Ubersite (or why I got fired) (754 hits)
Category: Computers & InternetRating: 1.58 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Amusingly_shaped_semen_stain (View user info) at 2004-11-12 10:50:24 EST
Today is my last day of work. Some might say that the period just before Christmas is a silly time to stop working, with all those inevitable expenses looming, and I would agree.
The truth is Ubersite, I got sacked.
Allow me to explain.
Im an office monkey. For the past year I have walked in to work daily. I have done the same thing every day - copied numbers from a sheet of paper on to an outdated operating system. I am one of two male employees here. The rest of the workforce is composed of middle-aged menopausal women who spend the entire day talking about sex , progressively working themselves in to a cackling, gibbering, mildly threatening sexual frenzy. As a 23 year old male, I consider it wise to keep my head down when the cackling laughter reaches a crescendo that would rival any witches coven.
When I want to be, I am an efficient and diligent worker. However, my employers made one fatal mistake.
They gave me internet access. The fools!
Hahahahaha! I spend pretty much every working minute looking at the internet. Maddox, B&W, Cult of the Dead Cow, Pulsehead, Infiltration.org, Rotten.com, and above all Ubersite, enjoyed many hours of my humble patronage as well as many others. You may be asking yourselves how I got away with it. My salvation was a guy who sat near me, named Andy.
Andy was a true computer geek. No, he didn't devise some cunning means of disguising the internet display, before you ask. The fact is that if you would describe my use of the internet as abusive, then you would consider his to be genocidal in the Pol Pot sense. He was a major RPG fan and spent every night sitting up till 4am playing Everquest (he always referred to it as EQ, in a voice that seemed calculated to sound cool), which would result in him being late in to work. Every. Single. Day.
He would shuffle in to work, mumbling apologies for being late and slump in to his chair. He'd then get a cup of coffee and from that moment on he would be surfing the net. He usually went on RPG forums, passing the hours chatting with his clan mates on IRC or flaming rival clan forums, although there's a story that another employee saw him looking porn with the heads replaced by characters from Star Trek: TNG. Jean Luc Picard and Deanna Troi, to be precise.
All of which suited me fine, because while the managers had their eyes on him, I could do the same thing unobserved. Without the Star Trek porn of course.
Eventually, Andy was given his weeks notice, but was escorted from the premises a couple of days later when a manager that knew fuck all about computers decided that Andy was a security risk because he was smart enough to know how to put a virus on the system as revenge.
Andys departure was a bad day for me. The managers tightened up their internet policy. Eyes were watching me now. Did I stop coming to Ubersite? Hell no! I cant function without ubersite. I need it. I hate my job too much to live without it!
A week after Andy left, I came in to work one morning to find my internet connection had been cut off. A wave of panic passed through me and my mind was thinking 'No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!' I called a friend in IT who informed me Id been cut off on request from the office manager. No return. Fuck.
Turns out that one of the managers had checked my history file. He is Jewish. The page he randomly opened was a very funny post by Jewtoast. That's right, Jewtoast. I was in trouble. Did I stop coming to ubersite? Hell no! I logged on as someone who had recently left, I knew her password and I knew she had internet access. Smart, huh?
I guess not. I came in to work on Monday morning to find a very politely worded letter on my desk, informing me that my services were no longer required and that I had a weeks notice. Abuse of the internet.
This week I have still been surfing the internet. For some reason they haven't cut off my illicit internet access, I don't think they know how I've got back on. Ubersite is now fully on my screen and I'm making no attempt to hide it.
What can they do? Fire me?
User Reviews
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-30 04:45:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So how'd everything work out for you?
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-11-12 14:34:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
States treat employment laws differently. In California it's a right to work state which means they can sack you for anything. California is also the law suit capitol of the world which means they tend not to sack you until your personnel file is full of things to help them in court because everyone cries racism, sexism etc. when they get fired.
As far as losing your job who cares. It doesn't sound like a career opportunity to me and if you're going to be spending 8 or more hours a day at a desk, it might as well be doing something that pays.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-11-12 13:56:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-11-12 11:45:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
You didn't clear your history and cookies? What the hell is the matter with you?
===
Even that won't save if you're working for a company with a decent IT department. I sit at my desk reading reports on the management's internet activity, cackling maniacally.
And then I email them round to their staff.
It's a hobby.
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-11-12 13:39:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sounds like a shitty job anyway. Sorry you got fired.
Next step: find a job with a cubicle. All jobs are boring, and if you hide your screen nobody knows the difference.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-11-12 13:30:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That sucks... I must say that it kicks all kinds of unholy ass to have a private office. MWUAHAHAHA!
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2004-11-12 13:14:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I get peeked at from around the corner. I'm the young guy and everyone wants to give me shit. Good thing they spend their time trying to catch me fucking off instead of doing their own work. I hate people, especially the old ones.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-11-12 12:41:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's rough. I've recently gotten into trouble looking at uber. My boss asked me two days ago what exactly i'm clicking out of when he walks in. I tell him i'm sleeping with his daughter and no more is said.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-11-12 12:39:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Where I work, I AM the IT department, so I just slap myself on the wrist. Then I slap a little harder. Then I work in some spanking. And dirty talk. "OOoh, You like that don't you, you little cunt?"
<Masturbating furiously>
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-11-12 12:39:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great read...
From your comment in my post let me quickly give you a little history:
Fetish poorly rates many of my posts in a row gaining attention to himself (because they weren't in line with the rest of the ratings). So I checked out his material: HE is a moron and his posts suck ass. I still rated fairly. Suddenly IHAKF has -2 spammed several of my posts. So I respond in kind. Now I'm on his shitlist forever. Alot of people think he does it to get attention and hits, but this isn't true. He really has problems in his personality.
My view towards the whole ordeal is that I have this retarded kid following me around I want gone so I hit him with a stick. He keeps coming, so I break out a baseball bat and hit him with it (http://ubersite.com/m/51113) and he is still there. He just won't go away. I've tried ignoring him, but he is there. He -2's my posts, I could care less because I expect it from him. He can't let go. He has to stalk me and my posts. He bitches about me in other unrelated posts (trying to maybe "get a bad name" for me I don't know what his goal is.) Then he goes ahead and posts under my name a fake post tricking people into believing it is me. You know, the guy just can't let go.
I don't worry about it really, but I let him build up his bullshit to where I have to unleash an attack just to respond to the bastard. He has issues with his personality that just can't let go. Watch and see.
From RIGHT NOW I will ignore that jackass. Let's see how long he goes mentioning me, OK? How long he -2's my posts... I will say nothing. I'll just stop talking about him, rating anything he does, responding to any of his posts (unless he makes one up about me then I will 0 it and say "This isn't me.") And that is the only comment I will make. Then you can see who is the stalker, OK?
Eric Rice is a fucknut and he's mad because of this:
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=eric+rice+is+a+child+molester
But he brought it upon himself.
I'm done with my attacks, because it is just like that: a full grown adult with intelligence striking a retarded child that doesn't know when to stop even though he is losing horribly.
Thank you for making me think of this way to ignore him. I will simply let him hang himself on his stalker-like attributes.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-11-12 12:34:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My boss has spoken to me about it before. But i don't have a computer at home.
So if i can't look at it here i would never be able to uber?
i'd rather they kill me first!
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-11-12 11:45:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You didn't clear your history and cookies? What the hell is the matter with you?
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-11-12 11:41:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2's for anyone who gets sacked because of Ubersite. I worry about that constantly....
I have the gall to use works printer to print my posts to show my girlfriend when I get home too. I take my name off the top first luckily bcause my posts have been intercepted once- before I got to the printer.
No one knows if it was me for definite but I think they're suspicious.
Fight the power brother.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-11-12 11:25:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ubersite may not have had a hand in firing me, but it certainly helped me out a lot in those listless months leading to my eventual lay-off. Stupid corporate.
Submitted by Amusingly_shaped_semen_stain (user info) at 2004-11-12 11:00:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"your not even a little pissed off? "
Not at all. I seriously hate this job. Ive got some money saved and I was thinking of going to Goa for a couple of months, so I might do it now :)
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-11-12 10:58:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Refuse to give a reference.
Submitted by Sofa_Ace (user info) at 2004-11-12 10:58:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, that jean luc picard and deanna troi porn was so hot.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2004-11-12 10:58:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's dedication.
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-11-12 10:58:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
good for you
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-11-12 10:57:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
don't mean to rub salt in wounds, but i start my new job on dec 6th.
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-11-12 10:57:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol i love the way you have posted this on ubersite
your not even a little pissed off?