Two Things That Needed To Be Done...And I Did Them In One Day (681 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.06 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (View user info) at 2004-11-22 02:14:40 EST
I had finished yelling at George Lucas about how much he sucks for making sequals to movies that don't need sequals and for making Star Wars episode's 1 & 2 suck. And I told him that the only way he could begin his own redemption would be to get Quintin Terintino to guest direct one crucial scene in Episode 3. It would be of Obi One, Anakin, Yoda, The Emporer, and Shaft...er..uh...Mace Windu together in one room...with Jar Jar Binks tied to a chair. Then "Stuck In The Middle With You" would start playing as they cut off Jar Jar's ear and then douse him with gasoline. Because that could be the unifying scene that everyone would rejoice over.
Before I could continue I got interrupted by a phone call. Lucas told me not to worry and that I would like Indiana Jones 4. I told him to go fuck himself and then stabbed him in the eye with a spork.
"Hello" I answered the phone and immediatly this dude on the other line starts yelling at me, "Fuck man! You guys are all so fucked up and won't stop your sinning. A little piece isn't going to do it as far as a 'sacrifice to me' goes. Yeah, I want you to go and fucking castrate every middle child in america, no one gives a shit about them anyways!"
I found out later that he was trying to get a hold of some guy named Abraham or some shit like that. "Don't worry man, I got you covered! In fact I'll do you one better! I'll castrate AMERICA ITSELF!!"
So I went to a cheap Hardware Store, bought a saw, drove to Florida, and sawed it off from the rest of the country.
"Good Job" that guy told me (oddly enough it was right after I finished with the saw...it's like this guy was "all knowing" or something). But yeah he told me "Nice job...but where are you guys going to send old people to die now?"
I told him that they all flock to Vegas during the Winter and what goes to Vegas should stay in Vegas.
User Reviews
Submitted by rhi (user info) at 2004-11-22 15:22:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly :
If I took some hedgeclippers to your dick and told you I was about to castrate you, would you argue?
----------------------------
If you took hedgeclippers to my dick, we'd be living in a parallel universe where I HAD a dick, so I'd be too busy looking for the doubles to all my friends like in Sliders. :)
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2004-11-22 14:54:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
-1 because castration is ball removal.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If I took some hedgeclippers to your dick and told you I was about to castrate you, would you argue?
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-11-22 13:41:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Richard Roundtree = the REAL Shaft.
Submitted by rhi (user info) at 2004-11-22 13:29:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
+1 for making me smile
-1 for the trite "Jar-Jar should die" joke
-1 because castration is ball removal.
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2004-11-22 13:12:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by gbusman (user info) at 2004-11-22 03:05:07 (#)
Ranking: -2
Postpone the judgement until you see ep 3. Then, when you see 1-6, you will be completely amazed and all will be right with the world again.
-Bus
I don't insult Episode 3, and it maybe should be you that postpones your judgement until ep. 3 (I hope it doesn't suck)
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2004-11-22 13:09:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
-2 for the spork thing. back in the day, just saying spork was funny. not anymore.
+3 for castrating a land mass.
if florida is a big dick, does that make puerto rico (and the other isles) cumstains?
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-11-22 03:28:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good energy
Submitted by gbusman (user info) at 2004-11-22 03:05:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Postpone the judgement until you see ep 3. Then, when you see 1-6, you will be completely amazed and all will be right with the world again.
-Bus
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-11-22 02:54:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I suppose it could have been worse.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-11-22 02:51:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by Phate (user info) at 2004-11-22 02:28:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
damn, I want my 2 minutes back.
Try again.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2004-11-22 02:26:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and Shaft...er..uh...Mace Windu
haha+2