A solution to the ageing population problem (and it's not killing and eating the oldies) (933 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.53 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by shandythedog (View user info) at 2004-11-20 21:43:29 EST
Everyone knows we have this problem of too many old people.
One solution being proposed is raising the age of retirement, ie make everyone work longer.
But I have a much better idea. One that would in fact allow us all to retire onto comfortable government pensions by the age of about 40 (coincidentally, my age).
This idea came to me as a result of the 18 mths I have recently spent caring for my infant son. (As some of you know, I have taken extended leave from my beloved workplace just to be there for the little fellow. It's a tremendous sacrifice, of course, but true fatherly love is never selfish.)
Anyway, I've been observing the little chap closely and have been struck that even at the tender age of 4 he already has most of the basic equipment needed for adult life. And I don't just mean the huge penis he inherited from dad.
He can talk about many different subjects, he can reason, he can add 2 and 2, he can write his own name, he can make a sandwich, he can operate a tv and a computer, he can ride a bike, he can wipe his own bottom. All he really needs is more vocabulary, a tiny bit more maths, and a driver's license.
Given that so little extra training is required, why in fuck's name must he attend school six hours a day, Monday to Friday, for the next 13 FUCKING YEARS?? Or if he goes on to 'higher' education, even longer?????
What will he learn at school, apart from reading and writing and some very basic maths, that is any use to him, or that he couldn't just pick up himself? I certainly can't think of anything else I learnt at school that has been useful to me. The periodic table of elements? Protons and neutrons?? The War of the Roses???
God knows how our society has allowed this absurdly expensive, time consuming and pointless system to develop. The thing is, it has to be stopped. It does no good and is economic suicide.
I propose that from the age of five until eleven children attend school for one hour a day, and work for five hours. I don't mean in nasty sweatshops. They could grow food, plant trees, build things, demolish things, paint things, clean things, cook things, invent things, produce movies and entertainment, work in shops and offices, answer telephones, etc etc. As long as there was plenty of variety, and they had a range of options, I'm sure they would be quite happy.
At 12 years old they finish basic schooling and are classified as adults.
The money saved by cuts to the education system, and of course the economic fruits of the youngsters' labours, will enable retirement at 40.
User Reviews
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-14 07:55:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was hilarious.
Reading the comments, I noticed that this is actually 9 months old, and the funny thing is that the "Yes Men" doco that Wiggles mentioned has just been released here at the Centro in Brisbane, so it's probably out now somewhere down south.
Submitted by Tredmond (user info) at 2005-08-14 07:09:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, but I really wanted to eat some old people...
Oh well, that's life.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-11-22 06:52:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Indeed!
I could do with a child to take care of several 'needs' of mine.
StonedSilly is one of those involved with the whole Gibberish dead hoax, he is merely peeved that I saw through it, unfortunately we are forever tarred by association.
About time you suffered for me though, I have been tormented by fetish et al on your behalf for long enough!
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-11-21 22:42:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It's not?
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-11-21 22:35:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I certainly can't think of anything else I learnt at school that has been useful to me. The periodic table of elements?"
There is in fact an excellent social application for the periodic table. Chicks fall for it every time.
When approaching a woman in a bar, instead of using normal english. Give her the numbers from the periodic table that correspond to letters and let her figure it out!
For example;
You walk up and say "2,39, 34, 54,39" which translates to, Helium, Yttrium, Selenium, Xenon, Yttrium which, in periodic terms is....
"HeY SeXeY"
Chicks love it so much. Man, i have so many chicks cos of this, seriously...
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-11-21 22:11:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed.
-Davros
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-11-21 16:53:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-11-20 23:23:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
I truly think that we should all go back to living like the Indians. Sure, they scalped a few people here and there, but some of those Indian tribes really had the whole "society" thing down pat.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-11-21 07:25:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck me dead, i can't believe i used teh word 'workplace'.
even in an ironic context, this is a BIG worry.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2004-11-21 03:49:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good idea.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/49991
People dont take school seriously enough to learn anything anyways.
Submitted by PWNstar (user info) at 2004-11-21 03:39:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking genius. My, imagine what we would do with that kind of time. Also, think of it like this. No kid has shit worthwhile to spend it on.
Now, lets say that nearly all of that cash earned is invested (probably by the parent, hoping that parent is responsible). think for a second how that shit would compound over the years from such a young age. Fucking country of millionaires my friend.
too bad its too drastic of an infrastructure change.
Submitted by LexLutherin (user info) at 2004-11-21 03:26:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just tell everyone that if we don't do it this way the terrorists win.
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Submitted by Sofa_Ace (user info) at 2004-11-20 23:13:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
"And get rid of those pesky school zones. 15 miles per hour my ass."
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Yeah! Fuck school zones!
Submitted by mike18 (user info) at 2004-11-21 01:17:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I want a job planting trees.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-11-21 01:09:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think a lot of people people rating this are missing the humor. Well done.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-11-21 00:50:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
stoned silly, are you a Brand New Enemy, or just an old one with a different name?
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-11-21 00:22:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
That's probably because idiots can't pay attention.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-11-20 23:49:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
sofa ace, good thinking re. teaching them to cross the road
poly - i'm not angry, just upset. how could that nasty stoned silly say i've been circle jerking on a SUNDAY!!! that's so offensive.
wiggles - funny you should mention the indians, i was going to do a post about that very topic. not the american indians per se, but hunter gatherer society in general.
when i was younger we looked on it very romantically, then i became cynical, but recently i was thinking about it again and there really IS a lot to be said for it.
i haven't seen that movie, but will look out for it. in a couple of months i should have a new computer so maybe i can even download it somehow.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-11-20 23:38:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shandy! You need to see this documentary called "The Yes Men" (link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0379593/)
I'm not certain that you'll like it, and I don't even know if it's available anywhere near you. It was only playing in about 30 theaters in the U.S., so I was lucky to get a glimpse of it. A good bit of the movie is set at a conference in Australia, so maybe there's a theater showing it somewhere Down Under?
Anyway, I really wanted to know your opinion of it.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-11-20 23:23:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I truly think that we should all go back to living like the Indians. Sure, they scalped a few people here and there, but some of those Indian tribes really had the whole "society" thing down pat.
And about the periodic table of elements - IT'S HOGWASH! Chemistry should be BANNED from schools!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-11-20 23:16:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA!
Shandy's claws are out tonight.
I still say Soylent Green wouldn't taste that bad.
Submitted by Sofa_Ace (user info) at 2004-11-20 23:13:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Genius, old chap. Also, instead of P.E. (yea, cause in America we need to train kids how to exercise properly, for all that exercsing they're going to be doing in their adult lives.) we'll teach a "walking across the street" course. That way we can lay off the crossing guards, and get rid of those pesky school zones. 15 miles per hour my ass.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-11-20 22:36:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and there's also the problem that none of the posts of yours i just looked at were able to hold my attention long enough to get to the end
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-11-20 22:31:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ooh, stoned silly, you are so nasty i'm going to go and minus 2 all your posts
oh wait, my rankings don't count
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-11-20 22:23:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
go circle jerk with apollo and write something entertaining.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-11-20 22:10:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
there is something very Oliver Twist about this