Dentistry: Satan's little magic (504 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -0.67 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by vajokki (View user info) at 2004-11-24 02:04:14 EST
O! Let thy rejoice. Its six months already, time to go to you-know-where. Twice a year...eh, not so bad right?
Well no. Not that bad. After all you get someone ELSE to criticize your brushing and flossing ability. Its just so hard to look at yourself in the mirror and say "Damn you, you suck at hygiene. You floss like a little Somalian boy who just saw a teeth cleaning apparatus for the first time." I always need a professional to say my teeth aren't up to par. After all, its the DENTIST. A saint of our society. God bless this healthcare professional. Don't get me wrong, I like doctors and chiropractors and the other people that massage and touch your body parts, but dentists...
Dentistry is the art of sadism. I'm going to get my teeth cleaned, God damn you, not to be reasurred the there actually are pain receptors in my mouth. Douchbag.
Tuesday, 4:00 pm. Dental appointment. Maybe I should have accepted Jesus or whatever that guy was and this would not happen.
A small, tidy little office. Pictures of the dentist holding giant fish he catches. Well that's reassuring, he's damn good with a fly reel, so he must be talented with the dental drill.
The orthodontist/assistant/secretary/whatever woman is there. Small annoying Hungarian woman. Her accent and her broken English bothers me. Well, she can't speak or understand English that well, but that shouldn't impair her ability to do...whatever she does.
I sit in the dentist chair...with that damn bib thing on my neck. God I hate those. I wait for what seems like eternity listening to 'muzak' playing. This isn't an elevator, god damn it. Turn that shit off.
Hark! Thy dentist appears.
Dentist: "Hey how are doing,"
Vajokki: "Uh, Hey-"
Dentist: "Shut up and open your mouth boy."
The chair pushes back. Allllllllll the way. My spine cracks. What is this, the goddamn Inquisition? Well....
Dentist: "Oh wow, it looks much better this time."
Vajokki: "I clean them better every night just to spite you for the next visit"
Dentist: "You little bastard"
Vajokki: "Wait, I didn't say anything, I said that in my head.."
Dentist: "I can hear your thoughts, muahahahahahahahaha Satan grants many gifts! Bwaaahahahaha! Nice molar work, bitch"
Vajokki: "Just because my mouth is open doesn't mean yours needs to be. Shut up and clean me."
Dentist: "OH-HO! LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE NEEDS A ROOT CANAL! MAAAHAHAHA!" (Dentist continues scraping my gums until they bleed and pool in the back of my throat. He doesn't put the vacuum thingy back there to suck it all up, my reasons believing he enjoys the sight of blood, more evidence of his sadistic nature)
Vajokki: "No, there's nothing there-"
Dentist: "ONE CAVITY TWO CAVITY THREE CAVITY FOUR! LET ME GET THE DRILL! BAAAAAAAAAAAHA!"
Chains shoot out of the wall. They padlock me to the chair making me immobile. I wish I rescheduled this. I'm missing a good porn on the Spice channel.
Dentist: "DON'T SQUIRM, THIS WILL ONLY HURT A MOMENT!!!"
Vajokki: "That's not a drill though- is that a jigsaw????"
Dentist: "AAHAHAHAHA!!11111111111111111111"
The orthodontist/assistant/Hungarian/whore woman brings a tray of torture devices to the dentist's side. Torture devices? I mean dental equipment.
Satan stands in the little rooms, sitting on the sink, laughing, giggling, and pissing hot-flaming-piss of pleasure. Dentists- nothing more that cruel demons working under the will of Satan.
Fuck it. I'm going to be a Buddhist. You can kill people and nobody will suspect such a calm peaceful man.
User Reviews
Submitted by cheesedick (user info) at 2004-11-24 06:13:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"Douchbag."
fucking idiot
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-11-24 05:30:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Liked it. Good first post. First posts usaully dive and then consecutive posts improve from then on... especally if they are about how awesome England is (auto 2+.
Good Luck!
Submitted by MoneyG (user info) at 2004-11-24 02:45:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
seen better.