I'm 34. You're 13. Let's Fuck. (10557 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.7 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chinaman (View user info) at 2004-11-10 13:53:30 EST
The following is based on the true story found in the following true story:(http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/10/12/letourneau.king).
I know, I know, this story's a million years old, quit yer yappin'.
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As the bell rings to signal the end of the schoolday, the students leave, although Vili is asked to stay behind. His friends promised him $50 to write a love poem to his English teacher and another $50 to follow through with it in person.
"Remember, Vil, you don't get the cash till we hear you get your ass handed to you. Or if she fucks you, hahahahaa"
"HAHAHA!!"
"HAHAHAHAHAA!!!"
"HAR HAR PEENER!!!"
"YEAH, and...and I'll throw in the $2000 from my dad hides under the mattress if she does you!! HAHAHAHAHA!!"
"HAHAHA!!!..."
Vili thus walked to his teacher's desk...
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"Hi, Mrs. LeTourneau. You wanted to see me?"
"Yes, Vili, I noticed you put in some extra work on your homework."
"Well, that's a good thing, right?"
"Yes...but when I asked for a poem about something you love, I was expecting crappy clichéd couplets like the rest of the class handed in. You created a flawless Shakespearean sonnet. You even nailed the iambic pantameter."
"Well, yeah. It took a long time, but it was easy to keep going by just thinking of the subject matter."
"Yes, Vili, that was the other thing. I...well, quite frankly, I can't help thinking that I am the subject of this poem."
"What makes you say that?"
"Umm...take the ending couplet for instance: 'I love my teacher's ass and face, I'd love to see her dressed in lace.'"
"Well, I could've just been using 'teacher' as a metaphor. In a way, everyone's a teacher. Like that girl next door--she taught me what a vagina smells like. And what a blowjob feels like."
"Okay, but what about this one: 'I don't want her to teach me math, I don't want her to grade my test; I want to soap her in her bath, I want to grope and suck her breast'"
"Okay, okay, look...I really find you attractive and even though I'm only 13, I think it's possible for us to maintain a mutual relationship."
"Why, Vili, I don't know what to say..."
"I know I'm a lot younger, but I just can't hold back my feelings any longer. I've felt this way for a long time--the whole 6 weeks of this school year. "
"You know I can't possibly breach that line of respect and authority between a teacher and student."
"I knew you'd say that...but when I look in your eyes, I know you feel differently than what you say out loud."
"...Vili..."
"Yes?"
"You're in so much trouble...."
"Ah, shit...okay, okay I'm sorry, my friends put me up--"
"Come over here so I can spank you."
"And they promis--what?"
"Come over here, pull down your pants, and bend over so I can spank you."
"Uhh...o-okay?"
"Yeah, that's it...your tighty-whities too, drop'em...mmm, you're not so young in that department, are you?"
"Mrs. LeTourneau, really, my friends--"
"Your friends aren't nearly as sexy as you! Oh, I was hoping you would catch my signs!"
"Your signs?"
"Yes. Didn't you wonder why I gave you %110 on that Huckleberry Finn exam?"
"I thought it was 'cuz I masterfully discussed why Finn is more of an adult-oriented book than Tom Sawyer."
"No, silly, I didn't even read it! But I did roll it up to masturbate with!"
"Fuck! I thought I dropped it smelled 'cuz I dropped it in that pile of gingko berries!"
"Enough small talk. Have you ever had your salad tossed?"
"My salad tossed? I don't think--whoaooaaa, nelly, oh boy, oh boy, oohh boy...!"
"Am I making you hard? Do you want me to suck on your hard student cock?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"::glub::::slurp,gurgle,glubglub:::nghnghnghgnghg::"
"Whoa."
"Okay, that's enough! Put your 8 inches in me!"
"Uh.."
"NOW!"
"Okay!"
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After 20 minutes, Vili came out of the classroom glowing with an ear-to-ear smile. His friends, who had been listening with their ears pressed to the door the whole time, looked at him with a reverence usually reserved for porn. Well, their moms' Victoria's Secret catalogs in their cases.
"Dude...how was it?"
"Umm, well...pretty good."
"Pretty good? Pretty good!?!? That's all you have to say? Dude, you fucked our teacher!"
"I know. But something happened to me when my cockhead hit her cervix. I got a sense that it wasn't just 'fucking'. We made love. Monkey love. As a matter of fact, I'm in love."
"Okay man, you're really starting to freak us out..."
"I don't care what you guys think! I don't care what anyone thinks!! I love Mrs. LeTourneau. I'm going to make love to her again. And again. "
"Uhh, dude, just take your $100 and cut it out okay?"
"NO! It's not okay! I believe one of you said something about $2000. It's time to pay up, because I have to go buy a ring for this beautiful woman!"
"Vili! What the fuck!?"
"And as you assholes as my witnesses, I'm going to marry her and she will have my children!!!"
"That's it, we're out of here!"
"Run if you will, boys, but I know my purpose! I will proclaim my love to the WORLD!! She will be Mrs. Fualaau!! HA HA HA HAAA!!!! Yo Ted, seriously, I'm gonna need that 2 thousand bucks."
User Reviews
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2006-01-06 13:25:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Old and busted
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2006-01-06 13:05:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember that. I'm pretty much in the same boat as most males i.e. where was that teacher when I was in school?!?!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-07-18 23:37:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now I have to hear THAT story, williamson...
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Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-12 07:05:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
As a kid who always fantasised over his Japanese teachers I'm jealous of that little guy. Still, i feel glad to be part of the small demographic that got to play around with his high school teacher even though i was years older than this little champ.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-07-18 23:36:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
tnemmoC oN
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-18 23:04:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
woo linkwhoring
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-24 12:35:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
never happened at my school
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-12 07:05:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As a kid who always fantasised over his Japanese teachers I'm jealous of that little guy. Still, i feel glad to be part of the small demographic that got to play around with his high school teacher even though i was years older than this little champ.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-12 06:50:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JenBee (user info) at 2004-11-10 14:39:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
I know. But something happened to me when my cockhead hit her cervix. I got a sense that it wasn't just 'fucking'. We made love. Monkey love. As a matter of fact, I'm in love."
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Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-12 06:33:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You created a flawless Shakespearean sonnet. You even nailed the iambic pantameter.
I love my teacher's ass and face, I'd love to see her dressed in lace.
============================================
No wonder she did him, shes all retarded not knowing what Iambic Pentameter was.
Submitted by Herman (user info) at 2005-04-11 16:59:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha too funny
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-04-11 12:40:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Monkey Love!!!
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-04-11 12:14:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-12-03 11:11:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Submitted by Jayyz (user info) at 2004-11-12 23:40:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I always wondered how it happened. Nice job.
Submitted by vajokki (user info) at 2004-11-11 18:19:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"You even nailed the iambic pantameter"
This post is idolistic.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2004-11-11 18:08:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
best. post. TODAY.
Submitted by pokeysrevenge (user info) at 2004-11-11 17:53:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hell yeah.
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-11-11 17:40:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-11-11 08:04:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT!!! In my comment below, that first "to" is obviously a "two". My grammar has decided to leave me temporarily.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-11-11 04:57:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-11-11 04:48:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck yes.
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-11-11 00:03:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-11-10 19:27:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Goddammit, reading this over I found to glaring typographical errors. Typos, if you will. Here they are, in case you were wondering if I meant to write it that way or if you wanted to point them out:
1. The following is based on the true story found in the following true story
2. "Fuck! I thought I dropped it smelled 'cuz I dropped it in that pile of gingko berries!"
I was not on top of my game in that respect.
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2004-11-10 19:15:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by Jabba_the_Shit (user info) at 2004-11-10 16:33:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait, it's illegal to screw a minor?
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2004-11-10 15:44:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Platinum.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-11-10 15:28:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I believe I saw this transcript on 60 Minutes.
Submitted by cheruboo (user info) at 2004-11-10 15:28:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fish3000 (user info) at 2004-11-10 15:27:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...funny shit!
Submitted by Fish3000 (user info) at 2004-11-10 15:23:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this, but that's the best title I've ever heard. Now I'll read it...
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-11-10 14:58:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This post is based on the then-34-year-old Mary Kay LeTourneau and her then-13-year-old student Vili Fualaau. I actually haven't read up on the new story. Although I really wish I were that 8-year-old. It's wrong, to be sure...but if the kid was able to maintain an erection, chances are it wasn't totally against his will. Well, his physical will, in any case.
A lot different mentality than with girls, isn't it?....if I heard of my 8-year-old niece being violated by a teacher I'd leave it to my Louisville Slugger to determine his fate.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-11-10 14:58:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-11-10 14:09:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
So get this..A woman in CT just got cuffed and stuffed and sent to the clink
for having sex with an 8 year old. That is just wrong in so many ways.
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yeah i heard about that too!
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2004-11-10 14:47:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Chronicles_of_College_Guy (user info) at 2004-11-10 14:12:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, that story was just on the news. That 29-year-old lady had an 8-year-old boyfriend. I wish I was that kid.
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As long as she was hot. I hope that that teacher wasn't some ugly hag. I wonder what the parents are saying.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-11-10 14:43:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF?
You are 34?
You look good on it.
Made me laugh in numerous places.
-Davros
Submitted by ardubs (user info) at 2004-11-10 14:43:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-11-10 14:40:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
T-T-teacher stop that screamin'
Teacher don't you see?
Don't wanna be no uptown fool
Maybe I should go to hell
But I am doing well
Teacher needs to see me after school
I think of all the education that I've missed
But then my homework was never quite like this!
Ow! Got it bad,
Got it bad,
Got it bad,
I'm hot for teacher!
I've got it bad, so bad
I'm hot for teacher!
Submitted by JenBee (user info) at 2004-11-10 14:39:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know. But something happened to me when my cockhead hit her cervix. I got a sense that it wasn't just 'fucking'. We made love. Monkey love. As a matter of fact, I'm in love."
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2004-11-10 14:30:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Jim Rome already did this story about 40 times....
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-11-10 14:19:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha. The sonnet was awesome.
Submitted by Chronicles_of_College_Guy (user info) at 2004-11-10 14:12:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, that story was just on the news. That 29-year-old lady had an 8-year-old boyfriend. I wish I was that kid.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-11-10 14:09:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So get this..A woman in CT just got cuffed and stuffed and sent to the clink
for having sex with an 8 year old. That is just wrong in so many ways.
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-11-10 14:05:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Perfect!
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-11-10 14:01:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You truly are the master of eloquent filth.