My First Business Trip (575 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: -0.82 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Drone of Industry <venetianeyelid.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-11-09 11:50:29 EST
Ridin on a 737 jet plane to Reno Nevada for my first business trip ever. Saw the flat midwest grass deteriorating into jagged desert. Of coarse, once we stepped into the Atlantis casino we were pressing our way thru a plastic oasis of rainforest motif... dressed in business casual. Everything is loud and in constant climax and the walls are made of mirrors to push that climax into infinite corridors. We had lunch at the oyster bar to start our casino safari. I got a big ol bowl of creamy oyster soup. When I got it I said, "Wo! This looks like a bowl full of gray vaginas." Nobody laughed. We watched a storm brew in the desert outside the huge plate glass windows. Lightning struck and planted a seed for disaster. As brush fire began its reign of terror on the mountainside. Pay no mind. We Traded life stories in the context of our career choices with BIG BOSS and BIG BIG BOSS. Thanks for the food. NOW! To Corporate Headquarters!!!
I. G. T. ! INTERNATIONAL GAMING TECHNOLOGIES! Really huge facility. the biggest distributor of slot machine games in the whole fucking world. A labrynth of cubicles. With each one I passed I couldn't help but glance into each cube to see a specimen hard at work... or on ebay buyin shit with their phat paychecks. Alot of people we met seemed drained of any passion for their work. I don't think anybody really plans to be in the slot machine industry, that's just where they end up and stay for 10 - 15 years. Shook a lot of hands and introduced myself to a lot of people who didn't give a rats ass. Neither did I. Every now and then there would be a really attractive woman thrown into the mix of all these dorky programmers that we'd meet. And all of our wit would stride forward. Animal instincts. My BIG BIG BOSS invited Miss Elizabeth to a Van Halen concert at his United Center box seat in Chicago later in the month. I felt the nervous tension from both of them, but my BIG BIG BOSS kept a stern bull face, and she couldn't refuse in front of all those people. time passing. Met with the SUPER BIG BOSS of IGT. Fast talker. He's got important things to do. He owns a hummer, a huge chevy sumthinoranother, and he's got a custom built 60s style batmobile. We were sent pictures of him and Christopher Lloyd (Back to the Future) in his Batmobile.
The demo slot games that my little company creates were picked apart by a team of experts. Critique was heartbreaking. While business was being executed, the 3 of us little artists stood to the side and followed our eyes to shiny objects in the room. pretty excruciating. IGT pitched some of their new game titles to us including Penny Palooza, Valentine's Pay, Thunder Bucks, Cashasaurus, Cashed Potatoes, Hotel Cash a' for ya, Wins of Change, Money Baked Ham, Wheel like a Pig.... Some of the ones we came up with were...Cashablanca and Big Cashticles. ridiculous. We were there til 7 pm and then we had to go to dinner with the SUPER BIG BOSS. ... at P F Changs.
P F Changs is to chinese what Olive Garden is to italian. It was ok though. got to talk to some artists there. The girls volleyball tournament was currently duking out its finals in Reno, so there was plenty of sporty spice to flavor the atmosphere. We read off our fortune cookies and planted "in bed" after each statement and giggled. "You will see an increase of luck with your personal affairs.... in bed." that's me. We wobbled back outside fat n gassy with MSG and the sky bellowed with smoke, and you could see the fires burning like MORDER in the mountain to the west. We went on with our business. We got back in the rental SUV and I sat bitch as we explored the gawdy downtown. I was half asleep and had long ago fizzled out with overstimulation. I just wanted to get back to the hotel for a little "me" time, which I mostly planned to spend either romancing with my hand or in a state of unconsciousness. Instead we went to the casino and were all given 50 dollars to spend on slots. ugh I've been lookin at dumb slots all day. But 50 dollars was gone in 10 minutes! Depressing. Old ladies with cigarettes puffin n slappin 3 machines at a time. Eyes glued to the credit meters. I realized that all of our artistic efforts were only secondary to the numbers on the screen. I sucked down a whiskey sour, ate the bright red cherry, and we made our way back to the hotel. After much room debate over the dolphin tower sweet, we were finally allowed to make our way up the elevators to our personal rooms. I took one look out the window and saw a construction site and a desert. whatever. bed.
I dreamt of ideas I was pitching to IGT. They were all very extraordinary. Trust me. The only ones I remember though was a slot about a cute bunny rabbit that had a mechanical weapon hand, but all he wanted to do was play the violin, but alas, could not hold the bow with his cyborg hand. sad. ...Another was about a very large pear shaped Charlie Brown that dangled dangerously just above an underpass, and as cars zoomed by there was a chance he would fall like a boulder onto your car. ...I was at a slot machine and it started buzzing over and over and over and I was trying frantically to turn it off. But it wouldn't stop! It just wouldn't fucking stop! I started pounding on it with my fists over and over and over. But my pounding did nothing! The machine just wouldn't stop! The machine! THE MACHINE!!!
I woke up flailing my arms to the hotel's beeping alarm clock. Took a shower with Milk and Honey soap with Kiwi seeds in it. Walked outside and the whole city was fogged with smoke. You could smell the smoke in the air. The fires just kept on burning. I heard that 800 acres had been or were still in the process of being devoured. We just kept on with business as usual. Breakfast, Paul Harvey on the radio, and then back to corporate headquarters. Small talk about a 3 day weekend with everyone we met. It's a hot topic in the office. I don't know. I don't remember really anything much happening after this point. Felt pretty down at seeing the whole corporate structure behind all of my artistic endevours at designing and animating slot machines. Consumed within the core. Talked with a lady while waitin for a plane. She was a teacher and said a lot of the gambled money goes to the government for schools, taxes, n whatnot. Which made me feel a bit better that it wasn't just going to some horribly obese fat cat. But that's a lie. It's a horrible industry and I DIDN'T feel better. I stretched out my legs at the emergency exit of the plane and dug through my bistro bag. I sank into my book of depressing existential short stories and our plane left Reno behind. and all the while...the fire kept on burning.
note: I do not symbolize Jesus Christ in this story, nor does the burning fire symbolize the decadence of corporate industry engulfing my soul. I am just John and that was just a really big brush fire.
THE END
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:20:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
know. business.
I can't believe I already rated this morass 3 months ago.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:19:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't knmow what "busines" you're in but I can safely eliminate "English Professor", you fucking non-paragraph using asshole.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-01-25 19:01:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Uber-people appreciate choppiness - otherwise words just blur together under their illiterate fucking glares. Stupid fucking pricks.
Submitted by ETS (user info) at 2004-11-10 18:30:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have another for balance. You guys should at least try to read this.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-11-10 18:29:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude I warned you about ubersite and paragraphs! The natives will chew you up and spit you out in spite of content.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-11-09 15:03:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-11-09 12:16:05 (#)
Ranking: -2
Hi my name is paragrah. Have we met?
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It's spelled paragraph, dickwad. But I agree, you need to learn about that shit.
Submitted by big_wigger (user info) at 2004-11-09 14:46:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-11-09 14:30:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Whatever "business" allows a dork like you to work in, I'm staying far away from their products and services.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2004-11-09 14:18:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I"M BLIND!!
AHHHHHHH!
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-11-09 13:04:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
THE GOGGLES, THEY DO NOTHING!
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-11-09 13:03:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck me, PARAGRAPHS ARE YOUR FRIEND.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2004-11-09 12:59:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-11-09 11:51:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
BBOT
Big Block O' Text
________________________
I'm not sure why, but I'm still laughing from this one. BBOT. What a silly.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-11-09 12:41:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Should have attended doomsday cult college instead
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-11-09 12:25:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/16146
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-11-09 12:17:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-11-09 12:04:45 (#)
Ranking: -2
Goddamn.
Space out your text. Make Paragraphs.
Also make complete sentences.
Few lines I managed to read were all short and clipped.
nothing flows.
Game over. Insert another quarter in your butt to play again.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-11-09 12:16:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hi my name is paragrah. Have we met?
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-11-09 12:04:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i'm kindof dizzy after reading this. kudos
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-11-09 12:04:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Goddamn.
Space out your text. Make Paragraphs.
Also make complete sentences.
Few lines I managed to read were all short and clipped.
nothing flows.
Game over. Insert another quarter in your butt to play again.
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-11-09 11:59:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
whew, TAB button, bud.
Good story though.
Very real life, but with some drama added.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-11-09 11:51:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BBOT
Big Block O' Text