If We're Gonna do This, Let's do it Right (1004 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.31 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Nomad <Drainoe.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-11-27 16:01:41 EST
http://www.ubersite.com/m/52746
http://www.ubersite.com/m/52757
That's right, I'm breaking it off. And while doing it, I'm going to strike a blow for chumps like me everywhere. This is for you guys.
But I'm gonna do it the right way. I'm gonna wait.
Wait until we're out again and run into a few old friends. We'll all be sitting around chatting and laughing about old times. My girlfriend will be talking to one of her little slut friends about the guys shes fucked this year (just out of earshot of course).
She'll come back over and sit down next to me. That all to familiar vibe will be there. The "don't let Scott in on the secret" vibe. Her friends will avoid eye contact with me. Certain topics, like her sucking off a couple guys she just met at a party, on the west side, in august, will be brushed upon and brushed off. And as we chat, I'll steer the conversation to more sex talk. And then I shall begin.
"Haha, yeah man, I remember back in August I was hanging out with my friend on the west side of manchester. We went over to this guys house and he was telling us about how this chick sucked him and his friend off. I'd like to run into that chick. Seriously, a girl like that must have more STD's than James Bond, but hey, just wear a rubber! Hahaha!!
You know, that reminds me of what I was doing in August. If I remember correctly, her name was michelle, or mary or some damn M name. That girl was the freakiest chick in New England, I swear to GOD man!"
Then I'll lean in and say something softly to one of the guys about bukkake, loud enough in certain places so that words like, "On her face" "jizzbomb" can be heard.
"Haha, and after I got done she started choking! Sluts, gotta love em. Hey, any of you guys ever fuck a girl face to face? They go fuckin nuts man! They looooove that shit!"
Then I think I'll have my girlfriends attention. I'll keep talking to the crowd, keep them laughing.
"Hey, what can I say, I love to fuck, but who doesn't right? Haha, until I met you babe," as I put my arm around her and smile sweetly, "I was pretty wild. It's nice that I've finally met a good girl for once."
I'll let that statement sink in and as I watch the faces around me go slack with dumbfoundness, I'll drop the bomb:
"Oh, yeah, well I mean, I know, she's not always been that way, haha. But she is now. Yeah, she's a good girlfriend. I've learned that sex doesn't really matter. Besides, once she's done with those treatments", at this point I lean in and say quietly to her, "you know, from all that shit you caught from all the guys you've fucked, I'M SURE THERE WILL BE NO REST IN MY SEX LIFE CAUSE EVERYONE HERE KNOWS THAT I HAVE THE NASTIEST, FREAKIEST SLUT IN ALL OF NEW ENGLAND AS MY GIRL.
CAN I GET A HELL YEAH?!"
Then I get up, say, "Nice knowing ya. Next time you find a nice guy, don't treat him like a chump. I'm getting out of here. Have fun at this party, I know you will."
*wink*
And then I walk out the door without another word.
I'm done being a chump. I'm done being used. I'm done being nice. Fuck that shit.
User Reviews
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2004-11-30 19:25:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright dude!!
Post how it all turns out later.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-11-30 19:04:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's definately the way to go!
Just don't lose your resolve - once you're committed - go with both barrels.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-11-29 08:27:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-11-27 16:28:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Something tells me that this is going to blow up in your face.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-11-27 18:48:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You had fuckwell better be right if you go about it this way.
Want to hear a story? Of course you do.
I had a really good friend who royally fucked what was probably the best thing she's had going in all the time I've known her. She thought her boyfriend had cheated on her so she went out and fucked (oh yes F-U-C-T fuct) a guy who meant absolutely nothing to her just so it would get back to her boyfriend. Why? cause he ain't gonna do ME that way.
Well, she was wrong, dead wrong. He hadn't done anything and there was confirmation of this.
The relationship crashed and burned and all because she pulled the trigger on her own little revenge plot.
There is a Salt n Peppa song in all of that somewhere.
I still think you should start out this whole thing by talking to her about it. I would be really surprised if she's just playing you like Hidden thinks because let's face facts here, it's so much easier for women to hook up than men. We just don't go to all this trouble, unless we are evil, spiteful, cold hearted bitches..ok maybe she's playing you.
Have I mentioned lately that there is no way in hell that I could be a lesbian not even if one of them had a dick?
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2004-11-27 17:02:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hell yea. a definite kicker of all ass
Submitted by Kazzerax (user info) at 2004-11-27 16:46:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by heyzues (user info) at 2004-11-27 16:15:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin A, man, FUCKIN A!
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-11-27 16:41:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice
Submitted by PrettyBondage (user info) at 2004-11-27 16:29:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i hate to say it, but that's acutally a good break up idea. i should catalog that one....
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-11-27 16:28:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Something tells me that this is going to blow up in your face.
Submitted by Worm (user info) at 2004-11-27 16:24:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's official. You're my hero.
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-11-27 16:22:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i think that looks worse on you... to be brutally honest.
maybe just tone it down a bit
Submitted by heyzues (user info) at 2004-11-27 16:15:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin A, man, FUCKIN A!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-11-27 16:12:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
His BEST idea would be to jump off the top of a building, like some dork did off of the Empire State Building yesterday.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-11-27 16:10:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I, for some reason, think that maybe this is not the best idea you ever had.
Submitted by uberdick (user info) at 2004-11-27 16:06:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
When you kiss your gf, do you taste penis?
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-11-27 16:05:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know that that's the right way to go about it, but..
Rock on?