Know Your Enemy (965 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.2 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mike the Scottish (View user info) at 2004-11-06 19:50:43 EST
I like to think of myself as a nice guy. I've never been in a fight, and the last time somebody made a threatening move towards me, I ran into the kitchen and cried into my Bacardi Breezer. True story.
So anyway, having gone 18 of your Earth years without so much as the gentle caress of womankind to distract me (much to my dismay), I find myself in a little bit of a quandary, dear readers. I keep thinking that I should be doing something, fighting for something, somehow committing myself to a cause greater than me, greater than any half-arsed rhetoric or moral dilemma. It's like looking to invest everything I own, but finding the only options open to me is drunken abandon or focused commitment. It doesn't take Robert the Bruce to see that my particular web is somewhat distorted.
So, rather than pick a cause close to my heart, I obey the main tenets of Glaswegian masculinity- start fights with random people, for the brief fleeting feeling of being somehow different, somehow removed from my peers. End up frantically apologising, trying to minimise damage to both my reputation (such as it is) and my grammatical syntax. Slurring through nonsensical insults as I slip further and further into the whisky bottle. Picking up the pieces of my life and trying to form them into a cohesive whole, then giving up halfway through and gorging on crumpets instead.
I guess there's no point to this. I guess I'm just another face, another name, another wanker in a world full of wankers. But the truth is that I, just like most of us, crave acceptance. This place, this wet and colourless city, has drained me, leaving only a bitter shell, a collection of facades. So I apologise. At the end of the day, I'm just another confused English student, who cherishes his Starship Troopers poster as much as he cherishes his values and beliefs.
To apologise for the slightly pretentious and woe-is-me feel of this post, here's a photo of me, taken on St. George's day. If anyone wants a drink, i'm the lonely one in the corner, calling everyone a cunt.
User Reviews
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-03-21 07:36:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dammit, if I knew you had a kilt I would have insisted you wear it to Ubercon...
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2004-11-23 19:03:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*Auto +2 for being DREAMY!*
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-11-08 14:53:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Im wicked but the only time Im hot is when people set me on fire...for being wicked.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-11-08 11:45:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Scottish guys are wicked hot. I think it's the accent.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2004-11-08 03:51:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wowsers, verily thou art a melancholy Jock.
However, I would like to point out at this juncture that you don't have to go through life just being a wanker in a world full of wankers. With a bit of dedication and hard work you can become a complete wanker, like me.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-11-07 14:05:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Iago - Public schoolboy? Dmn, that's the funniest thing i've heard all day! I suppose a lot of people presume that somebody who's trying their best to look like a complete twat must be, but still... I went to a Winchester 6th form college, if that helps?
Method- Glad you find my taste in woman's attire appealing. Bart ain't got nothin' on me.
TTOM- You see, I have this teensy problem in that I can discuss relative objectivity in postmodern literature when drunk, but can't hold a pool cue for the life of me. As great as I undoubtably am, I can't do it all!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-11-07 13:15:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WHAT THE #@)_+$&*#_$*#@%+_* GHEY???
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-11-07 13:09:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You look like a Public School boy - especially w/ the rugby top and kilt.
Where did you go?
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-11-07 13:07:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Recently I took a piss whilst lisening to my mp3 player which was on random.
When I got the old chap (thankyou Withnail and I) out, the theme song from 'Rocky' came on.
Never have I felt more like a man.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2004-11-07 12:55:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to see you donning a micro skirt, and only then would i give you 1.
If i were ten years younger....<nudge-nudge-wink-wink>
;)
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-11-07 12:30:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Its funny but you look a lot taller in your picture.
grammatical syntax=automatic +2, I love big words me.
Mind you, I nearly -2'd you for youre lack of pool playing ability. heh heh heh
Submitted by CaptainAmik (user info) at 2004-11-07 09:03:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No...Really I was trying to be mean, it's just subtle, faint, restrained, choose your definition.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-11-07 08:55:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn, here was I wanting abuse for being an ugly dude who's wearing a skirt, and some of you people are being nice to me! Come on, go all out!
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-11-07 05:54:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Cute skirt...although one of your legs appears to be facing the wrong way. Next time, show more thigh.
Submitted by PWNstar (user info) at 2004-11-07 05:32:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
if you had a girl,who would wear the pants in the relationship? scots and their skirts...
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-11-07 03:50:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Knew I was dong something wrong, Amik...
Submitted by CaptainAmik (user info) at 2004-11-07 03:26:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
All this crumpet gorging is keeping women out of your bedroom...think about it.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-11-07 03:18:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahahaha. I love you guys.
You can do better than this- i'm giving you an easy target here!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-11-07 02:24:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
your epidermis showing
Submitted by Thadder (user info) at 2004-11-07 02:19:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."
- Tyler Durden (Fight Club)
I find this quite interesting.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-11-06 21:58:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2004-11-06 21:51:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just said "thee dif 3rd countries"
Fuck, the first time I caught I caught it wrong.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2004-11-06 21:49:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I just said 3 dif third countries.
Never leave home, whoever is reading this. Stay at home, you go abroad, and you end up a retard like me. Or like my heros scottish mikes countrymen, guys who have wives in multiple countries.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-11-06 21:49:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you rule.
I am not ghey.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-11-06 21:48:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the hideous piture is worth a pund of gold
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2004-11-06 21:45:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are the gayest scottsman I know. throw a headbutt to someone, or join an oilcompany and have three wives in thee dif 3rd countries.
other than that, if that is a real pic of you, good on you, I would hide that shit.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2004-11-06 21:41:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
great RATM song, shitty post.
Submitted by El_SAMO (user info) at 2004-11-06 21:38:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no one cares
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-11-06 19:52:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That's English as in the academic subject, not the nationality, by the way.