David Icke is Magical. (1933 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 0.5 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Enraged Baboon (View user info) at 2004-11-06 05:19:51 EST
Hello, I am back from my slumber to talk to you about David Icke.
David Icke is my hero. He knows everything about the world and he is very special. If there was a competition about being special then he would win. Some people make fun of David but they don't realize he is saving us from sub-dimensional Reptiles. David Icke is as strong as a hunk and several times more attractive. Some call him stylish but the correct word to descibe him is "suave". If you look at a picture of David Icke you will realize he is a highly sexual creature, which means that everything he says is seven times more true than if an ugly person said it.
If you've never heard of David Icke then you are a slave of the reptiles, but don't worry because I am here to explain everything. It is really quite simple: a secret kabal of alien reptiles has infiltrated the human gene pool. The reptiles are sub-dimensional, which means they exist in a higher realm that is approximately equal to your imagination. This wasn't enough for the reptiles, so they decided to come to Earth and inhabit our human bodies. It is not clear why. Some think it is all a reptilian joke, but one fact remains obvious: the reptiles are naughty (and bad).
Many people are scared of these highly true claims and they react by attacking David Icke. These people are not my friends. They are in denial. Other people want to know who is in charge of the reptiles. These people have open minds and are therefore cool. Luckily, David Icke is here to reveal the truth to them. The real head of the Reptiles is naturally the Queen of England. The Queen is the leader of an international family of reptiles known as The Black Nobility. This family includes every powerful person who has ever lived. Even Gandhi.
Reptiles are the cause of all human suffering. Every crime in the history of the world was directly performed by The Black Nobility. If you ever fail a test then it was because of reptiles. If you ever miss a bus then the reptiles did it. This mostly and totally true fact explains everything. Humans would never do anything wrong, because we are perfect, but once our bodies are invaded by reptiles then things start to go wrong. Very wrong. It is sort of like in the Mighty Ducks, when the team gets too serious and starts to lose, except replace ice hockey with reptiles.
David Icke has many other important teachings, which I will now explain. The first thing you need to know is that Georg Hegel is the devil. I am totally serious, in an extremely hardcore way. The Hegelian dialect will destroy us all. This concept teaches that change comes about by a problem followed by a reaction and finally a solution. David Icke correctly knows that this idea is evil. Problems should never be solved. Solutions will always lead to trouble. Reptilian trouble. Do you approve of reptilian trouble? If you do then you are a communist.
If something goes wrong--e.g., the world is invaded by alien reptiles--then you should never attempt to solve the problem because that will just make it worse. Here is an example of this theory in action:
1. A neighbor's dog attacks you.
2. You kill the dog.
3. ???
4. Seventeen magical dogs attack you.
As you can see, you should never attempt to solve a problem. The inner workings of this complex new theory are still unclear, but scientists at the International University of David Icke have confirmed that anyone who disagrees is a member of Al Qaeda.
Many people disagree with David Icke. The estimated number of such people is 5.999 billion. For convenience, I will say that the whole world disagrees with David Icke. How can we deal with this problem? It's very simple. David Icke perfectly claims that the entire world is insane, except for himself. This fact proves that it doesn't matter what anybody says, unless that person is David Icke. David Icke is sacred, not to mention holy, so he doesn't have to deal with the ravings of intellectual pygmies. So make sure you agree with David Icke, that way you are always right--even when you are wrong, which is never.
Flouride is another dangerous fact of life that society refuses to deal with. David Icke has spent countless seconds studying this poison's harmful complexities. The reptilian authorities will have us believe that the Flouride in our water supply is just keeping our teeth healthy. What a cute fantasy. Unfortunately, it's just another reptilian diversion. The truth is that Flouride makes you sexually attracted to reptiles. It does this by forcing your brain to become about as smart as a dog. This process is known by scholars as intellectual pygmification.
Most people are contaminated with Flouride and are therefore intellectual pygmies. This means they are secretly having sex with reptiles. Flouride causes you to admire Georg Hegel. Other side-effects include affection toward the Queen. Hegel and the Queen are dangerous, but many people fail to see that because their systems are infected with reptiles. If someone in your family mentions the Queen, or has healthy teeth, then it is safe to assume they are a reptile. Do not panic. They can be saved. All they have to do is give all your money to David Icke. It is very important to donate that money because reptiles are allergic to people who make David Icke rich.
I would like to close by telling you that the galaxy is 167 trillion years old, is conscious, and absolutely hates humans who were generated by this planet. This true fact was told to me by Sylvester H. Christie. Sylvester H. Christie is the second smartest man on Earth. He is definitely not a reptile.
If you want to become as smart as me then you will need to visit and memorize Sylvester H. Christie's website ( http://nationaltreason.com/ ) and also David Icke's website ( http://www.davidicke.com/ ). These guys are geniuses and they both invented success.
User Reviews
Submitted by purringbubbles (user info) at 2004-11-07 15:25:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
david icke is my hero
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-11-07 15:17:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shandy at 2004-11-06 07:11:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
damn you 10c, you've put my real name up online!
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-11-06 06:20:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shandy at 2004-11-06 05:57:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
i find this very disturbing as by merely adding three letters to david icke's name, and deleting one, you get my real name.
ps - i am no longer playing the ubersite ranking game, as it too is evil and naughty and bad and reptilian.
DAVIDICKE
add, H A D
DAVIDICKHEAD
- I
Dav Dickhead
Ho ho ho
Submitted by bart <bart.at.cilfone.com> at 2004-11-06 06:05:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
get off my website
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-11-06 05:59:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by shandy at 2004-11-06 05:57:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i find this very disturbing as by merely adding three letters to david icke's name, and deleting one, you get my real name.
ps - i am no longer playing the ubersite ranking game, as it too is evil and naughty and bad and reptilian.
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-11-06 05:49:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment