The Decision to Decide (Warning: VENT POST) (713 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.92 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Nomad <Drainoe.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-11-20 12:10:45 EST
I'd just like to say that this is a vent post. I'm venting. VENTING (meaning, you shouldn't take this shit seriously). Take it with a couple grains of salt, and try not to get pissy.
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The Decision to Decide
"This is for all you lonely men and women out there. Well pretty much just the men because women can spread their legs and before they know it a cock will be in there." - http://www.ubersite.com/m/52145
How true. Thank you Brendan.
"Sex is always on a woman's terms."
Basically it breaks down like this. Only guys can have the possibility of being sexually frustrated. If you are a woman, all you need to do is head to your local kareoke dive, start drinking and before you know it, you'll have your choice of cocks.
Those places are actually kind of funny. Last night I was at one with some people from work and I just kinda sat there and drunkenly watched. Almost everyone there was trying so damn hard not to be himself or herself. Except for that token black guy who was a fuckin pimp.
But thats a different topic.
I'm sure that everyone has had the conversation somewhere, with someone about the whole, "If guys go out and sleep around they are heroes, but if chicks do it, then they are sluts! Thats not fair!!"
Well, acctually it is.
See, if you take the female equivalent of my attractiveness and put it into the same situation, she will have an extremely good chance of getting laid. However, me being male, I have almost no chance of getting laid. I quote again:
"Sex is always on a woman's terms."
So to call a girl a slut and congratulate a guy on the same thing? Well, I think that's pretty fair. Where for a woman its a choice, for a man its a challenge (and for alot of us, a difficult one).
Truth is that the only males that get laid on a frequent basis have both social and physical aspects about them to the point that women pick them up. The rest of us? Heh. Yeah. Some might have a bit more success than others, but no man (except for the type I just described) can meet the same quota as a female can.
I heard somewhere that 20% of the guys are getting 80% of the ladies. I believe that. So all those stories you hear about girls doing freaky shit, and you think to yourself, "where the hell was I?"
Well, you were at home with your KY, cliphunter.com, and your right hand. Or, you were passed out in your van at ubercon.
I was chatting with my ex the other day about her recent life changes. Apparently she's given up that "purity" factor and is fucking around quite a bit. I mentioned that I was upset at the fact that my current girlfriend wanted to wait on the whole sex thing.
"Sounds like you're just another guy that's pissed off he's not getting any."
"Yeah, perhaps I am. But before you put judgement on me for that, try being a guy. Now, go suck a dick up till you hiccup, bitch."
Eh, truthfully however, what really bugs me about these sexual dynamics is that they even exist.
I don't really like hearing about the two guys my girlfriend sucked off at a party in Manchester. I don't care how big little Chris's dick is. I do however, care about the fact that she's done all this, and now decides that she is done fucking around and wants to settle down with a nice, cute, sensitive chump that is going to let her walk all over him to the point that he wont be having sex with her for months and once they "reach that point in their relationship" (and after about half my income on dinner, gifts and the like) he will probably sleep with her twice a month until marriage when that will drop to twice a year.
*BREATHE* Wheeeew! heheheh.
Am I bitter? Yeah, I admit I'm a little bitter. Sue me. And go fuck yourself.
Asshole. Anyway...
So, I'm making a decision here.
I'm giving up. I'm giving up the faith that there is that "special someone" out there that will appreciate me for me and that will love and cherish me for the rest of my days. And all that other heinous lovey dovey bullshit.
In short ladies: If you fucked around every friday night with a different guy (or guys), and have now "seen the errors of your ways" or are ready to "settle down" with "someone real" (or basically any bullshit thing that you will tell me to get me to give you what you want), but yet you aren't ready for a "physical relationship", you can expect me to reply with, "Do you give good head? Because I can't be in a relationship with a woman that doesn't give good head."
That ending sounded like a deep thought by Jack Handy.
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End Venting.
User Reviews
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-11-22 16:36:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Break up with your girlfriend and have lots of wild, meaningless sex with teenage sluts. Trust me, you'll be way happier and a lot less stressed out towards women.
Relationships are for pussies.
Submitted by Nomad (user info) at 2004-11-21 22:07:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-11-21 15:22:02 (#)
Ranking: 1
you have an unhealthy view of women but this post was well written.
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You know, I could agree with you. But I think that my view is accurate.
I just dropped 50 bucks on my girlfriend. I got a longer kiss goodnight because of it.
The guy two rows down on the other side of the theatre was buttoning his pants when the lights came on after the movie, and his girl looked around like she was checking if anyone noticed.
See the inherent difference here between that guy and me?
The problem with my love life is not the natural way that human sexuality operates.
The problem with my love life is that I don't operate the way that natural human sexuality does. And until I do, this course of events will continue to happen, over and over again until I end up at 40 years old, alone and bitter...
FUCK THAT!
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2004-11-21 17:05:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-11-20 20:01:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Was this not the best random venting ever or what?!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-11-21 15:22:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
you have an unhealthy view of women but this post was well written.
Submitted by NSFW (user info) at 2004-11-21 09:47:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've found that the best way to eliminate the ones that want to settle down and have a nice physical relationship is to tell them that you need anal and a blowjob at least once a week. Sure you might lose the first couple dozen... but when you get that one its worth it.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-11-21 09:07:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I got an idea. I need to get in an argument with my girlfriend. And win."
Man, start with something small. Just keep finding little, tiny things to start shit about until you win one. Then next time you do it, pick something a bit bigger. Just keep doing that until you're kicking ass all over the place.
Submitted by Nomad (user info) at 2004-11-21 08:59:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Another little update on de pussifying myself.
I was supposed to go to church with the girlfriend this morning, but I really, really, really didn't want to go.
So here I am, making a phone call, expecting her to bitch me the fuck out.
"Hello"
"Hey. I don't feel up for church today."
"Okay."
What? WHAT?! Did you just let me acctually do what I wanted without freaking the fuck out?
WHAT?!
Heheheh. Like I said, baby steps. I had it in my head that I wasn't going to church and viola, I didn't go.
Two days ago I would have called with the intention in my head of being convinced to go.
I got an idea. I need to get in an argument with my girlfriend. And win.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-11-20 23:35:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This should be on Bored at Work.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2004-11-20 21:38:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i was keeping an eye on this to see if anyone else was going to shoot it some props.
if i was boredatwork, i'd like to read this.
Submitted by Nomad (user info) at 2004-11-20 21:34:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-11-20 20:10:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
You've been on Uber for quite a while, why haven't I read your stuff?!
That's it, I'm changing my outer name.
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You haven't read any of my stuff because basically, until recently most of my posts are whiney little bitch posts.
Update: She just came over to my place. I was watching my two cousins (aged 4 and 9). We had dinner, played connect four, watched brother bear. We layed around on the couch with our feet touching and when she left we kissed.
And to reiterate how much of a little pussy I am, I acctually asked if I could have one more.
Point: I'm working on it. Baby steps. Baby steps. One day at a time.
Hahahahaa.... I'm totally fucked.
Submitted by funkchomper (user info) at 2004-11-20 20:33:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Men of the world salute you tonight. Funn-ay.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-11-20 20:10:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You've been on Uber for quite a while, why haven't I read your stuff?!
That's it, I'm changing my outer name.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-11-20 20:01:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Was this not the best random venting ever or what?!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2004-11-20 15:06:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
definately holds true.
still, i've never had to deal with douchebags and tampons. it all evens out.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-11-20 12:58:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel your pain. This is true everywhere there are men and women. And don't I know it.
Submitted by lovetohate (user info) at 2004-11-20 12:43:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a chick, and for some reason, even though it goes against everything I have ever believed in, I agree with you. Good luck on getting laid.
Submitted by Nomad (user info) at 2004-11-20 12:30:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hehehe. Sofa, you are a funny bastard.
Yeah, yeah I do manage to be awesome yet suck ass at the same time. Story of my life.
Maybe I just need to go get laid.
HAHAHAHAHAA... Fucking hilarious!
Submitted by Sofa_Ace (user info) at 2004-11-20 12:26:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It seems like you weren't satisfying your ex, and she went out on a little sex binge, and is now ready to find a normal guy again (Just talking out of my ass, I don't know your ex. I mean, I fucked her, but i don't really know her).
On the other hand, you've finally realized that it's ok to treat women like shit because they will treat you like shit (and enjoy it).
You've managed to kick ass and suck at the same time. Amazing.
P.S. in a couple of months you'll be on here like "I found the girl of my dreams! I'm so in love! except she doesn't really like to have sex... and she doesn't give good head either." HAHa. sorry.