11.11.04 - 11:11 am (864 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.71 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by harmlessness (View user info) at 2004-11-11 11:11:18 EST
11.11.04 - 11:11 am
It's officially the eleventh minute of the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month. Hell, if I play my cards right, it may even be the eleventh second of the eleventh minute of the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month.
What should I post about? Should I write a shitty rant about my life like I've been trying to do for the past month? Should I write a comedy post? Should I write a fictional story? Should I make another god-forsaken political rant? Or should I do a movie/music review?
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The small town of Uber was, and had always been, a quiet little town. It consisted of artists, writers, and critics. Such was life, and it was good.
---
The first story was told on November 30th, 1999 at 1:49 AM, by the only inhabitant of the town. For days and days, he told different stories, but they were only heard by Mayor Bartbart and his friends. The town of Uber had a long way to go before it would become as populated as it is today.
One day, a lone traveler was seen in the distance by Mayor Bartbart. He was stumbling through the hot, dry desert which surrounded the town, obviously dangerously dehydrated and starving. Mayor Bartbart rushed to his aid, carrying a jug of water, a loaf of bread, and a mindful of stories.
In time, more people wandered into the town, each welcomed by a group of one more than the previous wanderer was welcomed by. Eventually, there were just over 100 people, and the town was still far from thriving. Stories were told as they came, but there were no artists or critics yet.
Over two years later, on June 20th, 2002 at 11:45 AM, the 110 inhabitants of Uber were going about their business, and a very powerful wizard made his way into the town.
"People of uber, I am the great Razor! If you speak ill of me, I'll shock you with my tazer! My wife will come soon, and the town will be awed! Her beauty is awesome, her intelligence, unflawed! And so I leave you with my decree: I'll enjoy my stay, so take it easy!"
And so it was.
Every few days, a few more people would join the city. Two months short of five days later, a beautiful sorceress appeared in the town with a flash and a puff of smoke. She did not speak.
She remained quiet, and it perplexed the townsmen. Why had this woman been so reluctant to speak? Was she mute?
She slept in her hut every night. On the first night of storytelling since she'd arrived, she humbly sat on a log all by herself. When the story was finished, and the townspeople finished speaking amongst themselves of it, just as everyone was preparing to head home, the sorceress cleared her throat.
"No comment"
The people were amazed! The woman was not mute! She had not much to say, but her presence was adored.
One morning, Mayor Bartbart wanted to see the sorceress.
"Sorceress, please come to me!"
He called again and again for her, but to no avail. He gathered his guards and went to her hut. When he knocked, Razor answered.
"What is this, Razor, why are you here?"
Razor smiled but kept his mouth shut. He invited the mayor inside, closing the door behind him.
"This is my wife," he said, "She is my firefly."
"So what is her name?"
"Just call her Firefly."
And so it was.
---
The city grew larger. Soon, a goofy storyteller from New York made his way into town. He was liked from the start. His stories were hilarious! He told tales of the wackiest women he'd been with, and people loved them. People loved him.
And so it was.
---
Soon, the stories were told nightly, and on most nights a multitude of stories would be told! The town was beginning to thrive!
---
Over time, several thousand people came to the site.
One night, a young prince from California spoke up.
"People of Uber, last night I traded music with people from another town! I told them the movies were of bestiality, of strange birds releasing fecal matter! I told them the movies were angry humanoids working in a nipple factory! And they wanted to see! What disgusting people there are in other cities! Happy, happy, happy!"
The story was told over and over, several thousand times each night. People from other towns came to hear the story, and soon it was told far more times than any other story.
---
Then the invaders came. Hordes and hordes of them ran through the town, smearing excrement on everyone's huts, throwing feces at and urinating on people every night at story telling. But still, the town was thriving It was incredible. Stories were everywhere, and artists had shown themselves. Everyone became a critic, but not everyone made it to each story telling night. The census showed that there were over 7,000 people in Uber, but it was well known that many had vacated their huts and left for another town.
---
On April 10th, 2004 at 2:25 AM, a handsome young warrior entered the town. He was classy and smart, but his stories weren't accepted by most. He was, at first, considered to be a shit user. Each night, he told a new story, and once in a while his stories were loved. He had to contest with the bigots. He felt that he was a good storyteller, and that he had plenty of stories to tell. He made friends with several dozen people, but made enemies with several hundred others.
That person was me.
I have graced this site with loads of words. I've showed people that I'm not a fluke, that I can write good posts. I've also showed everyone that I'm not able to constantly put out good posts.
---
What can I say? It's 11:10, and I need to wrap this up.
There will be another version of this post put up later on, it will possibly even be made into a series, because I've left out tons and tons of excellent users.
User Reviews
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-11-13 14:58:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
By tons and tons of excellent users, you'd better be referring to me.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-11-11 19:12:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YAY!
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-11-11 18:32:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So close, and yet so far. (11:11:18)
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-11-11 15:42:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually, at 11:11 am, you're supposed to think of the Veterans - they also do this in England, but it's called Rememberance Day.
Submitted by beancat (user info) at 2004-11-11 15:32:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Smart-Ass Kids!! : )
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-11-11 15:29:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's a nice picture.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-11-11 14:48:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
He's half blaxican.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-11-11 14:40:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Mayor Bartbart's full name is Cilfon E. Bartbart.
Submitted by beancat (user info) at 2004-11-11 14:37:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Then who is Mayor Bartbart, StonedSillyChild?
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-11-11 14:18:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There is no mention of bart in this post, silly child!
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-11-11 13:55:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bart who ?
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-11-11 12:51:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ironically, when I read the part about being a prince, I ripped a huge ass fart.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-11-11 12:24:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this reminds me of my farewell to uber post:
Will Zone and Cowboys and Sunsets and Good-byes and Will Zone
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44955
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-11-11 12:10:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2004-11-11 11:50:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good, but you forgot to mention me.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-11-11 11:43:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
( :
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-11-11 11:40:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I saw that, but oh well..
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-11-11 11:35:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you had a pattern going until wazzawazzayo showed up. 2, 1, 2, 1, 2, 1.....
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-11-11 11:25:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ubersite is great when it doesn't suck.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-11-11 11:24:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Over two years later, on June 20th, 2002 at 11:45 AM,
That's my birthday.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-11-11 11:23:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Great stuff, though I was disappointed a bit by the ending.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2004-11-11 11:22:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by harmlessness (View user info) at 2004-11-11 11:11:18
Damn. You missed it by seven seconds.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-11-11 11:19:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'd give this a +2, but that would ruin your whole multiple 1 theme. So +1 it is.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-11-11 11:19:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for your kind words. Everyone together makes Ubersite a place worth coming back to.
That picture is sort of what Uber looked like when I first trudged over here.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-11-11 11:17:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
ooooooooo uber fan fiction! wait, its an allegory? a fable? well, i had the same 11:11:11:11:11 idea
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-11-11 11:14:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha 7 seconds out. I didnt read this though