rent-a-cops (630 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.38 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by disgruntled (View user info) at 2004-11-22 00:56:24 EST
Geez, what the hell is wrong with campus police? Do they *EVER* use their brains?
What they've said to me/believe in:
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1) Jebus is our savior.
2) God makes airplanes fly.
3) Jebus is acting through them in an effort to reach out to me (either that or they just wanna act like a priest and ass rape me).
What they look like:
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1) Ugly
2) Ugly
3) Ugly
4) Body ratio of 1:2:1 (Upper body:Ass:Legs), for chic rent-a-cop, it's 3:5:3.
5) Old enough to be senile--how the fuck are they supposed to chase a criminal down with a raging arthritis?
What they act like:
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1) Super heros: Defenders of all that is good and educational. Captain College.
2) Have rods up their asses. Super heros need to be arrogant.
3) Pretend to be helpful, but wouldn't mind stabbing you in the back.
4) Snitch on each other.
5) Sleep on their posts (maybe I should snap a photo and send it to the college papers.)
See most of the time their defense for pushing around students is that 'they're simply following orders.' Well guess what fuckers? The voices inside of me are ordering me to fuck with you. I got orders, too! A little bit of uber voices won't hurt either. Any suggestions on how to fuck with their minds, while still remaining in the legal zone?
User Reviews
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-06-06 22:14:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
For many reasons, they just can't cut it, on the streets of the real world.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-11-22 13:28:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
spook - what you're referring to is the designated decoy.
at closing time at the bar, when everyone's getting ready to drunk drive home, have the sober guy do what you described. and walk over a car, and struggle to find his keys, then have him drive away properly. the cops will undoubtedly pull him over, if they're watching, while the real drunkd rivers get away fine.
this works every time, especially aroudn college bars where there is always a cop watching the door.
Switch a sugar coated doughnut with an aspestos coated one
awesome.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2004-11-22 08:40:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Act real drunk while drinking a cup of coke on the sidewalk. Stumble and fall over and shit. Then, blow a perfect 0.00 on the breath test. Don't expect them to find those 13 year old ghetto kids that stole your stereo though. I know from experience.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-11-22 04:56:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
could you not just ignore them?
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-11-22 04:34:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I guess I missed the part where this was supposed to be good, but I also hate campus police.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2004-11-22 04:13:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Jesus i have to leave a +2 for Tigres responce lol
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2004-11-22 02:35:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Tigre... I'm so disturbed by the length of that list. Seriously honey, too much time on your hands.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-11-22 01:39:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Theres some of the oldschool methods like:
Ordering pizza they don't want
Licking all the sugar off the doughnuts when nobody is watching
Stick a dried dog turd in with a box of chocolate eclairs
Switch a sugar coated doughnut with an aspestos coated one
Tie their shoelaces together
Switch the head of a stuffed animal if one exists
Completely move their post around/move the room 180 degrees
Put plastic bags in the toe of their boots so they can't get them on, and wonder why it's so tight
Get ahold of their wallet, and put small pictures of extreme hardcore porn inside
Instead of coffee grounds, put ketchup in the filter when nobody is watching
Replace ketchup with ground up dried dog turds for a much more rewarding, lasting aroma
Smear the entire roof of their post with dog turds
Buy a bigmac meal, eat it, and take dried dog turds, spraypaint them yellow, and put them in the fry box, while you put a dry coil inside the sandwhich box
Smear poo on the earpiece of the phone(crap is hard to get out of your ear)
Put dried dog turds in the toe of their boot
There are alot more, but you'll have to pay me if you'd like me to divulge anymore.