Things Really Worth Hating (1523 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.36 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by daniel <daniel.at.writerspacemail.com> (View user info) at 2004-11-18 16:05:22 EST
I hate white guys who try to talk black. I guess they won't be satisfied until Uncle Remus climbs out of their asses rapping "Zippity-doo-dah." And why do they always look like those guys on Cops running through someone's backyard?
I hate the term "movers and shakers." Sounds like some mad-cow induced syndrome.
I hate Paris Hilton's flat, low-carb ass, and she should stay out of film unclothed. The first symptoms of movers-and-shakers syndrome were apparent in her "unauthorized" movie.
I hate people who say "I could care less." Hey, that's a nice thing to say. If you don't care about something, say "I couldn't care less." And I hate people who start sentences with "Hey."
I hate the guys in the "Girls Gone Wild" videos who act like dorky frat boys at their first kegger who've never seen a pair of tits in real life. "Whhhooo! Drop that top!!" Come on. Act like you've been there before. At least act like you've been to the European riverias where women go topless, or the Greek isles where people get totally naked. And for the makers of this trash, keep it coming, since where I live even thongs are unlawful and I've never been to Europe.
"Untimely death..." What the hell is a "timely" death? Dying in your sleep at 98 with a bed-full of bisexual nymphos trying to revive you with speedball injections and opium shotguns?
Hang on, I can't remember what I hate about that last one.
I hate people who say, "It goes without saying." If it goes without saying then don't say it. Move on. "Life's short, play hard!" Play hard? Like the untimely dead dude, him and his little blue friend? Viagra is a top-dollar street drug, and I hate that girls who are getting it all night from their wannabe thug guys don't realize this. It goes without saying that Woodroe ain't staying up after midnight for them: it's up after hours 'cause it's so hard these guys have to lean against the wall over the toilet, like being frisked, just to pee, which ain't easy. It's real hard. This stands out in my own memories. Not that I've used Viagra. I could care less if you believe me.
Who the hell says "Mickey D's"? Seriously.
I hate the courtroom term, "In your own words."
What in hell does this mean?: "And don't channel some spirit to speak for you?"
I hate that presidents have "speech writers." I should've used this to my advantage in school when teachers questioned whether I really wrote my term papers: "Ahm, no, I actually had my term-paper-writer write this one for me. What?"
The show "Crossing Over" with John Edwards, who channels the dead for those hoping to contact someone who has "passed." These people haven't "passed," they've failed, to keep living. Without exception he channels immediate relatives. Just seeing my family at Christmas is hellish enough, now they're gonna escort me into eternity?! I'll pass.
I hate Pamala Anderson's super-sized breasts that look like an ass on her chest. (In general, if a girl's tits are bigger than her ass, something's up, and it's not my dick.) I also hate Courtney Love's surgically-stretched face: looks like she's in a centrifuge pulling 8-Gs.
I hate to get all serious, but I really hate the new Aunt Jemima syrup bottles that show her without her do-rag. She used to be hip but now she looks like Oprah. Next they'll be putting a toboggan on the Cream of Wheat guy. That reminds me, I hate people who use the word "hip," because they never are.
I hate older guys who drive Corvettes (they usually have a facial scar and look like they're up to something shady).
I hate that I don't have the psychic powers to make Drew Barrymore move in with me and dabble into hypnotism and sexual role-playing.
"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. . . Oh, I didn't realize that they have a dark-secret-cloaking-device surrounding the city. The only thing that stays in Vegas after you leave is your money... and the fat bastards who took it.
"Irregardless," "peace out."
User Reviews
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-05 03:10:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Who the hell says "Mickey D's"? Seriously. "
Umm, do you guys say "Maccas" in the states? It's what a lot of us say here in Australia.
Submitted by transhuman (user info) at 2005-04-05 02:58:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-11-19 09:17:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate people who write hate posts.
Just kidding. This was good. Cheers!!
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-11-18 21:00:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Who the hell says "Mickey D's"?"
I can't fucking stand that. The Canadian equivalent of Timmy's or Timmy Ho's for Tim Hortons PISSES ME RIGHT OFF. I want to KILL when some one says that. Fuck. Right. Off. Ooooohhh let's got to Timmy's for coffee! EAT A DICK! ARRRRGGGG.
I'm really angry right now because the asshole spanish guy brought his kid to the office. Now all I hear is spanish and kid talk coming from the cubicle next to mine. Fuck..
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-11-18 20:51:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-11-18 20:24:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2004-11-18 20:39:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-11-18 20:24:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-11-18 19:04:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-11-18 18:05:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, I could care less about your worthless opinion. I'm a mover and shaker with a new Girls Gone Wild film to star in. Paris will be "performing" in this one!
(In general, if a girl's tits are bigger than her ass, something's up, and it's not my dick.) - funny.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2004-11-18 17:56:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I recycled since the last few Things I Hate post cropped up last days. Thanks
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-11-18 17:44:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this is pretty similar to your first post no?
only not as good
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2004-11-18 17:34:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Feijuada, "seldom" hip. There's exceptions.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2004-11-18 17:01:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I hate people who use the word "hip," because they never are.
Not true. I have a teacher who uses that word and he's a happening hepcat.
Submitted by Amusingly_shaped_semen_stain (user info) at 2004-11-18 16:53:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Who the hell says "Mickey D's"? Seriously."
I say Maccy Deez.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2004-11-18 16:20:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i concur. but not all that entertaining
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-11-18 16:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I, or someone in my immediate family, fall into about half these categories. And yet somehow, I take no offense at your hatred of me and my ilk.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-11-18 16:11:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
actually, we DO have a cloaking device... you'll be getting a visit soon from the Las Vegas Tourism Dept later tonight.