Meeting the Family-AKA the lunch date from hell-VERY long (709 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.25 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by TragicKingdom (View user info) at 2004-11-28 00:36:29 EST
I had been dating a guy named Josh for about 3 months when he decided that it
would be a good idea for me to meet his family. I figured it wouldn't be a problem
because I like meeting new people and ,hey, Josh was pretty cool so how bad could his
parents be right?...I wish I'd known the answer to that before I'd gone.
The day that I was due to meet Josh's family for lunch, he picked me up at 11:30
and I have to admit, I was pretty nervous. Josh assured me that everything would be fine
and his parents were going to love me, which made me feel better. Atleast it made me feel
better until we pulled up infront of Josh's parents house. And by house I mean huge ass mansion
with a friggin fountain in the middle of his front lawn.
A beautiful woman greeted us at the door, with a really cute little girl by her side (obviously
Josh's mother and his little sister Cara). I said hello to his mother, who asked me to call her Marina and shook her hand. I then tried to say hello to Cara. Cara immediately hid behind her mothers back, so I decided to try again. "you look very pretty today Cara" I said, which made the little girl smile. I smiled at Josh, thinking things were going well, when all of a sudden, Cara bit me. Thats right. The little brat BIT me! right on the arm. Then she started barking and growling at me. Josh's mother laughed it off as if this was normal for a child to do, and led me, rubbing my sore arm, into the dining room where the lunch was being served.
On the dining room table was a lunch that looked like it had been prepared to serve 15 instead of just five of us. It also looked as if Martha Stewart made it and decorated the table. Josh's dad was also sitting at the end of the table, waiting for us to sit down and join him.
We all sat down at the table, and Josh's family started asking me questions about myself and my family. I happily answered all of the questions as I ate my meal, thinking that things were starting to get a little better. Then i started feeling the table shake a little, then a lot more, and then Marina's drink spilled all down the front of her.
"WHO IS SHAKING THE TABLE!!!!!"
Then, the little brat Cara pointed to me. "SHE did it!" Cara squealed, and then immediately started crying. At this point I received death glares from Josh's parents and Cara.
Needless to say, the anger and tension eventually died down as we ate our meal, and we were just getting ready for dessert when THWAP! something hit me in the eye. I looked down at my plate and saw a soggy napkin lying on it. I looked to my left and saw Josh's father laughing maniacally at me (he had obviously thrown the soggy napkin). I then saw Josh dipping his napkin in his glass of water, and his mother aiming to toss her napkin at Cara. All hell broke loose for the second time during lunch as Josh's whole family proceeded to throw soggy napkins at eachother until the maid brought out dessert. I, of course, did not join in on this "napkin war", as I didn't want his family to yell at me again, so I just sat quietly until they were through.
Immediately following the napkin war, I swear it sounded like Jos'h father was speaking gibberish. Josh and Cara then joined their father in speaking gibberish as well, as Josh's mother laughed at whatever they were saying. It only took me until I heard Cara say "Osh-Jay I-Hay Ate-Hay Our-yay irlfriend-gay" to realize that his family was speaking in pig latin to try to confuse me. I quickly spoke up "i-hay ow-knay ig-pay atin-lay oo-tay", to which i got 3 angry glares and a look of surprise from josh. I was not impressed, but they did stop speaking in pig latin.
Finally, dessert arrived and out came the maid with one of the biggest, most delicious looking chocolate cakes that I have ever seen in my life. Then I realized that the cake had candles on it. "what the hell?!" my brain thought as i watched the maid bring the cake over to Josh's dad.
The whole fanily began to sing happy birthday to Josh's dad, and I joined in wondering why Josh didn't tell me that we were celebrating his father's birthday that day (I would have brought a card or something atleast, but I'd honestly had no idea). After they passed out the cake, Josh's mother went and retreived all of the gifts for Josh's dad. Then the whole family looked at me expectingly, waiting for me to give his father a gift. I, of course, had to admit that I had no idea that it was his father's birthday, to which his mother said"typical." This lunchime was definitely not going in my favour.
I watched intently as Josh's dad spent 45 minutes opening all of his boring gifts (socks, gloves, pens etc) when all of a sudden someone ripped the LOUDEST fart i have ever heard in my life. Josh's whole family immediately burst into peals of laughter, and I cracked a smile as well.
This farting and laughing continued for another few minutes and i was informed by Josh that it was "birthday tradition" to fart while the birthday person was eating their piece of cake. I was disgusted by this point and looking at the clock hoping to leave.
I finsihed my cake in silence and was hoping Josh would want to leave soon when Josh got the bright idea that we should sit around the organ in the living room and sing all of the songs we knew about lunch. It was at that point I made up a lame excuse about forgetting that I had a doctors appointment, and booted my ass out of that place.
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-11-28 15:06:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Maybe if you sucked my dick this story wouldn't fucking blow so much.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-11-28 14:52:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty good.
But hard to read.
Kind of "Staccato".
-Davros
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-11-28 13:22:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Boring.
Spellcheck!
Submitted by bodysnatcher (user info) at 2004-11-28 11:41:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I feel your pain my friend..ha ha
damn that would suck
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-11-28 09:26:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It wasn't that long.
Well worth the read.
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2004-11-28 08:32:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha that sucks. better luck next time i guess
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-11-28 05:56:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF! I'm not reading all that.
Just kidding, it was not that long. Unless you were refering to the lunch in your title as being long and no the post.
Welcome to Uber.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-11-28 01:34:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA fuck me, that's awesome!
Bienvenidos a Uber.
By the way that wasn't really long...
Submitted by Trouble514 (user info) at 2004-11-28 01:33:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"you look very pretty today Cara" I said, which made the little girl smile. I smiled
at Josh, thinking things were going well, when all of a sudden, Cara bit me. Thats right. The little brat BIT me! right on the arm."
LOL!!!!!
Submitted by Grim_Hippie (user info) at 2004-11-28 00:52:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rich people are weird.
Submitted by Roth (user info) at 2004-11-28 00:51:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
holy shit! lmao what the fuck is wrong with these people?!
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-11-28 00:44:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stick around. Marry him. Divorce him. Get his shit.
Zing!