and my mother, a weaver, were fine parents. They did not know of my cunning wit which allowed me to mingle with the wealthy children, the same wealthy children that would have a peasant beat at a moments noticed. But I escaped unharmed.
However at the age of 12; I had been taken by one of the fathers of these wealthy children and brought to Athens, not because I had been caught; I have never been caught...until last night. I later learned of the reason for this departure, being that my parents had been unable to pay their debt, so instead; I was taken as payment. This was the man which I based my very adult life upon. He was simply astounding. His ruthlessness and apathy in his financial dealing are what led him to such a status. However he made one mistake, teaching me of these dealings. Such a double-edged sword this apathy can be.
At the age of 17 I murdered him with the hemlock which his wife grew outside her gardens. I had never forgotten what he did to me...how he shook me out of my childhood bliss. The wife was blamed and killed for his murder, and their son banished...leaving me with the wealth of the man.
From that point on I took what I learned from him and applied it to an extent he could only dream. In 5 years, I had tripled his worth and now hold land in five separate territories of Achaea.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Last night though everything came to an appalling end. In my city of Megara, it was a crime not only of man, but against the gods as well if we worshipped any other god than Apollo. I had kept my rituals secret, solely in a secluded house on my property. In my house I contained the finest pieces of art that no single person doubted my devotion to the God of Light.
This was until one of my slaves stumbled upon my sacred house. She saw all of the ornaments, the golden statues, the divine art that praised Helios that she knew what punishment would occur. It was her longing to be free that caused her to tell the local Priest. I do not blame her for it, for I would have done the very same.
I was finally accused a night later, no doubt to be immediately executed once they laid their eyes upon my true sanctuary.
However as I was being taken away, my wife screeched, "Don't you lay a finger upon him! If you should, Mother Earth will bring Hades himself to rule the land."
Now from any old woman, such speech would be regarded as simply gibberish. However my wife has given 2 other oracles, each of which came true. The first was about a young woman of about 15 years of age and it was as such:
Such toils and troubles to bring her upon earth
Such a shame her life will be filled with such grief
First father, then mother, then brother as well
Finally she herself will bring her own end
As they will meet again on the river Styx
Within the next five years her father, then her mother both succumbed to disease. However, the girl, not wanting the oracle to come true, committed suicide as soon as she heard of her mother's death that day. But it was unknown to her that her brother died earlier that day to a snake bite.
The second came just a year ago. She told of a husband's infidelity, the words of which I cannot remember. However I assure to you, they were all true.
So because of this I was brought into the Priest's home. It was decided that since the Earth Goddess has been brought up in such matters, there was nothing other to do than to visit the oracle at Delphi to decide my fate.
And so I wait for what is to come.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
On the other side of town, the executioner is practicing his stroke upon some fruits. Seldom does he need to practice...however it is also seldom that he is paid a great deal to insure a clean stroke. Once again he has worked his magic. The executioner feels obliged to take Mercutius' life swiftly; he dares not to break a man-to-man oath he provided.
As he is practicing, he keeps muttering to himself as if criticizing his every fault.
After he slices through some lettuce, he yells to himself, "Turn it up damnit! The blade must be up higher."
On and on he went for hours.
As he kissed his necklace of Apollo he knew that he was finally ready to commit the deadly deed.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
The day had come that I was to be brought to Delphi; it would not be an easy trek, lasting as long as a month if the climate did not oblige to our desires. The people that went included my wife, the priest, a nobleman named Polymethos, and myself.
The trek was long and difficult, thrice did the old Priest of Apollo nearly cause us to loose our way. Upon the twenty third day we laid our eyes upon the sacred shrines of Delphi. They were marvelous, with such beauty that even the High King of Athens would be awestruck.
However it was not with the exterior that Delphi was famous for, but rather a small temple, where the Great Chasm lies. It is said when the oracle stands upon it and chews the laurel leaf; she has the ability to give great wisdom, advice and prophecy to those who seek it.
As I approached it, I began to tremble. This was truly the first time I had become visibly nervous. I knew that inside the temple was the one woman upon this earth who was above the power of my wealth. She was the one person who I could not control, couldn't bribe. My fate was solely upon her telling, and I weakened at the very thought of my vulnerability.
I entered the temple with the others as we were greeted by an angelic priestess of Delphi. The beauty of the Virgin priestesses is renounced across Achaea. She met us with a smile.
"Ah, so you are the ones from Megara; we have been expecting you. Welcome Priest of Apollo, Communicator of Gaia, Man who is a man and Man who stands accused."
I greeted her only with a smile and a small nod. I could not muster anymore.
She led us to the chasm that the Oracle uses to communicate with Gaia. When I entered I viewed witness to one of the most decrepit woman my eyes have laid upon. Her skin rotting, her fingers blistered and her eyes shut. She was blind; it was needed so she could view Gaia.
She did not move for minutes. After an hour; she took a laurel leaf from a small bowl to her left and began chewing it. The trance began instantaneously. She shook so hard that the priestess could hardly contain her feeble body.
Finally she spoke.
O wicked one approach
The same who talks of Helios
This man who bribes the weak
Cannot be tortured nor put to rest
O if you do not heed thy words I plead
The infamous will rise again,
As in the rape of Persephone,
And plunge the land into darkness.
After the oracle was through we were whisked out and the Priest froze when we left the temple.
He turned to me and spoke, "It is settled. We cannot continue with his death. He must be not be killed."
I hugged my wife, for we knew my life would be saved.
As Mercutius entered town, the executioner watched as the crowds began to gather around the Priest.
Upon their entrance the priest spoke, reciting the Oracle's words and warning them not to lay a finger upon Mercutius.
However, the executioner was deeply devoted to Apollo. He believed that Apollo himself saved him when he was a child when he was sick. Apollo's domain included medicine and none other than Apollo's son, Asclepius, who saved the executioner as a child using the Gorgon blood given to him by Athena to revive the boy after his heart stopped to beat.
The executioner in one swoop rushed Mercutius and struck him with one blow to the neck. His practice had paid off.
After Mercutius' body dropped, a hole began to develop from the spot where it fell.
Darkness would reign now.
Entry 1:
Ancius
Anjie
AsshOly
bigbabylons
Bigmike
cexshun
Circe
corn_nugget
Coyote
darko
deadSurfer
Degreeless_Capibara
Dirtbird
Disektor
drfeggphd
Durae
engine13
FunnyAsCancer
Genko
godking
humor_me
ieatbabies
jack11058
Jack_McCallum
Jo_of_the_golden_P
L-Gizzle
LadyPlural
littlestar8603
loki
Loren1
maiorano84
Method
munkeypants
MyNameIsTim
NerfHerder
nitty34
rad1101
rurumon
Scarlett13
Seralena
Snark
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
Teephphah
thaumaturge
The_Walrus
tidalfae
34 eligible votes (47 total) *
Entry 2:
10c7c
Allyson
apollo88
bob
Dervel
domenad
FilthyAssistant
Huber_the_Nose
hyp0luxa
hyprspacd
JennaRae
JonnyX
mystiamoon
omnifica
polyamorousaj
ralphmacchio
rath
redraven
runninginplace
salmonofdoubt
ScoutCJustice
Spuds002
stevie_says
TigerLilly
Tigre
tlozoot
wazzawazzayo
WillZone
xenon
youarsoghey
zakalwe
zombieZero
21 eligible votes (32 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-11-10 09:54:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by tidalfae (user info) at 2004-11-09 13:33:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Both of these started out good and ended not with a bang but just with a blah. the second one was more interesting but the ending was really dissapointing, therefore I have to go with #1.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-11-09 08:46:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
These were both very good, but they both contained elements I did not like. In #1 it was the blatang mysogyny on the part of the doctor and husband. I just love seeing men maligned. In #2 it was the mixing of mythologies. Gaia in Greek Mythology? I may be wrong, but uh, no. Not to mention . . . Helios . . . wasn't Apollo the sun god? Was Helios Roman? Anyway, I'm probably wrong. But since there were elements to each that nagged at me a little I had to go solely on the basis of the language.
#1 contained some beautiful prose, especially at the beginning as the author described Margot's love for the trees and the changing seasons. I also thought that #1 made better use of the title, I in the end I am going with #1.
And even though I'm sitting here bitching about trivial things, these were both really GREAT posts. Good job to you both.
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2004-11-08 14:28:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by bigbabylons (user info) at 2004-11-08 13:50:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-11-08 12:01:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
nice veer from the norm
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-11-08 09:35:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by hyp0luxa (user info) at 2004-11-08 01:01:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2004-11-08 00:41:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-11-07 10:48:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2, I thought the writing was kind of off a beat at points. And I'm running on very little sleep so I have less tolerance for those things. Plus I liked 1.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-11-06 08:51:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2004-11-05 22:38:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-11-05 19:07:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh yeah, I just remembered. Nothing in Entry 2 had to do with Turn It up except the executioner's little self-conversation.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-11-05 18:57:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I started laughing inside at the end of 1. I have a nagging suspicion of Vermin. Entry 2 caught my interest and was a great story, and caused me to think of all the strange things that really have happened in prophecies. I weighed it out, and Entry 1 wins by a slim margin. Both were terrific.
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-11-05 13:00:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked 2 better, even though it got a little convoluted at the end there.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-11-04 16:33:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-11-04 15:46:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by godking (user info) at 2004-11-04 13:35:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Both of these were great, but #1 had me laughing quite hard.
Submitted by hyprspacd (user info) at 2004-11-04 12:35:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Round 4!
Don't know why but I liked the ending of #2
Submitted by Ancius (user info) at 2004-11-04 10:43:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Scarlett13 (user info) at 2004-11-04 09:05:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
A sadly accurate portrayal of what it takes for some men to feel powerful.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2004-11-04 04:26:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by L-Gizzle (user info) at 2004-11-03 17:43:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-11-03 17:21:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by zombieZero (user info) at 2004-11-03 17:06:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-11-03 15:51:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by rath (user info) at 2004-11-03 15:18:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-11-03 09:22:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Both of these were good, but I had trouble getting into the second one.
Submitted by littlestar8603 (user info) at 2004-11-03 04:48:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
very creative and very interesting, i look forward to more, nice catch at the end.
Submitted by JennaRae (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:16:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by deadSurfer (user info) at 2004-11-02 19:49:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-11-02 19:31:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2004-11-02 19:02:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
?
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-11-02 17:36:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wasn't really impressed with either, sorry.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-11-02 16:25:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by omnifica (user info) at 2004-11-02 16:16:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Author 2 at 2004-11-02 15:59:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Alright a few things.
a) I understand that both Helios and Apollo have domains of the sun. However, the problem arose in that I have read conflicting stories as to their duties pertaining to the sun. Some said Helios rode the chariot, while Bernard Evslin named Apollo as the owner of the golden chariot. I went with Helios. oh well, in Edith Hamilton's Mythology, it names Apollo as God of Light and Helios as the god of the sun.
b) Pertaining to writing the story before. I have never done it. For the few sentences between, I did that on purpose in an attempt to seem how the usage of the title was so small but yet it is what the whole story is wrapped around. I guess I failed.
oh yea, I gave into peer pressure too easily cough cough #1 cough cough and I guess I could have looked it over more, but I had just gone over it too much. I actually made the story from the title, not the other way around. I had spent too much time on this to throw it away and with schoolwork and all, I had to go with it.
good luck Author 1.
Submitted by redraven (user info) at 2004-11-02 15:28:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rurumon (user info) at 2004-11-02 14:49:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I feel like the author of entry two wrote the story first, then inserted a couple sentences half way through when he/she found out what the title was going to be.
booo.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-11-02 13:50:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
If only Author #2 would have deleted the last four sentences, that would have been a really good story.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-11-02 13:22:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2004-11-02 12:17:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
better than #2
Submitted by cexshun (user info) at 2004-11-02 11:58:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't care much for #2. It was full of imagery, lore, and mythology. However, it lacked a good story behind it all.
#1 was written as stylish, but held a much better plot and storyline.
Vote #1
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-11-02 11:25:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
it would appear i was well wrong
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-11-02 11:22:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
maybe i just didnt understand them....... but they didnt interest me
fairly sure it was Willzone vs Degreeless tho
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2004-11-02 11:07:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#1 was a damn fine piece of fiction. 2 was alright, save for some glaring historical inaccuracies.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-11-02 10:42:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Amazing!!!
Submitted by Dirtbird (user info) at 2004-11-02 09:27:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-11-02 09:21:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
rad1101 (user info) at 2004-11-02 03:11:51 (#)
Ranking: 1
As long as she is bare foot and can cook.
-------------
...and I'm sure you mean that.
Is 1101 your badge # RAD?
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-11-02 09:19:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ralphmacchio (user info) at 2004-11-02 09:17:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-11-02 08:59:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well i had to didn't i?
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-11-02 08:59:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-11-02 08:25:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
picture rule...number 2!
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-11-02 07:35:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
1 was good, but I'm a sucker for ancient Greece.
Submitted by Huber_the_Nose (user info) at 2004-11-02 06:22:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-11-02 05:19:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Neither were very good.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-11-02 04:06:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have to say that neither one really appealed to me,
but Entry 1 read more smoothly and had fewer mistakes.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-11-02 03:11:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
As long as she is bare foot and can cook.
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-11-02 02:56:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not an easy choice..
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-11-02 02:05:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-11-02 02:05:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Two was decent, but one was more well-written and creepy. One also seemed to have more to do with the title. Good job to both, but 1 gets my vote.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-11-02 01:51:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not really a hard choice. Entry 1 may be an overused topic, but the writing in Entry 2 was a lot worse than I would have expected in this round.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-11-02 01:49:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And by dumbass sun I mean dumbass son. But I really meant to do that. It was a pun!
Ha ha... ha.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-11-02 01:48:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, Helios (son of Hyperion and Theia) was God of the Sun, he was the dude who flew his sun chariot across the sky. One day he let his dumbass sun ride the sun chariot and he burned a bunch of crap and made the deserts and stuff.
Apollo (son of Zues and Leto) is the Sun God, God of music and artsy stuff. He busts out the lyre.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-11-02 01:45:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-11-02 01:39:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Gah. I might be mistaken, but Helios was the same god as Apollo. Plus, entry one had to do with the title. Entry two... didn't. Both were something that I would expect in the second round, not the fourth. Oh well.
Submitted by ScoutCJustice (user info) at 2004-11-02 01:39:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It was a tough call. They were both solid, but not great. I guess I have to go with the Greek myth one as I am a sucker for Greek myths.
"Who wants to see his wife tied down to a bed, sweaty, swollen, and stinking of defecation?"
I do, right after I fucked her in the ass.
Sorry, it just sprang into my head when I read that line.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-11-02 01:37:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2 was sort of boring. And it used 'you're salary' instead of 'your salary'. Entry 1 gets my vote.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-11-02 01:31:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-11-02 01:18:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-11-02 00:56:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ieatbabies (user info) at 2004-11-02 00:45:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-11-01 23:31:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-11-01 22:50:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-11-01 22:38:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-11-01 22:08:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like ham.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-11-01 21:50:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish i could find a woman like margot
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2004-11-01 21:46:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 better not win. It was like a mediocre One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. All this ECT stuff is overdone, it's not really that bad.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-11-01 21:21:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Both were fantastic.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-11-01 21:19:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-11-01 21:11:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2004-11-01 21:05:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Now THIS is an improvement. Both stories were well done, but #1 really shines, and is written very well.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-11-01 20:54:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by humor_me (user info) at 2004-11-01 20:46:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2004-11-01 20:41:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
1 was creepy, and just generally a good story...although...seemed like the ending could have been better.
2 jumped right in with the swearing, so I thought this might be a common-man's kinda story, but then it went all ancient Greece on me. And that's where you lost me.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-11-01 20:35:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
both were really good.