Gambling With Underwear (1100 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.93 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by funkchomper <funkchomper.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-11-17 19:35:57 EST
(Inspired by Saxon's post: http://www.ubersite.com/m/51944)
I've never thought of myself as a gambling man. I never place a bet unless I'm sure I'm going to win. I think most guys are like that. I think I even read a post on here the other day wherein the auther said the exact same thing, only he ended up rolled up in bubblewrap. Who was that again? Help me out here. Anyway, I just don't feel comfortable unless it's a sure thing.
There is one thing, however, that I am constantly betting on.
You all know the feeling. You may be sitting at your desk, walking through a congested hallway, having a meal with some friends; and there it is. That feeling. A little bubble of gas has made it's way through your colon and is asking where the door is. Sometimes it's a bigger bubble, and sometimes it feels like a St. Patricks Day parade from Boston got lost in there.
And you're faced with a choice.
On the one hand we all know from past experience that releasing your newest treasure will result in a feeling of bliss only rivaled by the time my friend Gnat tried combining every narcotic he could find in his house. May he rest in peace.
On the other, there is always the concern: Is this simply a bearer of good news (pipes are clear, sir!) and your own pleasant aroma, or does this feeling actually warn of an impending deposit to the waste-water plant? It's easy to confuse the two, and for the most part the safe money is on heading to the nearest restroom.
When this sensation from below tickles my tush, I roll the dice. I always play the fart card, and have never lost. I have always been immensely proud of this.
A week before I left on this business trip of mine (see my other post for details) I had a coworker over for some quality gaming time. My girlfriend was at class, and the Papa John's, Red Stripe, and multiplayer PC goodness that was going on was downright nerdy fun.
In the middle of crossing a desolate virtual world, and with a fresh slice of pepperoni on it's way to my pursed and waiting lips, I felt the aforementioned feeling.
My old friend was back, and wanted to play. I smiled to myself, confident with my 100% win record, and called his bluff in mid-bite.
I lost.
It was spectacular, really. Not one of those "wet ones", or even the proverbial turtle. This was a full blown tool of Fruit of the Loom distruction. Fortunately, it was quiet. The last thing I needed was for the guys at work to start thinking up nicknames that included the words Splat or Kerflooey. I managed to excuse myself, somehow change without soiling my pants too, and dispose of the sacrificed underwear via the bedroom window.
I don't have the heart to tell the gay couple downstairs just what it is their chihuahua keeps getting into under the corner hedge.
User Reviews
Submitted by funkchomper (user info) at 2004-12-07 20:56:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've been gambling all day. Food poisoning, argh!
Submitted by funkchomper (user info) at 2004-11-22 17:27:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fie on you for breaking my streak! Twice!
Ah well.
Submitted by ezphilosophy (user info) at 2004-11-21 21:27:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by funkchomper (user info) at 2004-11-18 18:04:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BTW, here's the Maiorano post I was referring to. Wanted to include it, but just couldn't track it down at the time.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/38220
Submitted by IamNotTheWorldTradeCenter (user info) at 2004-11-18 10:33:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-11-18 10:16:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I do love a good poop story.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-11-18 09:33:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
a +2 from schlongy? on a poop post?
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-11-18 09:08:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
plus two a
Submitted by steph (user info) at 2004-11-18 01:36:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by funkchomper (user info) at 2004-11-17 22:56:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-11-17 21:19:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
it's one of those feelings that you don't have to have experienced before...you know when it happens. like love, but poo, in your pants.
_________________
That, sir, was poetry.
Submitted by funkchomper (user info) at 2004-11-17 22:38:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, I played the rest of the night with no underwear. If that coworker of mine finds this, that should make him uncomfortable.
Thanks for the good words, people.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-11-17 21:28:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*pfffffffffffffffffffffffff-bbbbbbbttttttthhhhhh-ttttttttt*
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-11-17 21:19:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it's one of those feelings that you don't have to have experienced before...you know when it happens. like love, but poo, in your pants.
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-11-17 21:08:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Score! I was scared someone else was going to get it first.
Great post, by the way.
Submitted by funkchomper (user info) at 2004-11-17 21:01:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that's the one!
Submitted by GlitchCowman (user info) at 2004-11-17 20:49:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It was matt maiorano.
http://www.ubersite.com/u/maiorano84
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-11-17 20:47:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've never thought of myself as a gambling man. I never place a bet unless I'm sure I'm going to win. I think most guys are like that. I think I even read a post on here the other day wherein the auther said the exact same thing, only he ended up rolled up in bubblewrap. Who was that again? Help me out here. Anyway, I just don't feel comfortable unless it's a sure thing.
=======
Wasn't that maiorano?
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-11-17 20:23:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bravo.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2004-11-17 20:09:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol glad to see my stories can inspire stuff like this, a good belly laugh, well written.
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-11-17 20:03:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2004-11-17 19:56:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Comme*fart*nt
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-11-17 19:53:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent read, you pathetic, pants-pooper.
Love the imagery.
Submitted by purringbubbles (user info) at 2004-11-17 19:41:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i know the bubble, she is a hard mistress...fight the good fight, man.