Can Donuts Cure Sandy Vaginas? (2856 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.03 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Quartermain (View user info) at 2004-11-02 13:34:04 EST
A friend of mine tells me that polling places in Florida give out free donuts and juice when you vote. She is of the opinion that if this fact were more widely advertised, that there would be an increased turnout among people her age(she's 19). She feels that donuts would be an even more powerful draw that Puff Daddy and Eminem's studio gangster theatrics.
'Donuts are a powerful secret weapon', she assures me. 'I think that all of the world's problems could probably be solved by donuts.'
'What about sandy vaginas?', I say. 'Do you think donuts could cure those?'
'I don't know, probably', she says. 'I find it unlikely that even the whiniest little bitch would complain about donuts.'
So I figure, what better place to test this theory than Ubersite, which seems to have a preponderance of sandy vaginas lately. So here you go. Have a donut and lighten up, you grumpy fucks.
User Reviews
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-11-05 03:49:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Congratulations for Nov. 2nd. I know you are happy, and I can understand this.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-11-03 16:22:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
a little queef to blow the sand out will help you
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-11-03 16:17:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know, it's a shame. I would have thought that if anything could cure sandy vaginas, it would have been donuts, but apparently not. Maybe I'll have to go with AJ's suggestion and use the shopvac.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-11-03 15:24:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think that it is safe to say after assessing the responses of cheesedick, rock_music, Tokerson, Caulaincourt, Adamdidit2u and Shlongy that even the awesome power of donuts cannot cure the everpresent problem of having sand in one's vagina.
And it's a damn pity.
Submitted by cuckingfunt (user info) at 2004-11-03 09:51:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I dunno. Do you really want more fat chicks voting?
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-11-03 09:34:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They had donuts at the polls?
I don't know what a sandy vagina is. But, then again, it's probably best I didn't.
Submitted by cheesedick (user info) at 2004-11-03 08:46:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ummmm quartermain, shut the fuck up
ummmm caliouncourt or whatever your name is, shut the fuck up
you are both whining little maggots, now shut the fuck up
-2 because i read the first few retorts you gave to each other and they made me feel like sticking my head into an industrial press.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-11-03 03:36:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
**it's useless if you can't eat the donuts, dumbass**
See, this is exactly what I'm talking about. I think everyone who read this post is fully aware that I was not offering them actual donuts but rather using donuts to make a point. But, noooooooo Captain Cockgobbler had to point out to everyone that you can't eat a .jpeg of donuts.
Thanks for the newsflash, assclown.
Submitted by rock_music (user info) at 2004-11-02 21:45:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
it's useless if you can't eat the donuts, dumbass
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-11-02 21:00:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
**Do you have any other insightful hints on myself or my province that I'm not awared of?**
That 'aware' is not spelled with a 'd'. Also, garlic is not a cologne. Neither are onions.
**If one writes a quality post, they've no need to give themselves positive scores.**
I do this secure in the knowledge that my ratings on my posts affect it's final score the same way that a vote for Nader affects his chances of actually getting elected, i.e. not at all. See, here's another positive score given to me by me and, much like the U.N., it does nothing.
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2004-11-02 19:46:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
...
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2004-11-02 19:44:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2004-11-02 19:44:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I found this post amusing, but after reading the reviews, find it necessary to counter-act the fact that you've given your own post 3 +2s with 3 -2s of my own.
If one writes a quality post, they've no need to give themselves positive scores.
Go fuck a dead body.
Submitted by Ashlee <@ work> at 2004-11-02 19:26:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"You've heard of Aristotle, Socrates, and Plato? Morons, all of them."
Phantom +2 for the (albeit flawed) Princess Bride reference.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-11-02 19:20:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"If people were nice to you, you wouldn't know what to do."
The sheer idiocy of this statement made me spurt green tea. You sure seem to know a lot about me and quebecois. Do you have any other insightful hints on myself or my province that I'm not awared of?
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-11-02 19:12:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
**But you actually believe the shit you come up with or see on TV.**
No I don't. I'm one of the few people here who doesn't take themselves WAY too seriously. 90% of the things I say and do on this site I do for no greater reason than because it amuses and/or entertains me.
**The way you constantly point out that I'm from Quebec as if it had anything to do in any matter**
Like they say in court, 'it speaks to the credibility of the witness, Your Honour.' Besides, like most Quebecois, liberals, indie film hipsters, and Red Sox Fans, you thrive on snide remarks and smart-ass comments. It feeds the martyr complex. If people were nice to you, you wouldn't know what to do.
**And the fact that you measure your intellect based on numbers on an internet forum.**
My intellect is so vast as to be immeasurable. You've heard of Aristotle, Socrates, and Plato? Morons, all of them. The reference I pointed you to is merely the tippiest tip of the iceberg, the shallowest skim of my genius. Don't want your head exploding, after all, do we?
**I guess that's a bit above your standards though.**
I am the standard. Nothing is above me.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-11-02 18:39:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I generalize a lot when I'm pissed off. I usually take them back though.
But you actually believe the shit you come up with or see on TV. The way you constantly point out that I'm from Quebec as if it had anything to do in any matter is by itself a testament of your stupidity. And the fact that you measure your intellect based on numbers on an internet forum.
You can fuck my mom if you want. She turned fifty two days ago. I guess that's a bit above your standards though.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-11-02 18:30:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
**You just have to be stupid, fat and white. From your ugly pictures and writings, that's pretty much you.**
On the charge of being stupid, the fact that you think I am so only betrays your lack of ability to recognise genius when it smacks you in the face like a giant flounder being wielded by a large blonde German woman named Inga. Being the magnanimous and forgiving type that I am, I'll direct you here: http://www.ubersite.com/u/Quartermain so you can get a brain tan from the shining light of my genius.
As for being fat, I'll admit that my six pack has lately become a twelve pack, but I blame that on the fact that various womenz keep cooking me meals and having me over for dinner. What can I do, I don't want to disappoint the vast army of 'cherie amours' that find me irresistable for many and varied reasons.
As for being white, there's really nothing I can do about that. Even if I could, I wouldn't change it though. Somebody has to be on top in this world, and it might as well be me.
And I am on top.
Of your mom.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-11-02 18:05:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You don't have to be american or quebecois or something to be white trash.
You just have to be stupid, fat and white. From your ugly pictures and writings, that's pretty much you.
"That's really ironic, considering that the Quebecois are considered little better than hillbillies by the actual Froggies."
Your generalization is way off. You can't even manage to be retarded...wow!
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-11-02 17:11:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
**I should never expect much from stupid white trash**
That's really ironic, considering that the Quebecois are considered little better than hillbillies by the actual Froggies.
Let me extend my sincerest apologies that this was not the illiterate political screed, poorly-done MS Paint picture, porn, or 'look at me, I'm cool because I got drunk' story that you have come to expect from Uber. Again, I wallow in sorrow for not having lived down to your expectations. Rest assured, it will happen again.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-11-02 14:20:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I should never expect much from stupid white trash
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-11-02 14:11:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Donut Post Tuesday (DPT)
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-11-02 13:56:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No. Shopvacs will, though.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-11-02 13:54:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
eck
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-11-02 13:45:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Donuts Rock
This post however......did not
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-11-02 13:44:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This sucked!
Submitted by Zavebe (user info) at 2004-11-02 13:40:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
a sandy vagina...
holy cow. That's a bad thought
*shivers violently and steals a donut*
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2004-11-02 13:40:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
MMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Dooooooooooooooooonuts.
*drooooool*
Submitted by Duck_lucky (user info) at 2004-11-02 13:38:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Doughnuts are cool.
That is all I have to say.
Brandy
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-11-02 13:38:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It'd definitely help draw in the "stoned slacker" crowd.