Chicago, The New Boss and My Right Tit (1291 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.7 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AshK <alkite at gmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-11-22 10:27:46 EST
There's no tit picture, get over it.
Ahh Monday! The beautiful start to the week. A chance to start a project at work
with the thought that I might easily finish it by Friday. A day to arrive fresh
from a weekend of relaxation and hit the ground running.
Of course, for me it is a chance to make a total ass of myself at corporate
headquarters during one of the biggest projects my team has ever tackled.
Which is pretty typical fare for my Mondays, as I am a classic example of what
happens when you are a twat bumbling through everyday living.
I'll try to be brief with the background. I spent last week in Chicago
at the corporate headquarters of the company that finances my high class
lifestyle by providing things like insurance and money to buy bread and bologna.
The reason for my visit was twofold, one: to begin collecting information
on the project my team will need to complete by the end of the 1st quarter 2005,
and two: to meet the newly hired Corporate Director over our department.
I should have sensed danger, when upon arriving at the hotel on
Sunday the receptionist was a little too French for my own good.
Receptionist: I don't zee your name in my zyztem mizz.
Me: Oh, try my maiden name Seavers.
Receptionist: No, no, noosing zere, what iz zee first name please?
Me: Ashley
Receptionist: I only have an Ahzlee Zeavers.
Me: That is it.
Receptionist: Oh, did Ahzlee Zeavers make the reservation under her name?
Me: 15 minutes of explaining the concept of Maiden name vs. married name
while my soul curls up in a small ball and dies.
Back to the point. (Loud cheering from the concentration challenged group)
Our initial meeting to introduce the new director went swimmingly, and
I managed not to make a fool of myself. Mostly because there were 250
other people in the auditorium, and even I can manage to blend in with that many.
After the meeting we all went our separate ways to grab a quick pick me
up and get to work on the project. Most of my team headed out to smoke,
and I headed to the concession area for a cup of coffee. Vending machine coffee,
in those shitty, thin, useless vending machine cups. A cup that the gal in front
of me was handling gingerly by the rim when she ran smack in to me and poured what
must have been 1500 degree cocoa on my right tit.
I maintain that I took the pain stoically, however 10 witnesses say I
screeched like a howler monkey. Whatever. Asswipes. At any rate, let's consider
our reaction to getting burned shall we? In my vast experience with burns brought on by inappropriate
usage of hot things (remember that twat bumbling through everyday living part?)
most folks typically:
A: Shake the burned area
B: Blow on the burned area
C: Put the burned area in their mouth.
I can only be thankful that my bra prevented C, however no such luck with A and B.
Yes, you can picture it, I will forgive you. I grabbed my right tit,
hopped up and down a bit, pulled my shirt away from my chest and tried to blow the
pain off my poor burned boob when around the corner steps our office manager,
three supervisors (including my own), and the new Director.
Humiliation, my friends, is a bitch.
User Reviews
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-09 14:04:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The reviews on this were exactly as I expected them to be. If you were to post this in todays Uber it would get a couple thousand hits easily on the title alone.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-10-25 16:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That sucks. Dumb luck. I hope that other woman appologized profusely. I can only imagine what some hot beverage poured on my crotch would feel like, and since I am hear wincing in agony a the thought of it, I commend you.
Best of luck keeping that precious titty safe from the dangers of ths cruel world, and if you ever need someone to 'stick the afflicted area in their mouth' I am sure you can find someone on Uber for that.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-12-11 16:02:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this-- but you really should have included a tit pic.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-11-22 22:12:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I would also like to reccomend a bucket of ice, clothespins, and a razor strop.
Just some suggestions.
I'm free next week.
Don't blame that lack of innocence on me, miss. I know what Snark did with that baby doll!
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-11-22 20:26:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want a small, soundproof room.
In this room, I want:
AshK
Snark
Ointment
Shackles
My Catholic schoolgirl outfit
The harness Ash keeps talking about
A very large bed, and a very hard floor
Wall mounted video cameras
Anything else that crosses my mind
See what the two of you have done to me? I used to be so pure, so chaste, so innocent...
And now I just want to know what kinds of noises we can make with a bottle of baby oil and assorted root vegetables.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-11-22 14:57:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A little humility is good for most everybody.
Nice job Ash.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-11-22 14:07:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh lordy.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-11-22 14:06:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BOB, you make me laugh.
Snark....slow circles clooooooooooockwise, and slow circles couuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunter clockwise.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-11-22 13:14:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I shook my head and blinked.
Surely it must be an illusion... a post from Ashk... no, that's an urban legend.
It's about as likely as Leprechauns and the toothfairy and one night stands that don't end in murder.
I moved my pointer over the link to click on it but then stopped as fear and suspicion took root.
It must be an imposter. I'm going to click on it and a picture of brutal anal midget torture is going to pop up... or even worse... Schlongy shirtless.
Finally, I took a long swig from the flask in my desk drawer, then squinted and clicked as liquid courage seered through me.
+ fucking 2 for this post.
+ fucking 2 for boobies.
+ fucking 2 because now I can picture you rubbing ointment on it in slow circles...
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-11-22 12:05:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have poured cold water over it.
Can anybody say "wet t-shirt contest?"
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-11-22 11:51:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Pictures would have made for a +2.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-11-22 11:00:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Circe, take pictures.
Mr. Wolf, there will be a charge for that.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-11-22 10:52:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Unlucky... this story was good... I would have liked to have seen you put your boob in your mouth
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-11-22 10:40:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
A geographical location, a man in a position of power and TIT? WHAT AN EXTREMELY CLEVER STORY. STFU CUNT.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-11-22 10:34:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She posted!!!! And it was awesome!!! And it was about her tit!!
About freaking time you wrote something, oh boobéd one.
And now I shall writhe in hedonistic ecstasy while reading your words aloud.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-11-22 10:31:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Woulda been better if you included a pic of the burnt titty. Sorry it's a sickness.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-11-22 10:30:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and then the amusing incident happened?