(Resubmit) Rambling Superman Chronicles: Dodgeball and Superpiss (508 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: -0.6 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jabba_the_Shit (View user info) at 2004-11-02 15:41:45 EST
"Squirt me with it!"
"Umm..."
"Come on, Clark, squirt me with it! Shoot it all over my fucking face!"
"Okay..."
Jenny sure loved orange juice. What a weird bitch. I squeezed that orange with one iron Krypton-clench that sent her flying backwards with the impact of the juice. So I started fucking her unconscious body. After I came a few times--blowing several holes in the walls--I noticed she wasn't being very receptive. She had acted this way before, but being the horny girl she was, I could tell she enjoyed herself by the near-zero coefficient of friction of her pussily-doo.
This time, however, her twat was more like tongue. Cat tongue. That's when I noticed the blood seeping out of orange seed-sized holes in her forehead and throat. This led me to believe that I had shot her with orange seeds. Slightly saddened, I fucked her in the ass a few times and then snapped her in half and threw her in the fireplace.
Then I went to my room to do some homework. My sister kept interrupting my studies with blowjobs, but I still managed to finish before practice. What practice, you may ask? Dodgeball practice. Ohhhh yeah.
You might think that my superhuman strength would give me an unfair advantage against all the other teenagers. Hell fuckin' yeah it does!! Did you ever use a Game Genie to give yourself unlimited lives or extra power in games like Double Dragon? Well, that's what it's like to be me. To be fair, though, I always aim for the stomach and try to keep my throwing speed under 1% of my capacity. It seems that regular folks just arent equipped with strong enough necks. Heh.
It's okay, though. Headhunting isn't allowed. So to prove my point, I sometimes add a little zip to my throws to plow through my opponents' guts like a cannonball to prove a point. Not sure what the point is, but it's funny watching the color drain out of a person as it pours out their center. It's pretty artistic in a fucked up kind of way.
An added bonus is how slutty cheerleaders are. No matter how high our opponents are ranked, as soon as their cheerleaders see a sign of weakness in their own guys--like the aforementioned hole-in-stomach--they come to me like I give two shits about them. In truth I give two fucks about them. Then I snap their heads off and fuck their mouths until I cum. Then I feel bad about what I did and spank myself. This usually lasts about a minute before I'm ready for another cheerleader.
To date, I've only killed 53 guys this season, compared to 203 last year. Coach says I'm the best player he's ever seen, especially for a sophomore. He's a great guy. I trust him enough to have let him in on my whole "superpowers" secret. In turn, he's shown me the proper way to burn down the houses of the families of the opponents I've killed without leaving a trail of evidence. He also let me fuck his daughter on the condition that I piss on her. I didn't ask. I just did.
My brother Shitbro told me something about my piss strengthens any organic substances it comes in contact with. This means that, by pissing on Coach's daughter, I somehow transferred over a small portion of my powers. I think my bro's full of shit. But since he's made of shit, I guess he's okay with that. Now that I think about it, I guess I know why all the flowers in my dad's garden are so fucking huge now.
Well, I'm off to our state semi-final match against Gotham City now. Wish me luck!
User Reviews
Submitted by Zoidberg at 2004-11-02 16:17:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this is becoming a habit
Submitted by Jabba_the_Shit (user info) at 2004-11-02 16:16:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
T! I! G-R-E! GOOOOOOO SHITHEAAAAD!!!
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-11-02 16:13:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I told you to shut the fuck up.
Submitted by abefroman42 (user info) at 2004-11-02 16:06:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
enough of this faggety shit
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-11-02 16:05:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
not terrible
Submitted by Jabba_the_Shit (user info) at 2004-11-02 16:04:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
T! I! G-R-E! GOOOO ASSHOOOOLE!!!!
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-11-02 16:01:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Shut the fuck up.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-11-02 15:51:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, okay...I'll even you out, then.
Submitted by thricepalermo (user info) at 2004-11-02 15:49:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Its been done before.
Short story called "Mand of steel, woman of tissue paper" describes how superman blows off Lois Lanes
head with his spunk load. By Larry Niven I think.
Your is not entirely without merit though.
I thought the OJ was a creative call.
Submitted by Jabba_the_Shit (user info) at 2004-11-02 15:47:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, my bad! I forgot to include this little tidbit in the beginning:
One of my secret passions on Uber is Chinaman's Rambling Superman Chronicles series...since he hasn't done one in a while, I figured I would create one to pay tribute, and perhaps inspire a few more episodes.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-11-02 15:44:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Way to create something original, fucktard.
Submitted by Jabba_the_Shit (user info) at 2004-11-02 15:43:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ever have a boss sneak up on you so fast that you panicked and did some funky submitting? holy mothafuckin shit