bringing it on home to YOU, "babe" (878 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.6 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chinaski (View user info) at 2004-11-17 21:39:56 EST
This article was contrived after I read this review on my last article:
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Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-11-17 10:50:22 (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny story. You didn't wear a rubber? GROSS.
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(Article commencing)
Well. Not wearing a rubber is "gross". After reading this review, I decided to contrive an article in response to it (believe it or not!).
I decided, furthermore, that I would have sex with Jeanneee. This should be easy for several reasons-
1) The sex was going to occur purely in my mind
2) A donkey could convince Jeanneee... wait, bad example. She's been to Mexico AND the children's petting zoo. Umm... a corpse... wait... lemme think...
...
Well, suffice to say, any(one/thing) could convince Jeanneee to have sex with him/her/it... I am basing this on the fact that her name ends in three "e's". Probably due to a scenario along these lines: (short digression)
Dad: "Honey, whatchoo wan' name our daughter?" (Gleefully eyeing female genitalia as baby exits vagina)
Mom: "Jean..." (at this point the baby furiously pleasures her mom's clit with her misshapen head) "... EEE!"
Dad: "Jesus Christ, I'm at half-mast! It's a miracle!"
Anyway...
3) See above
So, with that in mind, I set to my herculanean task.
"Jean.. EEEEEEEEEEEEee," I began. "Would you like to..."
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Cool!"
I thought I'd begin with a question first.
"Why do you find condoms gross, Jeanneee? When you're fisting yourself, do you wrap your palm in 3 safeway plastic bags for enhanced pleasure and sanitation? What makes intimate skin-on-skin contact grosser than a manmade plastic object detracting from the moment?"
Jeanneeeeeee thought for a moment.
"Well... do me now."
*Shrug*. Might as well comply in the interest of science. I transported the apple of my mind's eye and myself to a tropical paradise. A paradise where... there were no condoms. Dum dum dum! Jeannee undressed herself...
HOLY JESUS, WHAT AM I THINKING!? I realized astutely.
Suddenly Jeanneee exited the picture. I pleasured myself with a salve made from a dozen banannas and some macadamia nut butter and dozed off.
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-16 20:57:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Look! Check this out.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-03-16 20:47:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-03-16 13:02:11 (#)
Ranking: -1
Fascinating post, dude. You really had a lot to say here. Thanks for opening this deep discussion up to the uber community.
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Hmm.
Submitted by Manicdepressant (user info) at 2004-11-18 20:29:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well, i have to agree with jenneee here, fucking a girl without a rubber when u dont kno who the fuck else has been in her its gross, at least if she insists on a rubber then shes not likely to have half the STI in the universe up her cunt.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-11-18 10:01:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Condoms are for fags and dipshits. Live a little.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-11-18 09:39:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry sweetie, I just think it's gross to have sex with a slutty girl you don't even know without wearing a condom. You could get a disease. You can write all the revenge/response posts you want but you know I'm right.
+2 because I'm a total narcissist and I love seeing my name mentioned so many times.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-11-17 22:21:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
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