Letters From A University Girlfriend (1896 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.62 on 62 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Iago (View user info) at 2004-11-27 08:19:43 EST
October 4th
Dearest Stuart,
I have only been here for one day, but I already miss you so much. Everything is so strange and new, and I long for the days when we would walk by the river, arm in arm.
I haven't got to know anyone properly yet - I'm in halls with about ten other people on my corridor. The only one who seems really nice is Carol, the girl who lives next door to me. We had a chat this morning and I'm sure we're going to be great friends. The boy who lives down at the end of the corridor is REALLY annoying - his name's Crispin or something and he's always playing his music really loudly, getting really drunk and singing along at the top of his voice. Someone set all the fire extinguishers off at 2am last night and I'm sure it was him. Carol said we should report him but I'm not sure. I don't want to make any enemies this early on!
Anyway PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE write back as soon as you can and come to visit me. (I know it's a long way but PLEASE come and see me). Nor seeing you is driving me mad.
All of my love forever my darling,
Sarah,
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
October 9th
Dear Stuart,
Thanks so much for your LOVELY LOVELY latter my little bunny. It made me cry (I know, I'm SO soppy!). I read it over and over again and it was like you were in my little room with me.
Gosh! What a week! I've been SO busy with all my lectures and tutorials and everything. I was worried that it would be too much work for me but Carol (the girl next door) said that if we made a really detailed timetable and stick to it, then we'll be okay. So thanks to Carol!
That idiot Crispin is in my sociology class, work luck! He's such a pain! He's always making jokes (which aren't in the least bit funny) and making silly noises to distract Professor Shirovski when he's trying to speak. I hope he gets thrown off the course.
Anyway, I've got LOADS of work to do, so goodbye my lovely love.
Please write soon!
Love you loads and loads,
Sarah,
XXXXXX
October 26th
Dear Stuart,
I'm sorry that I haven't written back sooner, but I've been so bloody busy (I've got two essays to do by Thursday). Thanks for your letter. It was so full of interesting news. I'm sorry you didn't get that promotion, but never mind.
Must dash now, as Carol and I are going to a party (!) on the third floor.
Will write again soon,
Sarah
X
November 10th
Dear Stuart,
God, I feel really bad for not writing back sooner. Crispin said that guilt is bourgeois but he says that about everything! I got to know Crispin really well at the party the other week, and he's actually really good fun. I think you'd like him. Just shows what a bad judge of character I am!
Crispin and I played a great joke on Carol last night. We put little holes in all her eggs and then blew out the insides, and then put the empty shells back in the fridge. It took hours, but it was worth it when we saw her face this morning. I nearly pissed myself and I thought Crispin was going to have a heart attack (don't tell anyone when you come down, but she deserved it, the miserable cow).
Anyway, write soon and tell me when you're coming down (I've had my hair cut really short so I hope you recognise me).
Crispin sends his love,
Yours, Sarah,
P.s. I am sorry to hear about you being made redundant.
November 15th
Stuart,
I tried ringing your mum last night but no one was in, listen - you CAN'T come down this Friday. I'm sorry, but I've got five essays to finish before the end of term and Professor Shirovski is going to put me on the sub-deans list if I don't do them.
Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'll make it up to you when I see you at the end of term.
Sarah,
P.s. STOP PRESS. Carol has dropped out of university with psychological problems. I always know she was mental.
December 6th
Stuart,
Phew! Finally got the sodding essays done. Crispin was a big help. I don't know what I would have done without him. Going to your brother's party on the 15th would be great, it was so sweet of him to think of me, but I'm afraid I won't be back. Term ends on the eighth, but Crispin has invited me to spend a week at his parent's house in Shropshire with his friends Tristram, Toby and Ben (they're great guys), so I probably won't be back until about the 18th.
Sorry to muck up your plans but will see you soon,
Sarah
December 17th
Stuart,
God, this letter is difficult to write, so I'd better just go ahead and write it. I won't be back for Christmas - Crispin's parents have invited me to go to Monaco with them until the New Year. As you've probably guessed, and Crisp and I are an item. I never meant for this to happen, but it did.
People say that it's difficult to have a relationship when you're living apart, and I guess they're right. Things haven't been going well between us for some time, and I suppose it's because I've changed. When I look back to how I was when we were going out it's like I'm looking back at someone else, a complete stranger.
I'm sorry to have done this to you but let's face it, it wouldn't have worked out. I'm sure you'll find someone else up in Mansfield. Try to forget about me.
Anyway, have a merry Christmas.
Sarah,
P.s. Please don't even write again.
User Reviews
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-03-10 13:11:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WINNER! http://www.ubersite.com/m/84913
Submitted by junyer (user info) at 2006-02-02 04:07:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://groups.google.com/group/net.jokes/msg/8d48fab5fdd49f1b?fwc=1
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-02-02 02:22:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is something else! and i know what.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-13 07:14:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Har Har
On the plus side the same thing happens to men so it's all good.
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-12-06 10:22:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think we've all lived this one, or something close to it.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-12-18 01:22:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Whether I have heard this before or not I am unsure, but I knew exactly what would happen after the first letter.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-12-18 01:08:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Oct. 26 = bad fucking news
Nov. 10 = last chance for repair
Nov. 15 = abandon! JUMP SHIP! BAIL! BAIL! BAIL!
i liked it
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2004-11-28 16:29:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2004-11-28 09:15:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"All of my love forever my darling,
Sarah,
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX"
"Love you loads and loads,
Sarah,
XXXXXX"
"Will write again soon,
Sarah
X"
"Yours, Sarah,"
"Sarah,"
"Sarah,
P.s. Please don't even write again."
She's a classy bitch ain't she?
Submitted by cushdybernard (user info) at 2004-11-28 08:31:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ummmm.Bitch?yea.
Crispin? I think he needs a punch on the forehead.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-11-28 05:49:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Admittedly, Stabby has gone quite nutso lately.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/52705#982266
However, I am with him on this one. I have seen this before, I just cannot put my finger on it. Same idea, same format, different words.
Now, I am not calling you a plagerizer, but this does reek.
And frankly, it sucked the first time around. Very cliche.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-11-28 05:47:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Sure, I never read a damn thing that isn't on ubersite. I listen to fucking NPR and do not READ shit outside of uber. You're a moron. NPR isn't exactly a TOP 40 radio station, prick.
I'm guessing a good majority of people here don't listen to NPR. And you know what? Someone who listens to NPR is probably MORE likely to read stuff that is outside of ubersite, jackass.
But you're right. You're fucking english and wouldn't know that. You are taking the typical snobby brit attitude to the extreme to defend your plagiarism. That's why it is going to be funny when I finally can link the source of the material...even if I have to scan a photo from a page in a book. I'll do it.
Face it, you're about to be found out. I'd just admit defeat right here and now. I'll be going to the local university on monday and calling NPR to request information on the show I heard that on. I'm going to find it..... You're fucking found out. Why bother arguing when you know right now....you are fucking busted. How can you get away with this shit? Just because you have a book that says this was written in 1950 or something and you've rewritten it to modern times? I don't have a clue.... All I know is, you stole this.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-11-28 05:43:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And unfortunatly, unlike you, i dont have the time or energy to keep staging this debate with faceless internet losers.
Dig up what you can find.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-11-28 05:41:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"I think you've pretty much admitted that I must listen to a radio show so I wouldn't read...so that's where you got your material. From a book."
--------
Thats what you said right? Cant you remember what you said a couple of minutes ago? No. I didnt admit that you listened to the radio.. you did:
-------------------------
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-11-28 04:21:29 (#)
Ranking: -1
I'm tired. You're damn lucky I heard this on the radio and didn't read it on the internet.
------------------------
And as for saying that you dont read outside of ubersite.. im calling you thick.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-11-28 05:35:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Dude, stick to your guns. You heard the story...from an OLD place. A book somewhere? Just admit it. You rewrote the fucker. Because you know what? I'm going to find it. I don't make this shit up, jackass. My arguements with people aren't over plagiarism by any means. So you know damn well if I heard it, I know that this shit you just wrote was stealing it.
I didn't dream up your post a week before it happened. Someone was reading from whatever source you stole from. I think you've pretty much admitted that I must listen to a radio show so I wouldn't read...so that's where you got your material. From a book.
There is no doubt in my mind you are a piece of shit liar. When I find it, will you leave ubersite forever or will you admit that you stole it? Because I will find it. Even if I have to call up the radio station and question the people there about it. I'm going to find out where that shit came from.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-11-28 05:30:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude, im english. I dont even know what the fuck NPR is. I assume its radio, because god knows you probably dont read outside of ubersite.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-11-28 05:27:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're right. My brother isn't a plagiarizing piece of shit motherfucker like you are. I know what I heard, and it is probable the vast majority of these people haven't heard what I did. Maybe if someone was tuned into NPR for the same show someone can verify I am right. I can only distribute -2's to put this post right where it belongs. You are a liar. I'm going to go through the archives of the shows I listen to and I'm going to find the fucker. You're just lucky this one isn't quick and easy to pin down....but you know as well as I do, you are wrong. You're hoping I can't find the source but I will. Oh, I will.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-11-28 05:23:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lying sack of shit stealing material bastard.
Now you claim it is common? I heard this exact same story put in letter format.... The only exception is that the greetings went from "my dearest so and so" to "dear" to "to" to "To whom it may concern." And the story is too similar to ignore.
You're a lying sack of shite, bro. So I've punished you accordingly for my own personal well being. Tough luck, better luck next time. Steal somewhere I haven't heard it from.
--------------------------------
Bullcrap, StabKill, bullcrap
With a name like 'StapKill' I imagine you hear a lot of things that you cant prove... like voices telling you to burn things, right?
Im glad you feel that youve punished me 'according to you own personal wellbeing,' i wouldnt want you to turn into a lego-playing, raw-meat eating lunatic.
And im not your brother.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-11-28 05:22:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
There is no question you are a thief.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-11-28 05:18:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Lying sack of shit stealing material bastard.
Now you claim it is common? I heard this exact same story put in letter format.... The only exception is that the greetings went from "my dearest so and so" to "dear" to "to" to "To whom it may concern." And the story is too similar to ignore.
You're a lying sack of shite, bro. So I've punished you accordingly for my own personal well being. Tough luck, better luck next time. Steal somewhere I haven't heard it from.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-11-28 05:14:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Go for it.
Admittidly, its pheasable that you find something similar, because i imagine this is quite a common event, and amusing one as well.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-11-28 05:12:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Now you've gone ahead and lied. You are a fool. I'm going to stick this one in your face, fag.
The second I find it, and I will. I always do. So fuck yourself. You're busted moron.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-11-28 05:09:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Stabkill, your full of shit.
Keep making posts about eating blacks or whatever.
I think lowbrow-gross out posts are all your capable of.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-11-28 04:21:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I'm tired. You're damn lucky I heard this on the radio and didn't read it on the internet.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-11-28 04:11:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I'm going to bust you when I find that material.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2004-11-28 04:05:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was really.
Good.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-11-28 04:05:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Unoriginal. I've heard this exact same story before and it was done better...
The letter went from "my dearest" to "to whom it may concern" .... OLD OLD OLD. I want to think I heard it on NPR, but I'm trying to find a source on the net. There is no question about it... SIMILAR AS HELL.
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2004-11-28 03:47:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I couldn't read this cause I knew where it was going, and I've been there. Shit, I'm still there. Good luck.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-11-27 20:20:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ouch.
Don't worry though: any girl who'd go for a guy with a name like "Crispin" (what is he, a fucking cereal?) isn't worth your time.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-11-27 17:34:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-11-27 16:20:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It really kills me to put this in my post, after so many people expressed such sympathetic sentiment. However, this is ficton. If you read my past posts, you wil discover that I am a student, and so being made redundant/passed over for promotion couldn't happen. Also, if you go to williamson's Uber ASL post, at http://www.ubersite.com/m/52781, then when you look at my name, iago, then you will find that I live in Shropshire... and who, in this story came from Shropshire? Thats, right Crispin. I could'nt say this earlier, as I was on the train for 6 hours, coming home from University for the weekend.
So, 'goleavesgo' when you so kindly pointed out that this was set in December, it was because this is a major holiday in which a boyfriend would really be expecting to see his girlfriend, but because he gets dumped on the 17th, in the last few days of Christmas, it would make it more upsetting and ruin is holidays.
Cmon people.. I camwhored on my post 'free money and camwhore!' http://www.ubersite.com/m/52565 ... ask yourself.. whay FOOLISH female would dump me? Comeonnnn!!!
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-11-27 15:33:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-11-27 15:21:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Said it before, and I'll say it again... I've given up on chicks. I'm takin up the cack.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-11-27 15:04:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by goleafsgo (user info) at 2004-11-27 13:17:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
uhhhh...december hasn't started yet...
-----------------------------------------------------------
Who said it was this year?
-Davros
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-11-27 14:36:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BORED AT MOTHERFUCKING WORK!!!!!!!!!
This is B@W worthy, without a doubt.
Submitted by Slypher (user info) at 2004-11-27 14:23:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, you got FUCKED.
Submitted by PrettyBondage (user info) at 2004-11-27 14:07:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i knew this was going to end badly. at least you dont have to put up with any more letters from Mrs Clause...man, all that Honey-Bunny Sugar-Lamb crap was about to make me spew, which is funny considering i can be pretty sappy. you deserve better. best of luck to you!
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2004-11-27 13:46:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You should have dumped her ass in November.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2004-11-27 13:41:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're well shot of her. Anyway, she probably had a thing for your brother.
Good luck to you, and good luck to Sarah and Tarquin...Cuthbert...whatever his name is.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-11-27 13:25:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So true!
Submitted by goleafsgo (user info) at 2004-11-27 13:17:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
uhhhh...december hasn't started yet...
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-11-27 12:57:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel your pain.
-Davros
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-11-27 12:39:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
chin up mate
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-11-27 12:39:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Women suck....
They take your heart, and your wallet...
I have proof...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/52723
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2004-11-27 12:23:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by GlitchCowman (user info) at 2004-11-27 12:20:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn...
Submitted by Kamargo (user info) at 2004-11-27 11:32:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking bitch, hope she gets an STD or something man, I feel for you
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-11-27 11:15:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That bitch.
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-11-27 11:06:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked this. +2
Submitted by Demolocke (user info) at 2004-11-27 11:02:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-11-27 10:44:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, I've SEEN this before but it's still great entertainment...and REALLY happens in 75.67% of all boyfrined/girlfriend split by college/distance cases.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-11-27 10:37:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's funny because it's true.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-11-27 09:25:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAH
Pure PWNography...
Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2004-11-27 09:16:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-11-27 09:12:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hated this.... It made me so angry because I've watched the same thing happen in front of my face with two previous girls. "Oh I love you so much I'll never leave you" melo-dramatic shite, and then a year or two down the line they won't shut up about some guy who just started working with them/studying with them but "He's ugly, just fun that's all"...
I don't need to say what happened next with either of the bitches. Neither of them were away at Uni which makes me more bitter.
I'm madly in love with a girl now and we been together for nearly 5 months, can't help but think the same thing will happen again no matter how much we love each other. I hate life.
Submitted by CaptainAmik (user info) at 2004-11-27 09:08:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OUCH
Submitted by Ivy (user info) at 2004-11-27 09:00:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ain't love the sweetest thing?
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2004-11-27 08:56:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking bitches.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2004-11-27 08:41:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great work. You really could just feel the love leave the room.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-11-27 08:37:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-11-27 08:27:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked this, I thought you captured the changes in tone very well.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-11-27 08:22:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking pwned.