We're sitting in an empty Chinese restaurant in the middle of Chicago (815 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.8 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Glitch Cow (View user info) at 2004-11-17 20:41:55 EST
"Every time you do something, I love you less. I will never love you as much as I used to."
We're sitting in an empty Chinese restaurant in the middle of Chicago. It's in a bustling Metra station, but for some reason by the time we get there, wasting time before his train leaves, there's never anyone in the restaurant but us, and two Asian women who run the place.
We're both sick, and he's running a fever. He was so loving right then, right before he said that. When he's like that, so affectionate and amazingly perfect, it erases everything else. People say it doesn't, but it really does.
I agree to take up the issue of discussing past resentments with him, as long as we're here and alone and have time to talk. Our relationship has been spiraling out of control. It's a mess, and maybe it always has been, but I want and hope to god that we can fix it.
So we sit there, and I ask him to agree not to use the words slut or whore in this particular conversation (we call this "standing up to him", because it allows me to maintain some vestige of respect), and then we start talking. It looks like it might even be okay this time. I'm pretending that I'm mature and intelligent. He's complying, indulging my performance.
At the time he gets to that though, at the time he says "Every time you do something, I love you less. I will never love you as much as I used to", I've unfocused my eyes and gone somewhere else.
Don't cry in the middle of another public place. Don't do it. I have to beg myself. It's pathetic, you never realize how lonely and disgustingly pitiable you are until you find yourself riding the CTA home, counting the stops methodically because you're going to break down and cry right there on the train, with twenty yuppies awkwardly avoiding you. Belmont, wait, god wait, please. Southport, my chest gets tight. By Paulina, I want to die.
Of course, I do eventually cry. The two Asian women are having their lunch at the table across from us, so I'm as quiet as I can. It's funny, they don't even care. Every day we come here. We buy something so small, so insignificant. Soup. Two fortune cookies. And we sit there for three hours.
Inevitably, at some point, one of the women walks by us when his hand is down my pants. Or vice-versa. But that's another story.
I always wonder why they don't kick us out. But they never have.
"I will never love you as much as I used to." There's something about that, something that stabs right into the fucking kidneys ("the heart", you could say, but that's too clichéd and doesn't quite convey the feeling) of six struggling months. Six months grasping at something I want so badly but am never going to have. Six months of please-god-let-me-not-fuck-up-anymore.
I'm staring at some point just behind his head.
"Don't cry sweetie", he says.
Like that's supposed to help. I wonder if he understands what it's like to have put six months of everything into this and come out with something as final and dead as "I'll never love you as much as I used to."
Everything, literally. Everything being every moment of my free time, every dream in my fucking head, and every friend gone but one who remains, who stayed along for the ride, bless her heart.
Every. Friend. Gone. That sounds harsh. But what else can you say when you've heard your best friend screaming across public spaces that "we tried and you wouldn't listen, so you can go fuck yourself, (bitch) because he's going to cheat on you and dump you and you'll have nothing and no one to turn to." Eloquent? No. But effective.
And so at this point, I have to wonder how appealing begging for him to stay with me is going to be. It might work. It probably will, it always does.
There's a napkin on the floor. He dropped it, I think. He's saying something now, something along the lines of "Are you even listening to me?"
(no)
He kisses me. We'll talk about it later, I guess.
And then comes the long train ride home alone.
So go ahead uber, tear me apart.
- OLAS
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User Reviews
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-11-30 14:42:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd massage your feet until you fell asleep each and every night.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-11-19 21:07:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was actually very good
DRAAAAAAAAAMA
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-11-18 18:12:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
no no no no no no no no no!
i dont want you. youre worth the frustration but goddamnit woman, take the blinders off of your eyes.
please
Submitted by GlitchCowman (user info) at 2004-11-18 11:26:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And chris, don't get so frustrated, you can give up on me, seriously.
Everyone else did.
"Every. Friend. Gone. That sounds harsh. But what else can you say when you've heard your best friend screaming across public spaces that "we tried and you wouldn't listen, so you can go fuck yourself, (bitch) because he's going to cheat on you and dump you and you'll have nothing and no one to turn to." Eloquent? No. But effective. "
I really meant that part. The only people who I spend time with now are him and my best girlfriend. My best friend wrote a horribly nasty three page letter about me (excerpted above) and made sure everyone in the school read it, my other friends just stopped calling or even trying.
Fun.
Submitted by GlitchCowman (user info) at 2004-11-18 11:03:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm 17, to the person who asked.
And to the other person who asked what he did; nothing really, he just says really hurtful things sometimes, and he can never forgive or apologize, which is kind of hard. As to what I did, it's pretty personal, involves some big lies two months into our relationship, and then lots of little things. Lots of them.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-11-18 05:38:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by RouteTwo (user info) at 2004-11-17 23:34:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wait, so what exactly did HE do? What exactly did YOU do? I don't get it...
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-11-17 23:16:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This kind of situation sucks. But seriously how old are you? If you are younger than 23, break it off and move on. You still have SO much growing time.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-11-17 22:51:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*sniffle* I'm sorry viv, I'd say he's a douchebag but.... although it may be an accurate description it wouldn't exactly be kind.
I'd like to impart my wisdom in this case but.... I have none.
Take what little this means as you will.... god bless.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-11-17 22:44:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ITS NOT YOUR FAULT DAMNIT. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?
ARGH. I GIVE UP.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-11-17 22:43:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THAT PICTURE IS RIGHT OUTSIDE WHERE I WORK IN Long Island...actually, IN MY TOWN NOW.
That Chinese place is great though. Its called Eastern Strawberry.
OH YEAH
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE DUMP HIM.
PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE?????????????????????????????????????
(im serious)
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2004-11-17 22:14:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOO CHICAGO
GO BEARS WOO!!!
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2004-11-17 21:54:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You know we all fuck up every now and then. Sometimes shit happens and there isn't a thing you can do except grit your teeth and move on. I've lived a fucked up life, maybe not as fucked up as some peoples but fucked up none the less. And right now im at a point where everyone either hates me or has disowned me for some reason or another, maybe I deserve it and maybe I don't. But the thing you have to ask yourself is do you dictate your life or do you let others do so?
Submitted by GlitchCowman (user info) at 2004-11-17 21:54:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
He's not actually an asshole though, is the thing, matty. I know that most of the shit that goes on between us has been my fault, for playing the martyr and being very stupid and hiding small stuff. I've been the only one that's lied, connived, mistrusted. Initially at least. But now I want to fix it. And now it's too late.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-11-17 21:49:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Glitch Cow for 3!
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-11-17 21:43:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The cute ones always fall for the assholes.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-11-17 21:37:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I looked for you but you were not here,
I prayed for you but you did not hear,
I tried to be a friend for you,
you took a dump on my pillow.................
What?
This must be SOME GOOOOOOOOD looking boy toy you have Viv; to make you dump your friends for his wank.
Submitted by Tenyuki (user info) at 2004-11-17 21:36:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
-sigh- What I got to say shouldn't be broadcast on a website. You know where I am when you wanna talk, because you know I like talking with you.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-11-17 21:35:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was beautifully written. It was moving, and emotive, and almost painfully clear.
I'm not going to "tear you apart" because it sounds like you already know how weak and foolish your behavior is.
Submitted by GlitchCowman (user info) at 2004-11-17 21:26:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, it's like I have my trigger finger on the plus two.
Submitted by GlitchCowman (user info) at 2004-11-17 21:22:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I also realized today that it was OLAS's uber birthday a few days ago, the 14th. Happy birthday.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-11-17 21:21:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well if it isn't Vivian...Mcgee.
Vivian Mcgee out of Dublin.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-11-17 21:03:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I rate this without bias now that I know this is OLAS?
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-11-17 20:55:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*SOBS*
God, this made me cry. It's so sad.
I've cried on that train before. Stupid Brown Line. Stupid yuppies on the Brown Line.
This was such a poignant story. I don't what else to say. Wow.