Blind Dates Should Be Blind More Often….. (939 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.87 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Philst82 <Philipdstubbs.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-11-24 11:44:28 EST
Being a bit down on my luck recently, with regard to women, when a certain flatmate of mine suggested that we should do this charity blind dating thing, I thought "Why the hell not?" What's the worst that could happen? Well I'll tell you.
This event was organised the university to go to the street children of India and Africa, or so the ticket said. What in effect happens is you go along, fill in a form, and hand over 5 English pounds for these people to hook you up with your perfect match. Soon after you get sent e-mails and text messages, so that you and your date can organise to go out. Sounds like a great idea doesn't it?
So I go along, fill in my form, tick all the right boxes and hand over my money. One of the boxes asked "which celebrity would you like to date?", and I duly ticked the Cameron Diaz box. A few hours later, I get my e-mail giving me the details of my date and a long list of the things we get to do cheaply because we're being charitable. So I get in touch with my date, pick a nice restaurant and sort out an evening plan. Everything is going well up to this point...
My flatmates, being the ever inquisitive types, fail to see the point of "blind" dates. They had also signed up and looked up their dates with a quick tap of their details into Google. They found out very little, one had got a French girl, and the other didn't appear to exist, however when they typed in my date's details they must have found something because there was definite.... snickering. Not wanting to know I refused look at this new research, wanting my blind date to be just that.... blind.
With the snickering getting ever closer to outright ridiculing, the night of the date was upon us. I put on a shirt, tidied myself up went off to meet this girl. As I got nearer to the restaurant I spotted a girl on her own outside. First impression, this girl was most certainly not Cameron Diaz. In fact try to imagine as far removed from Cameron Diaz as possible, without going into hideous deformities, and you pretty much have my date. Having said that she had most definitely eaten all the pies, and the pasties, most of the cakes and washed it all down with a mug of liquidised pork fat.
But it was ok, I thought. Trying to stay positive, I hoped that she'd be fun to talk to; larger women generally have quite sunny outlooks on life and are fun to be around, right? Wrong. Trying to stay away from the whole, who are you and what's your life story routine that most dates have, I tried asking her what her opinions on several current events were. Having been recently forced to read a small amount of "Heat magazine" (and washing my eyes thoroughly afterwards, as directed), I felt confident that I could chat about mindless celebrity drivel. I got nothing. Just conversation killer after conversation killer.
So maybe gossip wasn't her thing? How about what normal people read in the news? Well apparently she doesn't take much of an interest in politics, or sport, or in fact anything current, so that one was a dead end. At this point I'm struggling so I revert back to asking her about herself, and I managed to get something from her. She's an engineer (a physicist paired with an engineer? Who'd have thought it???), and she takes an interest in the theatre. Finally something to talk about, her being a stage technician and how she got involved with that... apparently she collects scaffolding, which is not as interesting as you might have thought.
Anyway by the time our food arrives, I've exhausted most of my stories good for a first date, and I can't bear to listen to another tale of scaffolding. And the worst part was if I didn't talk, we sat there in awkward silence. Next plan, we'd get drunk, see if that loosens her up??! And nope she said she wasn't going to drink tonight. And frustration began to creep in, as I found myself screaming on the inside, knowing that I had to spend the evening with this hepher, who seemed to have had a personality bypass. Considering faking my own death as a way out, I suggested we move on after the meal to a bar, and then to the charity after party, where all the other couples were going (and hopefully someone to save me...). By the time we made it there I'd had enough. I wasn't drunk and had decided that I couldn't be bothered to talk to her anymore. My flatmates arrived, and I have never hated them more. One had the most beautiful girl on his arm that I have seen in a long time, the other had a passable French girl, who was pretty much up for anything. And there was me, with my fat ugly and boring girl.
Eventually I managed to excuse myself from her, and not gone back, ending what had been 4 of the most painful hours of my life. Honestly it would have been more fun if we'd both been blind. Oh and if anyone from Rendezvous is reading this, I want my £5 back. Bastards. After you've seen her, you'll wish you were blind too.
User Reviews
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-02-21 21:38:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She's an engineer (a physicist paired with an engineer? Who'd have thought it???), and she takes an interest in the theatre. Finally something to talk about, her being a stage technician and how she got involved with that... apparently she collects scaffolding, which is not as interesting as you might have thought.
___________________________
OH FUCKING SHIT. That sounds like a female copy of me.
So I'm going to attract ugly dullards for all eternity; wonderful.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-02-21 21:21:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why'd you put a picture of Cameron Diaz at the bottom of the post?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-19 19:21:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us
from the animals. Except the weasel.
-- Homer Simpson
Boy-Scoutz n the Hood
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-11-24 16:10:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's the beauty inside that counts.
The beauty way way way deeeep down inside.
Except when it comes to me.
Submitted by Philst82 (user info) at 2004-11-24 12:34:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hairy, that's her.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-11-24 12:26:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i dont get the picture
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-11-24 12:09:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For your trouble.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-11-24 12:00:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny.
-Davros
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-11-24 12:00:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What's wrong with collecting scaffolds?
Seriously?
I mean, c'mon, scaffolds are COOL!
Think of the sex gymnasium you could build...
Um, yeah...
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2004-11-24 11:51:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"And there was me, with my fat ugly and boring girl."
That made me laugh out loud.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2004-11-24 11:50:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I meant ironic, and +2
apologies...
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-11-24 11:49:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile (+1)
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2004-11-24 11:49:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Thats awful...dating sucks. Too bad it can't seem to be avoided.
And how I ronic is it that this was at the bottom of the page?:
Wait a minute, Marge. I saw "Mrs. Doubtfire." This is a man in drag!
-- Homer Simpson
Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(annoyed grunt)ocious
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-11-24 11:48:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, that was kick-fucking-ass.
2+ for so many reasons
Your english = auto 2+
'she had most definitely eaten all the pies, and the pasties, most of the cakes and washed it all down with a mug of liquidised pork fat.' even if the rest of the post was drivel, this would have had its sins forgiven
'she collects scaffolding' HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA