One Penis. Two Bloody Heads. (1248 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.83 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by russizm (View user info) at 2004-11-18 21:08:55 EST
My girlfriend and I became accustomed to each other, in such a way that our sex life was not the same as it once was. We decided to take a weekend trip to the Pocono's to get Mr. Willy to stand tall again.
Our conversations on the way dealt with trying new things, becoming closer, and having fun.
I just wanted some pussy.
When we arrived at the hotel we immediately tried things out due to the new environment. No-go. I don't know what it was but it felt like I was waiting for it to feel better, but it didn't. It didn't feel like anything was even happening when she was slobbering all over my one eyed monster. I pushed her off and suggested dinner.
We both dressed up for the occasion and headed out. After the waiter pranced away with our orders my girlfriend started moving her tongue around against her cheek.
"What are you doing? Do you have a cold sore?" She looked around and slowly slipped under the table.
I didn't notice the cloth on the table extended to the floor until that point. I should pay attention more often.
I scooted closer to the table and prepared for some public oral sex. I guess it was the thrill of getting caught that made it feel so much better than before. It was as if I was controlling her ever moment with my mind, it was perfect. Except when I started to feel her teeth.
Did I mention she had epilepsy?
Epilepsy is crazy because it makes muscles spaz out like crazy. I don't know how many times her jaw clamped down but I was pushing her head off of me with all my strength. We were officially creating a scene.
Nothing was working. She was unconscious and continued to gnaw for what felt like an eternity. I was about to pass out myself until I grabbed a fork off the table and planted it right upside her head.
If she didn't stop right then I'd be in prison because she would have kept getting stabbed. Would self-defense have worked as a defense in court?
I loved her and everything but I just couldn't be with someone that I had to stab to save my penis.
If I ever become "accustomed" again I'll take a four hour erection from Levitra over some crazy bitch chewing my dick off.
User Reviews
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-11-19 18:02:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Plagiarism accusations are pretty rough - any proof?
Submitted by JenBee (user info) at 2004-11-19 17:48:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this deserves solid plus twos.
Submitted by russizm (user info) at 2004-11-19 05:03:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's not plagarized, I heard of the story and wrote this.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2004-11-18 23:12:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fucking hilarious- I was going to give you a +10 till someone said it was plagiarized. Well, if that's true,eat my shit! here's a 0 just in case. but still...
__________
Did I mention she had epilepsy?
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Thanks for making me spill my hot miso soup all over my dick.
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-11-18 21:25:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Saw it in a mass email already. Nice try though.
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-11-18 21:22:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh my
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-11-18 21:14:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome.
poor penis