the cute fucking bastard kitten (846 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.77 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Merlina (View user info) at 2004-11-12 06:16:18 EST
I had the night from HELL. Am 2 hours late into work and look awful.
You see, I moved house last week. Lovely cottage, right beside the woods it is. I also bought a little black kitten, to keep me company as I was moving into a place on my own. I looked after the adorable ball of fluff all weekend and yesterday was the first day I left him alone in the apartment. So, trying to be cute I left him a ball of wool to play with and left out food/water/litter tray etc. and went on my merry way to work.
I get home after work last night and find that the ball of wool is no longer 'a ball' and is strewn all over the apartment via the tv, across to the coffee table knocked everything off it (how did he DO that?), also he managed to up-end the USED litter tray and cat litter was EVERYWHERE. He had also knocked a vase of flowers (with water) from the window ledge onto my bed all over the pillow.
Sighing, I went upstairs to get the vacuum to start cleaning and while upstairs I noticed some bulbs. Ahh I thought - they'd be good for the wall lights in the lounge (remember I had just moved in). So I brought them downstairs and it was at the split second that I had the end of the bulb into the socket that I saw that it was of the 'screw-in' variety, not correct... brain didn't connect in time and BANG. The lights all went out. Okay, I can do this without an electrician (or a man) so I grab a stool (damn wobbly one too) and a candle and opened the fuse box. Ahhhh of course, its a cottage. Not a flicky switch thingy NO!!, fuse WIRE no less. Now as it happens I actually had some fuse wire and managed to fix this (with lots of shit, bugger, bastard get IN you dumbass...)and the lights came back on. I decide to give up and go to bed. I crawl into the warmth (away from the wet pillow) and slide my feet down into the warm...oh that IS warm... and HEY!! the kitten has managed to relieve his bladder UNDER the covers. Terfuckingriffic. I crawl out of bed dragging the bedding with me to the washing machine and am putting it in and BLINK... the lights go out. There was actually a POWER CUT in my street!! NOOOOOO FUCK BUGGER BASTARD STUPID ARRRRSE!!! As I scream and rant and act the madwoman the kitten - now terrifed, promptly poo's himself on the living room floor.
I eventually slept on the floor in the living room under the dry cat blanket... with no lights, no heating and no sanity.
User Reviews
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-03-04 01:42:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this forever ago, don't know why I didn't rate it.
Submitted by Silk (user info) at 2005-03-05 23:02:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good.
Just write.
Someone else can clean it up for you later IF the mother fucker wants to PAY for the story.
(Much better than your depressing shit.)
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-11-25 05:16:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This kicks ass.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2004-11-15 10:02:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
sorry Zandy, am a teeny bit of a technophobe and although I have a rather cool Canon EOS (huge camera)- I am not a fan of digital so cannot attach a pic of the lovely ball of fluff. Talking about the technophic thing, I learnt how to use a microwave the other day.. kept pressing play and the door was opening?!
Submitted by Zandy1123 (user info) at 2004-11-12 13:53:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
post a picture of your pussy...err...I mean...your kitten.
I should post a picture of mine. He's cross-eyed. It's so funny...he looks completely retarded. Especially when you play with him and he gets all riled up - his eyes get even further crossed.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2004-11-12 11:14:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ahh nice... *blush*
Submitted by tidalfae (user info) at 2004-11-12 11:14:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
because kittens rock.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-11-12 11:07:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i like irish people. and the way they talk. and fuck.
Submitted by Zandy1123 (user info) at 2004-11-12 09:38:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehe...I feel for ya.
kittens can be a handful
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2004-11-12 09:35:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Put the cat on a leash.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-11-12 09:11:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well thank you very much then!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2004-11-12 08:59:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
nope, not at all. very cute indeed
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-11-12 08:54:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks, unless of course you are taking the piss!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2004-11-12 08:48:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Irish actually apollo. by the way - nice photo on your last but one.
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-11-12 08:47:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ah the joys of a kitten. I know it well
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-11-12 08:46:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-11-12 08:27:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
"Lovely cottage, right beside the woods it is."
Are you Yoda? """
Either that or welsh.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2004-11-12 08:35:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
nice one, that made me laugh..(that did)
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-11-12 08:27:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Lovely cottage, right beside the woods it is."
Are you Yoda?
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2004-11-12 08:19:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Glad to say the day has improved. And I just got an email from a crowd of friends saying lets meet for beer in..........4 hours time. Will get much better I think. But I have to go home eventually to the beast. He is cute though.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2004-11-12 08:14:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Now that's one shitty day
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2004-11-12 07:47:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Can you say taxidermist?
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2004-11-12 07:29:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
called him Pooper
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2004-11-12 07:23:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Whats the kittens name?
I'd call it Weetabix.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-11-12 07:15:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-11-12 06:19:46 (#)
Ranking: -1
This was a literary disaster. I honestly tried to read it, but couldn't be bothered.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-11-12 07:13:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
shit like that gets kittens punted.
could have used 5 more minutes in the proof-reading department, bujt certainly not terrible.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2004-11-12 06:50:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks apollo, comments noted..
no kidding about the fuse wire, I don't even know why I had fuse wire in the first place.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-11-12 06:47:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Space it out a little and avoid the emphasis by capitalisation.
Fuse wire is a bitch though isn't it?
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-11-12 06:47:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
if you hadn't mentioned the kitten, this would of been (-2). but you did mention a kitten. and i f'ing love kittens. so there.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2004-11-12 06:37:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
mwah ha haha... GOOD POINT
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-11-12 06:35:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this WAS quite DIFFICULT to READ (Im NOT sure WHY though!!??)
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2004-11-12 06:32:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I mean 'story' jeez. I'll just shut up now
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2004-11-12 06:31:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
sorry - not in the best mood and typed as it as it happened. As a sorty probably not brilliant. Just factually true. Thanks though appreciate the constructive critism.
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-11-12 06:22:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
What the shit is this supposed to be?
Oh.. literate? Try again.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-11-12 06:19:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
This was a literary disaster. I honestly tried to read it, but couldn't be bothered.