Tupac Chopra (Self-Help Guru) (1494 hits)
Category: RomanceLabels: ETS_Comedy_Writing
Rating: 1.83 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (View user info) at 2004-11-16 16:06:37 EST
From the scintillating author of such self-help classics as "Look, Bitch, You Needs to Lose Some Weight" and "You Needs to Manage Yo Anger, Beyotch!" comes the new instant classic "Kiss My Chopra, Oprah"
The following is a sample of the new book by this highly praised best selling self-help author:
Chapter 1: Only God Can Judge Me, Bitch
Look, check it... It makes a brutha sad to see deez G's who thinks dat da bling is everything. A brutha cannot live by bling alone nigga, ya dig? Ya'll needs to reexamine yo lives if ya think that material posessions will leads to happiness.
Ain't not one of the 10,000 things of this world that be helpin' a G when his time comes to be judged... and I ain't talkin' about when yo baby's momma take you to court about the last 5 years of child support you smoked up neither. I'm talkin' about the big judgement when each and every little gangsta-ass nigga must stand before the almighty and testify to his earfly deeds.
Ya'll gots ta self-actualize, g! Know what I'm sayin'? Gots ta realize that da blingin' and da bangin' only leads to a sorry-ass nigga in tha end, ya feel me? It ain't about deez hos. Fuck dem hos! Ya gots ta change yoself from the inside... know what I'm sayin'?
Can't take none of that shit wit chu when you leaves this earf. You hearin' what I'm sayin'? It's all dis bullshit dat be gettin' in tha way of what a real no-limit soldier s'pose ta do wit his life, feel me?
The gates of tha promised land ain't wide enough for tha Bentley or tha Caddy. You got's ta drop dat shit, yo! Tha MAN gonna tax dat ass when you die, and it ain't gonna be no thugz mansion...so lose tha attitude and stay real.
P.S. Stay in school, nigga.
User Reviews
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-08-14 05:40:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
crap
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-09-13 14:40:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Absolutely beautiful.
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-11-17 07:26:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
funny
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-11-17 07:14:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-11-16 23:18:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
tnemmoC oN
Submitted by snagglepuss (user info) at 2004-11-16 23:16:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-11-16 23:06:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'Kiss my Chopra, Oprah'
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-11-16 21:51:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have heard of him. In a movie (I can't remember) and in an Ig Nobel prize.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-11-16 21:48:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Everyone I have spoken to has no idea who Deepak Chopra is...strange. What? Is it that everyone is sane??? Do you waste your money on psychiatrists instead??? Or do you simply not go for self-help??? PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME! What's that? Help yourself you say? Huh, thanks, I never thought of that...
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-11-16 19:50:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The book title alone is worth a +2
The rest was just fucking hilarious.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2004-11-16 17:27:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2004-11-16 16:19:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
...just because it's listed as romance.
I agree.
Submitted by Drone_of_Industry (user info) at 2004-11-16 17:22:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AMEN! You are the Mark Twain of Ebonics!
Submitted by Katastrofadark (user info) at 2004-11-16 17:15:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha I have officially been pimped
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-11-16 17:00:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic! Ever since I read "Look, Bitch, You Needs to Lose Some Weight", I've been waiting for this book.
Who's shipping it to the UK for me?
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-11-16 16:54:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good
Submitted by mxc_jwebber (user info) at 2004-11-16 16:39:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I sooo wanted to give this a -2 DIE until I saw the book cover. I'd buy 10 copies just to have books that say "You Needs To Lose Some Weight, Bitch!" on them. The ebonics were good too.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2004-11-16 16:35:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fo shizzle, nizzle.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-11-16 16:34:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks G's. I appreciates tha support. Werd!
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-11-16 16:32:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny Shit.
-Davros
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2004-11-16 16:30:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed, I cried... so much so that I think I've cracked a couple of ribs.
Right then, I'm off to listen to your cover of Nirvana's Lounge Act.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-11-16 16:30:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He's helped get me over my pimpin slump and helped me get back into a healthy regimen of 8 40 oz. Budweisers every day. Thank you Tupac Chopra.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-11-16 16:25:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Word.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-11-16 16:24:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-11-16 16:22:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So beautifully written it actually brought tears to my eyes.
Bravo! Bravo!
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-11-16 16:20:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking hilarious.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2004-11-16 16:19:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...just because it's listed as romance.
Oh, yeah, and it's awesome, too.
Submitted by IamNotTheWorldTradeCenter (user info) at 2004-11-16 16:16:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Suberb. Honestly, I would definitely say this is Dave Chapelle Show worthy.