Dubya meets God (826 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.55 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Todd Canedy <toddcanedy.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-11-04 13:45:52 EST
G: Look, George, we need to talk.
W: Sweet Jesus, who the hell are you? Terrorist! Terrorist!
G: No, George, I am the one you call God.
W: Oh shit, I'm fucked! I mean, I mean...mother Mary full of grace...
G: Christ, will you stop it with that shit. This is what I'm talking about right here. Every time you go and fuck something up or get yourself in trouble you tell everyone you did it in my name, or I told you to do it, or some other stupid shit that implicates me with your bad moves. Well I'm through with that George.
W: But the good book tells me that you hate the queers too and that they must be stopped at all costs.
G: Fuck, I am so sick of this shit, what book are you talking about?
W: Umm...the Bible.
G: Let me see that thing.
(W hands bible to God)
G: Who the hell wrote this? This isn't how it all happened. Is that supposed to be a picture of Jesus on the wall?
W: Yes sir, or your honor, or your holiness.
G: What in the world made you think he has blue eyes and blonde hair? He's from the Middle fucking East you dipshit, you ever seen an Aryan guy from Mesopotamia before? I don't think so.
W: Umm...ummm...that's just...how...um...what I was told my whole life God. Man, are my palms sweating right now.
G: (under breath) That's because you are leaning on the gates of hell you heathen.
W: What was that?
G: Nothing, nothing. Hey listen, George, do you really believe that it makes sense to bomb people in the name of peace? Does that really make sense?
W: Yes, I am holding my ground on this one big guy. Saddam was a terrorist with weapons of mass destruction, who had neucular bombs aimed right at us, and they killed lots of those Curtains.
G: Do you mean the Kurdish?
W: Yeah, those too, and he also tried to kill my daddy!
G: Oh, I see, this is one of those eye for an eye things, isn't it? What was the saying? An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind? Ringing a bell dubya? Thou shalt not kill? Am I getting through to you?
W: I'm the commander in chief, I can do what I want!
G: George, you need to start thinking about what's right, not what some fuckwad wrote in the "bible." You could use that thing for fishing it's got so many holes in it. Maybe you should stop thinking about how you can make everyone like you, and accept that they are different and move on. Maybe install a democratic government in your own country George?
W: But then my buddies wouldn't make so much money off of those poor people.
G: I'll put it to you plain and simple here George: quit using my name, stop your bullshit campaign infringing on the basic human rights of everyone you come in contact with, stop killing people, and stop promoting abstinence.
W: Why should I stop promoting abstinence God?
G: Here's the analogy George: You have cable, I have people. You watch porno, I watch people, get it?
W: What are you saying?
G: Look, I am God and there is no goddess that you people made up for me to "have relations with," and no mortal woman could take my God-sized man-meat, am I getting through to you at all? Do I make myself clear?
W: Ohhh, OK then god.
G: And another thing, you are on the very verge of hell right now with your toes dangling off the precipice. Stop fucking around or I'll push you over, I've given you one more chance to fix what you have broken. If you do not succeed, you will be boiled in hot oil for the rest of eternity while Satan makes you watch ghey sex all day as atheists hold open your eyelids. Do I make myself clear?
W: I think so.
G: I don't want you thinking that you won the election on your own Georgie poo. I did a lot of work to change people minds and keep a good Democratic candidate out of the running. Did you see when I made Howard Dean do that scream? That was so classic. Any way, to make myself clear - you did not do this on your own, I have given you one more chance to fix what you have broken, stop fucking with the fags, that's how I am controlling the population right now since you guys figured out how to control plagues. And one more thing - your daughter's have been banging Nader. BUNG!
User Reviews
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-11-04 17:38:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Meh, reminded me of a bad copy of Heinlien with some swearing mixed in for fun.
All in all, I've seen better.
Submitted by Smoothe (user info) at 2004-11-04 15:45:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck all you haters out there, jeebus is pissed off (and black).
Submitted by genocidic001 (user info) at 2004-11-04 15:29:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't let these bastages dis this post. We all know that we're created in "Big J's" image. He's probably laughing his ass off saying, "I made him! Who made George?" then glaring accusingly @ Jesus.
Submitted by jlb392 (user info) at 2004-11-04 15:21:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Schwarzes_Glas (user info) at 2004-11-04 15:19:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
so fucking original, i had to -2 it.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-11-04 15:10:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2004-11-04 15:01:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
blasphemy
Submitted by Arsenal (user info) at 2004-11-04 14:50:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
G: Here's the analogy George: You have cable, I have people. You watch porno, I watch people, get it?
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-11-04 14:41:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2004-11-04 14:38:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
suck on my dick faggot and swing it around
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-11-04 14:26:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
har har
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-11-04 14:22:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
something tells me god would rather bitch slap some sense into George rather than try to talk to the brick wall..
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-11-04 14:16:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
no mortal woman could take my God-sized man-meat
Submitted by Smoothe (user info) at 2004-11-04 14:12:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Come on now, you know God is shaking his head right now
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2004-11-04 14:06:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice. Even Better with Jay reference....
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-11-04 14:06:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this was pretty elementary.
Submitted by bignasty (user info) at 2004-11-04 14:05:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i hate god and all he stands for...that arrogant bitch
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2004-11-04 14:04:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for the post.
+1 for "neucular".
He can't say nuclear, that really scares me. Dum de dum de dum, lalala.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-11-04 14:03:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad, not bad...
+1 for God's "God-sized man-meat."
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-11-04 13:57:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
very creative.
Submitted by SAECULUM.AUREUM (user info) at 2004-11-04 13:55:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I'm sorry, but this is a little to idolatrous for its own good...in my opinion
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-11-04 13:55:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehehe. God's a liberal.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-11-04 13:54:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by the_mysterious_stranger (user info) at 2004-11-04 13:52:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Though I do not necessarily agree with your political leaning, that was fucking classic. B@W?
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-11-04 13:48:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope it was Jenna.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-11-04 13:47:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Mildly amusing. Fags, controlling the population? Hmmm. I almost believe it