I may be dead, but my sex-life isn't! (1028 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 1.38 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Zombie Reagan (View user info) at 2004-11-19 20:23:33 EST
What with being dead and all, I thought I would try out a few new "life" experiences. After the whole being turfed out of hell and forced to wander the Earth as an eternally damned soul thing it dawned on me that I could do whatever I liked. Fuck Jesus. Did he lift a finger when Satan gave me the boot? No, the hippy bastard.
I dimly remember Nancy asking me to "eat her out" once in our marital bed. I didn't know what it meant, but after soundly beating her for possible sexual deviance our sex-life was restricted to monthly missionary-position fumblings. What a fucking waste. I was an asshole.
Trying to hook up with Nancy again was a big no-no. She beat me up with a bible and tried to stab me with a crucifix. I had to lay some of that "Great Communicator" wit on her to get away.
"Ahahaha, I'm already dead you stupid bitch. Psych."
So, I've been stalking this girl for the last few nights. I intend to "eat her out." Zombie Rick James tells me women go wild for it. She's taken a few potshots at me, but nothing essential was lost.
Shuffling into her bedroom I rolled back the covers. I began nibbling her forearm - juicy - but she got up and ran screaming out of the house. Being a clumsy undead fuck, I had no chance of catching her.
Oh well.
Being dead isn't easy, you know.
At least I get to feast on succulent BRAAAAAINS! BRAAAAINS! every night. Yum.
http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?Zombie%20Reagan
User Reviews
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-11-20 03:28:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love zombie reagan
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2004-11-20 03:00:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Good luck with all that necro poon.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-11-20 02:20:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shuffling into her bedroom I rolled back the covers. I began nibbling her forearm - juicy - but she got up and ran screaming out of the house. Being a clumsy undead fuck, I had no chance of catching her.
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=)
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-11-19 22:06:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Here's a plus one for ya.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/52192
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-11-19 21:24:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I appreciate what you're going for but its not your bit, so can't give that decent a rating.
Try coming up with your own joke
Submitted by tha_rusty_1 (user info) at 2004-11-19 21:16:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Ahahaha, I'm already dead you stupid bitch. Psych."
auto +2
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-11-19 20:37:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The Holy Grail of Uber: http://www.ubersite.com/m/52187
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2004-11-19 20:26:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BRAAAAAINS! BRAAAAINS!
haha