Forever Alone (558 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -0.3 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by silverlatter.at.forever.com (View user info) at 2004-11-18 10:14:41 EST
It wasn't today I relized that everything in my life that was good is now gone. I have been thinking and praying that everything would just go back to normal. There is no dought in my mind that I am depressed.
I had all the friends in the world in High School. My best friend was amazing, thoughtful, caring, funny, and he was in love with me. It was to bad I aready had a boyfriend who was going to a different high school. Even if I didn't I didn't want to trash the great friendship with my best friend. I felt if we got together as a couple everything would be shattered, all the years we spent to get so close the way we were. I tried to hang out with the both of them, but for some reason they hated eachother. So I had to split my time. It seem liked I had the best of both worlds, and boyfriend who loved me and a bestfriend who would never leave me.
Well it came time for college and I went to PA, and my boyfriend went to NC and my best friend continued working at a place, in other words he didn't have money for college. By this time I was sleeping with my boyfriend, and having a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with me best friend. My boyfriend never found out, but we did end up closing the realtionship becuase of the long distance between colleges.
Nick, the love oh my life, stayed by me, with every stupid thing I did in college, and he was always there for me. Even thought for some reason we broke it off. Now it seems the tables have turned, after completely going crazy in my head, I can't live without him. I wrote Nick a letter just the other day, about how I feel and how lately it seems like he hasn't been trying to be friends at all. I let him know that I feel hate from him, and that to me it doesn't seem like he is even trying to becomes close friends again.
You see he has his friends now, he has his life and he has slowly forgotten about me. All the mean while, I have been working 7 days a week while I take a semester off from college. He called me last night about the letter. Saying that for him we would have to start from the beginning again, to gain the friendship we once had. But he is completely blind to see that I have been trying to do that. Then he tells me that he doesn't like being menipulated, and that just boggles my mind, because seems like...like...I don't even know anymore.
I am tired of crying, I am tired of being alone. Running off the road at 100 mph seems like should a nice idea right now. I don't care about you people on here, you can take your spell check and just stick it up your ass. My heart is broken, and it isn't even the whole story. I am not asking for +2 or -2. I am just asking for someone to understand. Someone to relate. Being put down by everyone, who I thought were friends, just isn't working for me anymore.
And for all the perfectionist in here, who think that I am not worthy of being here, I am just a normal person, posting whatever I want, when I want. It isn't a game, just like life isn't a game. If I want to use this as a daily journal, then I think I have found my new best friend.
User Reviews
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-11-18 13:25:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You went to college?
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-11-18 13:22:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, I'm back.
No, I'm not here to be nasty again.
This is a far cry better than http://www.ubersite.com/m/51704
We appreciate that you tried to put some effort into this. See, if you're going to post here, the general unspoken rule is that you are going to get slammed if you simply spew.. Posting here is like publishing, polish it up a little bit, or you're going to get bad reviews. Everybody says "I don't care" but you know what? The amount of insults and hate thrown at you will wear you down eventually.. you write a journal where others can see it, and you are still going to take a little pride in it.. and it's no fun if people come along and graffiti it.
That said, there are times in people's lives, usually several, where they come upon a crisis of identity. That guy is from a past chapter and no longer fits who you are now, and you may not even know how to define yourself, yet. Work on that first. Once you have some confidence back and have settled in with a new set of friends, you will be able to approach him again.
A year is not a long time in the scheme of things.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-11-18 12:30:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sweetheart, ignore the trash talk. Ignore the people who are questioning the way you feel because of the way that you express it. I write for myself and post it quite often because it helps me, I don't write it for the masses on Uber. If they like it, great. If they don't, they can go swivel.
You may not feel that you have anything to talk about, and I know that feeling too. When you're so down but you can't put your finger one reason, and your life seems to be falling apart. I know that feeling because I've been there. I probably will not be able to provide you the answers, but I can and will listen as someone who knows what the bottom of that bottle feels like.
As an aside, I would love to see your artwork.
Submitted by melbie7 (user info) at 2004-11-18 12:06:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
So because I am not a great writer, and I can't express myself like a writer would, I get trashed talked. I am only showing a true person, writing is not my thing, never was never will be. Would ya rather see my Graphic Designs, my black and white photography, and my drawings. Of course I could show you those, but then you would just see the art side of me, and you wouldn't know my heartache.
I am sorry for your lost, and I could probably give you advice that one would tell me to do myself, but I can't. Because I am not a good writer, I get questioned. But my trueness is not how I write, it is what I write, and what I write is how I feel. I don't care if I don't use big words, I just write what I feel.
Is that so hard to understand for people who write and write well?
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-11-18 11:45:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Alright, first of all the feelings you're experiencing are real nasty... I lost the girl I was living with and in love with for 3 years to another guy in what seemed to me like an instant, no warning, just gone. It hurt like hell.
I let my friends move in with me, let them do what they wanted to the house (they re-decorated for the better fortunately) I let my friend shave my long hair into a mowhawk (also looked much better), I stopped working for well over a month because I didn't care if the bills mounted up because life was over.
All I kept hearing was how happy her and her new boyfriend were together as I sat feeling continuously sick staring at the wallpaper we bought together.... Love hurts more than anything. Take a look at this post if you want to know the full ins and outs....http://www.ubersite.com/m/44843
In the mean time I would suggest speaking with Stin she'll be a lot of help. Email me if you wanna wolfsweb.at.hotmail.com
Submitted by IamNotTheWorldTradeCenter (user info) at 2004-11-18 11:25:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
This reaks of goth poetry. Which reminds me of my favorite South Park quote:
'Endless suffering? You wanna learn about endless suffering move to a third world country, pussy!'
Seriously. You have no idea what you probably put that kid through and how hard it was even for him to respond to that letter. Do him a favor and never talk to him ever again.
At least you talk like a grown up though. I give you that much.
Submitted by melbie7 (user info) at 2004-11-18 11:09:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I a not tryin gto get defensive. Just seems like some people don't know true life. I keep telling myself, well maybe I will meet people in college, well with my little semester off deal that is going on, I have found out my friends that were friend are not really friends.
I don't understand people, yes thank you for your help. I would like to talk, but there is nothing to talk about. I am depressed, there is nothing anyone can do for me that I haven't already tried myself. If I had the money to go to a doctor, well hell I would. Put me on some meds, that would be just dandy.
I want my life back, but there is no way I can get it, not the way I would want it. If you wanna hear that I am over him, then fine, I am over him. Can't sleep or eat when I think about it anyways.
So while I thank you for your help, maybe I will take up your email and give you a line or 2 when there is something to talk about. But that is my problem. I don't ask the questions and I can't tell you what is bothering me. Why do you think I am where I am.
Again not defensive, just confused
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-11-18 10:52:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey you, chill out hon.
There are people on here who will try and help you, listen to you, and care about your life if you don't get all defensive on their arses. I'm one of them.
I'm gonna say it again, in case you missed it the first time. If there's anything I can do, drop me a line.
~ Christina
Submitted by melbie7 (user info) at 2004-11-18 10:47:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And by the way Bob....I didn't jerk his chain for years. We never had sex, seeing that he was/is a virgin til marriage. And to tell you the truth I don't know the true reason why we broke up, I went crazy...drinking all the time and being depressed about..well personal things that had happened to me. I guess I just claimed up.
But now I am the one that loves and see him, and he doesn't see me. So now I know how he felt in High school and now he knows where I was, but he hates me so much that he doesn't even know.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-11-18 10:43:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You should have swallowed.
Submitted by melbie7 (user info) at 2004-11-18 10:41:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why does it matter how things are written. So who cares if I write poorly, I am writting from my heart, I am not here to get A+++'s from you guys, I am here to post whatever I want, does it matter that I cannot write, or does it matter that I have thrown my heart out and now everyone on here can just insult me on how I write.
Of course I will take things personally if it has to do with you saying that I can't write, DUH, i already fucking know that. I am not here for that, I am here to let people know about me, I am not here for story time, for contest, and if you don't want to hear about my life, then don't read it, becuase that is probably what I will post.
Don't need to read it and you don't need to waste your time rating it.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-11-18 10:34:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It was lousy purely as a piece of writing.
However, I do know where you're coming from, I know that life's a bitch, and I know that when you feel like that it's difficult to write coherently and spell everything right.
If you want to talk, feel free to email or IM me; clcampion.at.hotmail.com. I don't use AIM often, but if you want my username just ask.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2004-11-18 10:31:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
While I agree with Bob completely, don't worry about it. Concentrate on making money and getting your life back together. People go to college and change, it happens. Time to grow up and stop living in the past. Life has ups and downs, you have to just learn to deal with it
and enjoy the good things.
Not trying to be an asshole, just giving advice.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-11-18 10:23:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ummm, please don't kill yourself over a guy. There will be plenty of others.
Submitted by Lunch_Pail (user info) at 2004-11-18 10:21:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well shit. I think you should get over him. Theres going to be many more and better relationships for you. You cant get so down on yourself- you will find someone you love even more.
Im curious though- why did the relationship end?
There is never a reason to kill yourself- sit back and look at all the good things you still got in your life- your letting one thing cloud everything else over, think about your friends, family and other shit. Guys/girls come and go but your friends are always there.
BTW my name is nIck also.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-11-18 10:17:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You jerked the guy's chain for years and years, and you now expect him to forget it all?