Battle Of The Music All-Stars: Strokin’ Versus The Queer Eye Theme (1292 hits)
Category: Politics -> Election 2004Rating: 1.29 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ingsoc (View user info) at 2004-11-03 23:54:34 EST
The other day I was talking to my buddy, and he had recommended a song to me. Lots of people do this- philistines, mostly- they try to alter my beautiful vision of the musical landscape with their shitty crap. The offender in this case is the song Strokin' by Clarence Carter (who?), and its competitor is the Queer Eye-popularised song All Things by Widelife.
"Dude, Clarence Carter won awards for this song- it was voted the best lovemaking song of all time! He died while making love!"
Three strikes and you're fucking out.
You know what else won awards? The movie Titanic. Now I liked Titanic, but there are a lot of people out there who would kick me in the face for that if they had the chance. The point is the fact that a great number of people eat Doritos and drink Pepsi doesn't mean they have good taste in means for shortening their life expectancy. Personally, I would prefer Lays and Coke. When a lot of people like something, it doesn't stop it from being shitty.
I fucking dare you to try to get a girl undressed with that crap playing in the background. The bitch would bust a nut laughing at you for being such a pathetic douche. You may as well go clubbing wearing a purple suit in a florist van.
So he died while having sex- all that proves is that the fat fuck couldn't handle the touch of a woman.
As for All Things, hold onto your hats! This homogay mix arrives hot off the heels of the critically acclaimed epic television series Queer Eye For The Straight Guy as its main theme. Though unbeknownst to most, the theme to QE is called All Things. It is a memorable song engrained into our culture by the metrosexual trend so prominent in modern society.
INGSOC'S ONE-OFF SONG COMPARISON RATING SCALE (/25)
CLARENCE CARTER - STROKIN'
Vocals: 2/5- He sounds like my tenth grade science teacher (not a compliment); sort of funny for a bit, but then not.
Beat: 1/5- Plodding and disjointed; uses all sorts of nonsensical percussion such as cowbells and tambourines over a pre-existing electronic rhythm. Boo.
Lyrics: 3/5- Would have scored 1 had Josh not later asked me "What does he mean by 'strokin'?"
Riffs: 1/5- Country-Western electric guitar.
Irony: 1/5- Even today this song is not enjoyable as so many songs from its era are. Cannot be classified as a novelty song, as it's slathered in total obscurity.
TOTAL: 8/25
32%
WIDELIFE - ALL THINGS
Vocals: 4/5- Heavily filtered, all sense of unwanted humanity has been drained- and it sounds terrific!
Beat: 5/5- The sort of gay dance bar stuff that just makes you wanna dance your fool head off.
Lyrics: 3/5- Compared to Clarence Thomas, this thing is Don Henley's American Pie.
Riffs: 3/5- Synth-driven and fully electronic, just like the good ol' days.
Irony: 5/5- As long as QE is part of our vernacular, this song will continue to rock for all us non-homosexes.
TOTAL: 20/25
80%
WINNER: The Queer Eye Theme
User Reviews
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2005-02-20 19:15:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This discussion was rekindled recently.
Josh: "If it's such a shitty song, then why is it track number one on love making CDs?"
Me: "So you can skip over it."
I'm so impressed with myself I can barely move.
Submitted by Fish3000 (user info) at 2004-11-04 19:03:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This is relevant.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/50643
Submitted by superdude at 2004-11-04 17:33:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dude, you're super!
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2004-11-04 15:53:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that Saddam?
hahaha, awesome
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-11-04 11:20:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I be strokin to the east strokin to the west strokin to the woman that
I love the best I be strokin
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-11-04 02:18:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I bartended in a hick bar in West Virginia where at least twice a night the jukebox would pump out "Strokin'." And what's worse is that on karaoke nights that was always a favorite to sing. Horrible. Just horrible.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2004-11-04 00:31:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My reasoning: I hate Strokin'. It's my girlfriend's favorite song. I hate it. She plays it for me unrelentingly. I hate it. God dammit, I hate it.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2004-11-04 00:30:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PLUS FUCKING TWO
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-11-04 00:13:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You... came into my life... blah blah blah blah keep gettin' bett-ah...
blah
It is catchy, I admit... but I don't know the words.
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-11-03 23:58:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the pic