Random ramblings: shooting mailmen in the knee and hernias (988 hits)
Category: Politics -> LibertariansRating: 2 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Glitch Cow (View user info) at 2004-11-18 13:31:42 EST
"He did WHAT?"
"Well, I don't think that he actually meant to, he was really fucking wasted at the time."
"I thought you said it happened right after breakfast..."
"Well, it did. I'm not really sure what they were thinking though. Point is, they were wasted, and they were looking through the mail slot when he came, and..."
"So they shot the mailman in the back of the knee through their mail slot?"
"Basically."
"Isn't that some kind of federal offense?"
"Point is, he's having a party Saturday."
"No."
"Point is, he didn't mean it. Come on."
And so I found myself going to a party hosted by a boy who shot his mailman in the back of the knee through the mail slot. It reminded me of some kind of after-school special.
Stupidity seems to breed itself in mass quantities these days. What exactly possesses someone to shoot a mailman in the knee? The kid was wearing a business suit when we showed up at his party. A fucking business suit. Pinstriped, no less. It was his "out of juvey" party, to be honest. I didn't find this out until we got there. I was mildly pissed off, to say the least.
However, I'm not one to turn down free food.
I never learned the kid's name, my boyfriend referred to him simply as "the Pollack kid across the street", so he'll be called "PK" for Pollack Kid, from now on. In any case, PK had a little brother, age ten or so, who hung around all the time. LPK, or Little Pollack Kid, was obscenely fat and lazy. When I first laid eyes on him, he was shirtless and sprawled out on the couch playing video games. His rolls of pudge were talking to me.
"Feeeeedddd meeeeeeee."
I felt bad for LPK, so I sat down next to him and asked him how he was doing. He turned to me, smiled sweetly, and said, "I have a fucking hernia. They're cutting off my ball on Monday."
Turns out LPK wasn't shitting me. The little (a term of endearment, purely, he had to have been twice my size) bugger actually had a hernia. Normally, this comes from intense activity or old age. Clearly fulfilling neither characteristic, LPK was a miraculous medical freak. He had an interesting kind of hernia. To make a long story short, his intestine shot through his scrotum. Yes, his balls. LPK really was having surgery on Monday. Whether or not they actually removed his balls, I would never find out.
Around the time LPK asked me if I wanted to SEE his balls, my boyfriend was tugging at me frantically, insisting that we had to leave immediately.
Turns out the Police had knocked on the door due to noise complaints. PK, ever brilliantly living up to his heritage, had, sure enough, tried to shoot a Chicago police officer through the mail slot upon hearing the door bell.
Needless, to say, my Saturday night was a learning experience.
google image search for "shot in the knee":
User Reviews
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2004-11-27 17:10:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What? You want ot come to my birthday party?
Fat chance, you fat garbage bag of fat.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-11-27 16:59:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fecking awesome
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-11-25 23:53:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking cow.
MOOO
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2004-11-18 18:51:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the opening line reminded me of Cowboy Bebop so I could'nt resist giving it a plus two.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-11-18 15:09:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-11-18 14:07:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey, at least you could've put in a line that said "shenanigans" or something so I'd know... Besides i'm at work and going nuts... I almost fell for the old "Moon is made out of bleu cheese" trick the other day...
Crafty bastards...
Submitted by GlitchCowman (user info) at 2004-11-18 13:56:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Don: Fiction. My boyfriend does know a polish boy who shot his mailman in the knee through a mailslot (kid got out of jail before the mailman got out of the hospital, and someone I know has a little ten year old brother who fits the story, but other than that, it's made up.
:)
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-11-18 13:53:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Going to the party of a dude who shot his mailmen in the knee: not genius.
The hernia thing happens a lot actually... going into the scrotum that is... However fortunately (or unfortunately depending on whether you think he's fit to procreate) It's very doubtful he'll lose a nut.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2004-11-18 13:50:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Look, it's a squirrel.