MMOers guide to getting laid. (4453 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.74 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by reallybored (View user info) at 2004-11-15 14:04:07 EST
[WARNING: This is some real geeky shit. If you don't know what a MMO is, you probably will not enjoy this post. If so, scroll to picture laugh and then exit. Thank you.]
A little geek humor for Monday, written from a guy's perspective. Sorry ladies.
If there is any sort of stereotype that truly follows MMOGers around, it's the lack of social action. Most non-MMOGERs look upon the MMO community as a bunch of 36 year old fat white male nerds who sit in their parent's basement staying up all night to the glow of the computer screen, only coming into the world of natural sunlight when they have to pick up a new game. Of course this is wrong as MMOGers are as diverse as any other group.
However there is something that people don't realize. Those MMOs can actually help people in their social activities. The act of going to a bar and trying to pick up women is actually a MMO at its roots, with rules and a system setup similarly.
In attempt to better the lives of my fellow MMOers, I have written a small guide to help you use your natural talents for the betterment of mankind. (IE to get yourself laid)
A MMOers Guide to Getting Some:
One of the most important things in the Game of Real Life (GRL) is that a group always has better success then a soloer. While it is true that some very skilled chars might be able to a solo a high level MOB (Money Obsessed Bitch) right off the bat, most noobs should start off in a group.
The foundation to any solid group lies within the Trinity:
TANK: His job is to keep the MOBs attention directed on him, so that the other chars can perform without fear. A tank needs to be funny and clever, with a hint of arrogance and assholeism. The MOBs need to feel a mixture of hatred and interest so they stay glued to him. The Tank needs a lot of HPs (internal fortitude) so that he can withstand the constant bitching and general hatred for the party.
MAGE: The Mage's main job is to lower the MOBs HPs until the point where the party can loot. Mages have a wide arsenal of attacks to destroy their enemies, specifically DDs (Beer Funnel), AOEs (A round of tequila shots), PBAOE(Body Shots) and DOTs (Keg Stands). Mages should also some limited form of crowd control like snares (Stealing Car Keys) and sleeps (Discussing the virtues of Duran Duran).
HEALER: Healers have arguably one of the least rewarding jobs. Basically they need to watch the other party members and heal when necessary. Many times the mage will take too much agro ("Stop stealing my shots you slut!") and the healer needs to step in to save the day ("Don't mind him, he's just drunk. Say those are some nice shoes!").
Remember, you have to crawl before you walk. Jumping right into mid to high level zones (Trendy City Bars, Model Parties) is likely to cause full party wipes or even PKen from other high level chars. My advice is to fully utilize the noob zones (High School Events, College frat parties) until level 21. Yeah those areas have crappy loot (fugly sorority girl who met and exceeded the freshmen 15) but at least you'll get some xp and be on your way to bigger and brighter areas.
TIPS: Optimal party size is around 4 to 5 members. Too many people and the loot distribution will be horrible, or worse the MOBs will run before you even get into agro range.
Gear can really make or break a group. Some good items to have are +dmg weapons (Extra Big Shot Glasses), +stamina trinkets (ATM card), and lastly some +resistance armor (Hollister Shirt). While some of these items may look stupid on your char, remember that function is more important than style.
Looting should be done on a need before greed basis. Guys who can't use certain items (Don't like BJs) should not take a roll on them, and should pass it on to fellow group members.
Well I hope this little guide will start you off in this great MMO we call Life. With time and patience you too can be a high level char, respected by the community. Good Luck, and God bless. GG! Kthxbye!
User Reviews
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2005-07-15 14:21:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my website is www.omgwtfgg.com
I feel so ghey now,
Submitted by podium (user info) at 2005-03-22 17:05:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-11-15 20:03:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-11-15 19:45:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's like.. EverQuest.. on uber.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-11-15 18:52:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This was well written, but I can't +2 because I have no idea what the hell MMO means.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-11-15 17:44:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have the disease where you think it's cool to dress up like things from fantasy and sci fi. It has to be in your head, because I know that it's retarded but it just feels so...cool. Even though it's not. I've had to deal with it my whole life. There should be support groups for people like me: Normal people who don't want to be freaks.
Submitted by CoreaPeekay (user info) at 2004-11-15 17:35:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
kicked my ass
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-11-15 17:25:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1337!
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-11-15 17:04:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I pull out my +10 wand of eroticism...
Submitted by GlitchCowman (user info) at 2004-11-15 16:30:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Obligatory +2 because I DON'T know what the hell you're talking about.
Rb, you're crazy.
- OLAS
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-11-15 16:03:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm obligated to +2 you because I actually knew what the hell you were talking about.
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2004-11-15 15:45:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tim, you really need to have some experience actually playing Everquest under your belt to appreciate this. It's like watching Spaceballs without having seen Star Wars, Men in Tights without having seen Errol Flynn's Robin Hood and Price of Thieves, or reading National Lampoon's DOON without reading Dune first. You're just not going to get much out of it.
Stay orange.
--JW
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-11-15 15:16:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If you don't know what a MMO is, you probably will not enjoy this.
acronymfinder.com: take a guess what the y're talking about:
Acronym Definition
MMO Main Mechanical Outfitting
MMO Maintenance Management Officer
MMO Maintenance Manual Organization Level (TMINS)
MMO Man-Made Object
MMO Massively Multiplayer Online (gaming)
MMO Materials and Manufacturing Ontario
MMO Mercury Magnetospheric Orbiter
MMO MIPR Management Office
MMO Mixed Mode Optimal (voting algorithm)
MMO Mobility Movement Order
MMO Modifications, Maintenance and Operations
MMO Motorcycle Museum Online
MMO Multimedia Object
MMO Multimedia Outlet
MMO Music Minus One
i knew what an MMO was, and i still didn't enjoy it. moderately clever, and worth reading. == 0
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2004-11-15 15:06:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
EQ-Denny's.
http://www.axelan.com/EverQuest/EQ-Dennys.html
Don't expect to get a single thing out of this unless you've some EQ experience. So hilarious if you've played it before, though.
Stay orange.
--JW
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-11-15 15:05:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
geek pride
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-11-15 14:59:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I fucked up on the acronym, whoops. Thanks Jinky.
About trains. Trains are a great griefing tool. Just go out and find yourself some easily aggroed MOBS (fat girls) then train them to some noobs (high school kids). This will keep the noobs busy enought so they won't KS the MOBs you originally intended to loot.
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2004-11-15 14:53:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahaha!
Oh man, that's hilarious.
MMO = Massively Multiplay/er Onliner (or something similar). Comes from the genre of games "MMORPG", or "Massively-Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games" (see the need for an acronym?).
Everquest is the best-known one, and this post parodies it perfectly.
+2 to you, sir. I salute you!
I'd like to add something about healers: As has been said, healers don't get much thanks, but they get invited into groups the quickest. If you're a good healer, and you zone into a hotspot, you'll get invites from tons of groups right off. SOme times, because the main tank will throw in so many "/rude"s, it's necessary for more than one healer, and for them to complete heal in chains, because the damage is so great that one false move could result in a party wipe, or a train (tons of angered MOBs chasing a group toward a zone entrance). Trains are dangerous because the MOBs will turn their wrath on anyone in a given radius, even if they aren't associated with the original offending group. Be warned.
Stay orange.
--JW
Stay orange.
--JW
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-11-15 14:53:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
we should start a mother frikkin Uber guild.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-11-15 14:46:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Weeeeee!
Snarks Two Step program for getting laid.
1 - Get really really drunk
2 - Lower your standards
(Damn this infernal itching)
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-11-15 14:44:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've never played an MMO but I intend to play EQII just to see what this "nerding" is all about.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-11-15 14:40:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I intend to PK in this new "life" thing you talk about.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-11-15 14:36:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
MMO is a shortened form of MMOG which is a shortened form of MMORPG. It stands for Massive Multiple Online Role Playing Game. Examples of MMOs are:
World of Warcraft: www.wow.com
City of Heroes: www.coh.com
The Infamous Everquest and EverQuest 2: www.everquestii.com, www.everquest.com
Heres a big list: http://www.mmorpg.com/gamelist.cfm/gameId/0
Submitted by Satansgotsyphillis (user info) at 2004-11-15 14:32:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
what the fuck are you talking about loser?
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-11-15 14:25:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-11-15 14:23:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy christ. Geeks! You are all geeks!
And I am kinda aroused by ti...
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-11-15 14:20:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmmm, she's kinda hot.
I also read the post, understood it and laughed. Well done.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-11-15 14:20:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You can't just say 'If you don't know what a MMO is' and not tell us!
Whats an MMO?
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-11-15 14:19:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha *snort* ha ha!
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-11-15 14:19:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
All my friends have EQII and I can't afford it yet. :-(
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-11-15 14:18:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dork.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-11-15 14:09:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
reallybored : helping dorks get laid since 1654.