The Night The Entire Superdome Damn Near Blew Chunks (786 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ferretnose (View user info) at 2004-11-20 19:08:57 EST
The following was witnessed by myself and my cousin, watching safely from the cheap seats in a non-particpatory fashion.
Place: A packed Louisiana Superdome, New Orleans, early 1990's.
In giddy anticipation, masses of rabid fans await what is sure to be the most kickass event ever- Metallica, Guns-N-Roses, and Faith No More. The air is rife with Aquanet, B.O., and Exclamation perfume. The smell of reefer occasionally wafts from the balconies. Van Halen is playing over the loudspeakers.
Above the stage is a massive video screen, flashing colors and probably sending LSD junkies into convulsive orbit. Suddenly, the overhead lights go out, and a wavelike cheer travels through the Dome. Is it time? Are the gawds of metal (except Faith No More) about to descend upon the stage? No, not just yet, but things suddenly get more exciting. Apparently, a central camera is being panned all around the crowd, with the pictures being transmitted onto the giant screen above the stage.
A giant pair of firm looking hooters fills the screen, then zooms out to show a blonde groupie type chick dressed in leathers flashing the crowd, and camera. "YEEEAAAHHH!", the whole Superdome roars with approval. The camera makes a few passes around, then settles momentarily on another "hottie", who is not only flashing, but bouncing up and down. "WOOOHOOO!", comments the Superdome crowd, en masse. As more and more drunk sluts realize the opportunity for a video op, shirts go up and tight jeans go down, as the Superdome cheers for each one as they show on screen.
Whoever is controlling the camera must be having a ball. At this point, each time the giant screen displays a perky ass or boob, the cheer of the crowd has become unintelligible: "YYYEEEEAAHHHWWOOOHOOO!!!!", it roars, and then subsides until the next eyefull pops up. With each fleshy cinematographic encounter, the tableaux becomes more risque' and outrageous.
A couple of attractive faux lesbians, kissing and fondling each other, comes into focus on the screen. The camera zooms right up close. Now the Superdome is in mass hysteria (remember, this is the early 90's), stomping and screaming. "AAAAAHHHHYYYEEEAAAAHHHHHWOOOOOOHOOOOO!", like a mighty ocean wave rises the adulation, then diminishes as the camera resumes it's search for more live soft-core porn. A hush falls over the Metal Militia as it anticipates the cameraman's next nubile starlet. What could be next? Full frontal nudity? Security is walking around trying to discourage likely participants.
Without warning, a strange objects or object fills the screen, it's margins indeterminate. It is flat and pasty white, and decorated with a crudely executed butterfly. There is an ominous dark line down it's middle. It begins to gyrate obscenely. A deadly hush falls over the superdome, as realization dawns on the crowd. It is a big fat ass, wrinkled and deflated, apparently female. The multitude of voyeurs freeze in dismay. The camera operator, who must have a penchant for the grotesque, zooms in closer...Then, two chubby hands with red chipped polish on the ghastly talons reaches around and spreads the cheeks, revealing the hairy horror within.
The Superdome becomes a biblically proportioned chorus of the damned, retching and collectively almost pulling it's teased-up hair out. "AAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!", it cries, it's lamentation reaching up unto the heavens and arousing the Saints (Not the Football team) from their holy repose. Eyeballs melt and brains explode, just like on Raiders of the Lost Ark. Then the screen finally goes blank, mercifully obscuring the unclean spectacle.
Then everybody laughed their asses off until the bands came out.
P.S.
Metallica and G-N-R rocked. Faith No More sucked really bad.
Regards,
FerretNose
User Reviews
Submitted by PWNstar (user info) at 2004-11-21 03:25:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Faith No More had that "Epic" song which i'm sure they played. "Easy" isnt that bad either, probably just not good at a concert with G and R and Metallica
Hey, at least Guns and Roses decided to play
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-11-21 03:02:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
sounds entertaining
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-11-20 23:57:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw that tour in Washington DC. Summer of '93.
Now, here's a joke:
What has 9 arms and sucks?
Def Leppard
Submitted by ZeroSignal (user info) at 2004-11-20 22:26:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Faith No More kicks the shit out of Metallica. Now, anyway.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-11-20 22:04:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sweet jesus.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-11-20 20:51:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good descriptions.
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2004-11-20 19:57:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Superb
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-11-20 19:52:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I peed a little.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-11-20 19:46:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's weird. It's like something out of that twilighty show about
that zone.
-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror VI
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-11-20 19:29:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
scary...
It's nice to see you back.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2004-11-20 19:26:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"AAAAAHHHHYYYEEEAAAAHHHHHWOOOOOOHOOOOO!"
BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Don't make fun of my mum's ass. That was her proudest moment.