Wheelchair Weed - the REAL story... (5259 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: weed
Rating: 1.98 on 45 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Kai (View user info) at 2004-11-23 23:24:08 EST
Here's a little story about how I brought Wheelchar Weed to the people....
Everyone who smokes pot has heard about Wheelchair Weed. This is the mythical
super-powered hydroponic weed specially grown in laboratories for glaucoma patients.
Not available in stores, the occasional ultra rare pinner joint would appear in our toking
circle, but divided among a bunch of people, you were lucky to get a real toke. But this
was the holy grail of weed, stolen from someone's friend's aunt's glaucoma victim
neighbor's stash... never available from any dealers, anywhere. Looking back now, I
realize it was all bullshit, but at 13 it was a nice diversion from closing your eyes and
having someone crack an imaginary egg on your head, or "running through the forest" if
ya know what I mean.
Fast forward many years to my living room, where I am introduced to a new customer
named Matt. Matt was new in town, attending the University of British Columbia
studying Biology or Botany or something like that. We sat & smoked, and Matt explained
that he was involved in a project which was basically dropping frozen fertilizer torpedoes
from planes, in the hopes that the force of impact would drive the torpedo deep into the
forest floor. Did I mention that each frozen torpedo contained a tree sapling? The idea
was to put all the tree planters out of work by carpet bombing clearcut woodlots with
these fertilizer sapling bombs. Ah, tax dollars hard at work! HE said his landlord's freezer
was full of moose meat, victims of "friendly fire". We laughed our asses off, then again,
we were stoned...
Matt was a very smart guy, and a chemist. When I showed him some shitty, shitty hash oil
I had made (filtered with charcoal and thusly contaminated, it would often explode when
heated), he offered to help me make oil. This meant beakers, Bunsen burners, pressurized
microfilters, big bottles of some type of a methyl hydrate type substance - everything. He
brought me out of the stone age in one evening. Even tho he never made oil before, he
understood the concept of what we were trying to do, and nailed the recipe. The result
was beautiful honey oil.
He also helped me make hash from plant clippings & shake using a converted washing
machine. That's another story, but the point I am trying to make is that Matt was a totally
solid guy and very very bright. He never let me down!
One night, we were teasing Matt about hogging all the Wheelchair Weed at UBC to
himself, and he said "I wish". He went on to explain that the university itself didn't grow
weed, never did, and that it was all a myth (this was in the days before anyone believed
the phrase "medical marijuana"). He did, however, share one pearl of information.
On the UBC campus, the RCMP maintained a very large forensics laboratory in
cooperation with the university, including a facility where they grow pot. Lots of pot. Tall
sativa, short indica, and everything in between. Meticulously grown. He went on to
explain that when the vice squad sell drugs to criminals in undercover operations etc. they
have to make sure that it is not contaminated, so they can't use old pot seized in past
raids, because they have no idea where it comes from. Plus, over time, weed breaks down,
and they have to have grade A product, not dusty dried out old shit. So yes, once in a
while, high powered clinical weed does actually make it to street level, but it's usually
right before someone gets busted bigtime. We were fascinated.
He'd been inside the facility, seen the plants and grow rooms. He told me later that he
regularly worked in that building, and regretted mentioning it. I told him to realx, and I
told my friends to shut the fuck up about it. The only person to drone on about it to Matt was me.
Was there any possible way of getting me a seed from some super strain? NO - no seeds,
female plants only, everything is propagated by cuttings. Could he get me a clone? Maybe
even just snap me off a couple of leaves & I'll take care of the rest? Nope, no way, there
were cameras EVERYWHERE, and if he were ever caught doing anything untoward in
the RCMP lab, he's be charged as well as kicked out of school. He was very sorry, but he
just couldn't do it.
Time went by. I didn't mention it much, but Matt know I would give anything for a seed
or a clone of Wheelchair Weed. But, Matt was a good guy, so I didn't hassle him. One
day Matt got a call from his mother in Montreal - his father had passed away from a
stroke. Matt was devastated. He was an only kid (older bro had dies years earlier), and
his Mom was in her 70's already living in a care home. He had no money to fly home,
and was fucked. He almost joined his Dad when I counted out thirty $100 bills and told
him to fly home ASAP. He may have blinked once, but took the money and ran.
That changed things between us. When he got back, he vowed to pay me back, but I just
didn't see him around much - no worries, I had made a ton of cash from the hash washer,
not to mention the money I made selling hash washers to other people. And the oil! Can't
forget that. I didn't mention the Wheelchair Weed. I figured 3 grand was a donation to Karma. It sure was....
It was a rainy pissy night in November when there was a knock at the door. It was Matt.
He was smiling and drunk. He immediately held out his hand, which contained a wadded up piece of
wet toilet paper.... and two little sprouts. He handed it to me and didn't say a word other
than "This is #7", just turned on his heel and walked away.
The babies grew and grew. Nice plants, but nothing special. Matt came by and helped me
make cuttings, and explained that #7 was the notorious for it's potency, and was by far
the best dope in the lab. I actually thought the plant was a bit spindly... but spindly was
good.
It started just after the light cycle changed from 18 to 10 hours on per day. The plants
went INSANE. individual branches went to bud and SOLIDIFIED with surrounding
branches, 12" clones turned into solid softball bat sized colas. STINKY as all
hell, the buds were only sticky on the inside, the rest being a mass of crystals on green, looked like regular buds rolled in icing sugar.. OUTSTANDING DOPE.
I now had Wheelchair Weed. Certified, bonafide, whatever. I grew that strain for
YEARS. Sure, it mutated over time, but to this day it is still AWESOME. I still have
some seed from some plants I stressed into hermaphroditism, maybe I'll plant some
outdoors this spring, just for fun.... we'll see.
So, yes Virginia, Wheelchair Weed does exist. And I am it's Unholy Master!
User Reviews
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-15 18:08:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nigger
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-26 18:23:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
surprised this got so few hits.
Submitted by 2x4fun (user info) at 2005-06-26 18:21:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why is your shit always awesome!!!
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-26 18:08:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's the coolest looking pillow I have ever seen
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-06-26 17:58:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A very interesting story. If only I had friends like you.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-06-06 18:49:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dont know how I missed this story
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-05-17 02:34:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is too awesome to go unrecognized, comming from a non smoking alcoholic.
Banga
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-05-17 01:57:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why is that? It's already banned on Google... http://www.ubersite.com/m/66029
Govt. secrets revealed!
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-05-17 00:36:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Posting this on ube was the smartest thing you'll ever do.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-05-17 00:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had some crazy ass W2 federally grown in Cali, but I lost the connection.
I need your help. Comment in one of my posts or here.
By the way, congratulations.
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-05-10 12:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
three of my favorite things in one picture.
i love you.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-05-10 11:59:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know too much about marijuana. Good post.
Submitted by podium (user info) at 2005-03-22 23:35:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-01-11 16:34:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And God said "Let there be weed!"
Best story evar!
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-01-10 17:08:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So how does a girl go about purchasing some of that from ya, hon? *wink*
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2005-01-03 04:18:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
can't.... stop.... salivating....
Submitted by FreshPrince (user info) at 2004-12-30 19:12:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Medical Marijuana...
That's all I smoke down here in cali
Submitted by thricepalermo (user info) at 2004-12-02 11:44:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1 for the writing and 1 for the picture.
If we could go higher I would.
Submitted by MrRottenTreats (user info) at 2004-11-29 12:52:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
did u get that picture off the necro site?
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-11-24 20:10:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the Pic and the story and the fact that we live in the same place.
Submitted by hyprspacd (user info) at 2004-11-24 13:08:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...
Submitted by big_wigger (user info) at 2004-11-24 12:59:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i just creamed myself
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-11-24 11:20:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry Todd, I post my shit at night & just don't think... I apologize. You deserve better!
Submitted by toddska (user info) at 2004-11-24 11:11:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck Kai...NSFW for fucks sake.
Those bills will get me sacked.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-11-24 10:40:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-11-24 10:15:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the picture alone, cause it's the three things I'd kill for...
___________________________________________________________________
You'd kill for plastic bags, warhammer scenery and pillows?
Damn, me too...
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-11-24 10:15:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the picture alone, cause it's the three things I'd kill for...
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2004-11-24 08:46:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmmmmm.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-11-24 08:16:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's some green bud.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-11-24 06:36:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I be your vegas connection?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-11-24 06:33:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I want some.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-11-24 06:22:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellence on a stick.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-11-24 06:19:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Seen the photo before, but the story is cool.
Check out Nebula for a gorgeous looking hybrid... Looks like it's covered in early morning dew.
http://www.seedjoint.com/Images/Cannabis_Seeds/PDS_Nebula_L.jpg
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-11-24 06:18:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-11-24 03:36:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my sweet.
Have you read the part in Reefer Madness by Eric Schlosser where he goes to that obsessive grower with the basement greenhouse? That's the kind of shit, i guess!
Submitted by RouteTwo (user info) at 2004-11-24 02:34:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jarvis (user info) at 2004-11-23 23:44:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
How much for a half?
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This post kicked WAY too much ass. Do you ever do any "buildering" around campus there at UBC? (http://www.buildering.net). That's also one of the prettiest pictures I've ever seen--besides the dirty stripper-vag.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-11-24 00:18:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great.
It can probably only be truely appreciated by fellow pot smokers.
I really have to get that cd in the mail...I need to sample.
#7 would probably fare quite well hydroponically in New Jersey with a couple of high-pressure sodiums and some rockwool...
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-11-24 00:16:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my god I can't wait until I plant this shit. All I need to do is find a place to grow it!
Lil' L (my girl on the inside) sent me some solid instructions on how to get the job done proper. Currently assumbling the items necessary for my hydro ops.
There is a post in the making. Don't worry K, I won't let ya down.
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2004-11-24 00:16:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy christ.
Care to send some seeds this way? I'll be a Jr. in the Ontario Division. I'm not kidding, email me.
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2004-11-24 00:02:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've heard bits and pieces about wheelchair weed over the past few years, but I never really gave much thought to it. You should post a picture of the plants sometime.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2004-11-23 23:46:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In the southern hemisphere we have the fabled Poly Pot a leafless plant that grows like a cacti of silver head some say its a myth, others say its wicked weed. i like the picture BTW she has a nice smile.
Submitted by Jarvis (user info) at 2004-11-23 23:44:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How much for a half?
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2004-11-23 23:41:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ALERT THE AUTHORITIES
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-11-23 23:35:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I sent _Q_ some seeds, ask him too. He's a Jr. Unholy Master of Wheelchair Weed (Alberta Div.)
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-11-23 23:32:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
All seriousness aside..
Was this true? Because if so..this kicked ass.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-11-23 23:32:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Coupla questions
1) Will you Marry me?
2) Can I suck your cock/clit?
3) If I told you my mother was going to die if she didn't toke some of that, would you share it with me..er..Her?
4) Will you marry me?