Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Cilfone! (992 hits)
Category: Politics -> Election 2004Rating: 1.42 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by John Galt (View user info) at 2004-11-02 20:18:39 EST
Yep, that's right. I'm starting a movement all by myself. After all these months of Kerry waffles, Bush is a moron, Badnarik can't win, Nader is a socialist, etc. I finally came up with the solution. Today, Tuesday, November 2nd, 2004, I voted for Bart Cilfone to become the 44th President of the United States of America.
Since I'm the one that started the movement in the first place, I've decided to name myself as the Vice President. Now, in order to run this office properly, I've come up with the following suggestions for Cabinet members and other appointments:
Secretary of Agriculture/One Hit Wonder: Tom - I hear he has a jungle of plants in his back yard, so surely he's the best fit. We just won't let him try and water the Whitehouse lawn. He can also be "Secretary of Bad Hair and Spiders".
Secretary of Defense/Hitwhore General: Method - Have you seen him? Who's gonna fuck with Method, seriously? And if we start to lose he can post naked pictures of the eight year old daughters of any opposing country's leaders.
Secretary of Education/"Special Assistant" to the Vice President: Lojope - Because I want a free +2 and she'll kick my ass if I don't put her here.
Secretary of the Treasury: Loki - I hear she's good at numbers. Plus, lets face it, she got robbed on that Agriculture thing. We could also let her ramble live on stage at press conferences every Thursday. We'll put Razor in charge of the Fed.
Homeland Security: KoolMang - He seems to have a knack for getting past Bart's bans, surely he can figure out how the terrorists are getting past the US borders.
Secretary of Disproportionately Large Facial Features: New position created just for Fetish and Jay Leno.
Co-Secretaries of Disproportionately Large People: Apollo and WillZone
Attorney General: AJ - He can track down online sexual predators one cybersex chat at a time.
We'll let Loren be in charge of all foreign affairs. I don't know about the rest of you, but if it meant having to listen to her bitch, I'll be damned if I'd fuck with the US.
We'll leave the rest open for now and let people apply.
I also have a few suggestions for the Supreme Court: squattail, Fetish, KoolMang, Degreeless_Capapipidpidilad (whatever), cigar, etc. I hate them just as much as the next guy, but can you imagine how much they'd piss off the Christian Right? Man, I love it when those fuckers get upset.
That's all for now. If anyone else has any suggestions, leave them below.
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-11-14 12:48:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/51556
Submitted by Shut up John the Bitchass at 2004-11-05 10:04:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh yeah, Haha and I was like, why dont you reply with the coolest reply ever !
I_HAVE_A_KRISTEN_FETISH -2 @ 1.0 har har har. I'm John Galt and I am the coolset Uberfuck ever,
haraharhar.
Lojope : Yeah you are so cool aharaharhar. *fart*
You are my bitch.
Submitted by Jerkface at 2004-11-05 10:00:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I 'm sure everyone loved you in highschool retard.
-2 for the geek.
Submitted by HowardRoark (user info) at 2004-11-04 11:41:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Grins
Submitted by CoreaPeekay (user info) at 2004-11-03 14:53:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-11-03 01:03:55 (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-11-02 23:24:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:48:32 (#)
Ranking: -2
Here's a suggestion.
You're a fucking gay, ass kisser
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Great use of a comma, dumbass
-----
Great use of a period, dipshit.
Har har, peener?
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-11-03 14:41:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-11-03 14:40:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess that means I should stop negative 2-ing now.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-11-03 14:39:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Aw, but the best part came after that!
It's okay, I'm going to China anyway so you're forgiven.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-11-03 14:37:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Lojope just put me in charge of any of her duties that involve being your personal assistant"...I stopped reading after that. All the blood seems to have vacated my brain.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-11-03 14:25:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
It's time for my nap now.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-11-03 14:23:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No way in hell will I ever have the title of "Secretary" to or of anything.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-11-03 14:21:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh look, now the rating counts.
I know why you didn't include me - I'm too competent to be in politics.
Lojope just put me in charge of any of her duties that involve being your personal assistant, giving me the opportunity to poison your coffee and eventually take control of the whole corrupt, ass-kissery you call a government. Don't bother asking her why she did this, she will only deny it in an attempt to avoid getting in trouble.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-11-03 14:12:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Durae can be the "Secretary of Sleeping and Procrastination"
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-11-03 10:02:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can i be the commissioner of football?
or maybe Supreme court judge, Life without work!
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-11-03 09:59:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-11-03 09:09:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to run the DEA!! pleeeeeeease?
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Why the hell would we even keep the DEA?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-11-03 09:09:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to run the DEA!! pleeeeeeease?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-11-03 09:07:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
can i be a commissioner of something?
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-11-03 01:03:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-11-02 23:24:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:48:32 (#)
Ranking: -2
Here's a suggestion.
You're a fucking gay, ass kisser
------
Great use of a comma, dumbass
-----
Great use of a period, dipshit.
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-11-02 23:57:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-11-02 23:24:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:48:32 (#)
Ranking: -2
Here's a suggestion.
You're a fucking gay, ass kisser
------
Great use of a comma, dumbass
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HAHAHAHAHA!
Submitted by Durae at 2004-11-02 23:47:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
sell. out.
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2004-11-02 23:37:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
...I voted for Kodos.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-11-02 23:24:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:48:32 (#)
Ranking: -2
Here's a suggestion.
You're a fucking gay, ass kisser
------
Great use of a comma, dumbass
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-11-02 23:13:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, that doesn't really leave many things that haven't been in your anus.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-11-02 22:44:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't blame me, I have cancer. In my anus.
Submitted by Salmon (user info) at 2004-11-02 22:16:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Meh.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-11-02 21:15:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Attorney General: AJ - He can track down online sexual predators one cybersex chat at a time.
YAAAAAAAY
I promise once I'm elected I won't make the same mistake as Ashcroft and sing.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:50:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:38:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I be a JOINT Chief of something? Or maybe secretary of transportation?
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Dude, hell no. You and I are gonna be WAYYYY too shit faced to do anything useful. You can be "Secretary of Filling My Glass" or something.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:48:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Here's a suggestion.
You're a fucking gay, ass kisser.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:47:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yo, Yo. Can I be the fat guy that sits in the lobby eating pizza, waving to people while I watch CNN and FOX? That'd kick ass.
Submitted by Jerems (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:45:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i've got nothing against you since you didn't vote for that ass kerry.
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:41:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i wanna be the pope
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:39:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Co-Secretaries of Disproportionately Large People: Apollo and WillZone
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Was I not a fit for this category?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:38:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I be a JOINT Chief of something? Or maybe secretary of transportation?
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:37:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Who's going to hire a company with a kicked in sign? NOBODY! That's who!"
I'm well aware of the fact that that has nothing to do with anything.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:35:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yea it is better...
fucker.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:33:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"Secretary of Defense/Hitwhore General: Method - Have you seen him? Who's gonna fuck with Method, seriously?"
NOBODY.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:31:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Co-Secretaries of Manwhores: Bob and Kristen - Primary responsibility is to pimp Bart and Donkey. We'll let Kristen handle the night duties after Bob's mom makes him come home for dinner.
That better? :-)
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:27:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
why arent i on this?
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:26:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You have no idea how much I want to -2 you just for spite. Damn my principles. Damn them to hell.
Just kidding, baby. Lojo *hearts* you.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:25:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why would I piss off the Christian Right? Just because we declared it unconstitutional for the pope to not call himself the peener and wear the appropiate hat?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:21:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
bahahahah
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-11-02 20:19:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/50406
VOTE FOR TRANNY BART!!!!!!!!!