WTF? Birth control issues. (1104 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.27 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <oleannder.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-11-28 02:47:06 EST
I have a pretty decent relationship with my boyfriends ex. They have a young child together & I thought it would be best if I stay on good terms with her so that I don't inadvertantly fuck up their co-parenting relationship. So she and I were talking on the phone the other day and we ended up discussing bith control for some unknown reason. It broke down like this:
Me (I just had one ovary removed) - I can't wait until I am allowed to start taking the pill again but the doctors say I have to wait a while.
Her - but you can't get pregnant when you only have one ovary.
Me (double checking) - 'scuse me?
Her - you can't get pregnant with only one ovary
Me - what idiot told you that?
Her - oh, my doctors said that one of mine was all messed up & that I'd probably never have kids.
Me - Yet you still managed to give birth to *name withheld*?
Her - uh, yeah.
Me - your doctor should be shot then.
I then proceeded to give her a 20 min lecture on the female reproductive system & bith control. I was seriously pissed. There were three possibilities running through my head - she made up all the crap she had mentioned before about her 'problem', her doctor was an idiot & she is gullible or she's just an idiot.
I really did not know that there were women like this out there who did NOT live in some trailer park in the south & were regulars on the Jerry Springer show. So just in case there are a few literate ones that stumble onto this site.... here are a few things that you need to know about birth control.
1) Condoms are not 100% effective. Best combination is a condom & the pill. The shot lasts longer but you really can't be sure when it loses it's effectiveness... besides there is no protection from STD's.
2) You can get pregnant even if he 'pulls out'. In fact you can get pregnant if both sets of naked genitals touch each other as even a single drop of semial fluid contains millions of sperm.
3) You can get pregnant with one ovary. Thats why we have two of them chock full 'o' eggs ready to be fertilized.
4) you CAN'T get pregnant from oral sex. Unless you are a medical marvel. Better yet, have him go down on you instead.
5) women are most fertile a week and a half before their period. Be extra careful.
6) You can get pregnant DURING your period.
7) for women with allergies to latex try combining the following: sponge, film, spermicidal foam/jelly, diapragm, norplant implant blah blah blah... just be sure to find some way to protect yourself from STD's as well.
In other words, grow the fuck up & learn about this stuff. What really frightens me is that the people getting pregnant will be the ones to teach the next generation about birth control. Pretty soon white trash & welfare gobblers will outnumber us all & kill us for food. I hope I taste bad.
User Reviews
Submitted by Phate (user info) at 2004-12-03 02:36:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAR HAR PEENER!!!!
Have a +2
Enjoy Maggie!
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2004-11-29 17:36:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty soon white trash & welfare gobblers will outnumber us all & kill us for food. I hope I taste bad.
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hahahahahahahah I'm gonna be watching some of my neighbors reeeeal close now
Submitted by Ex_Lux_Astrum (user info) at 2004-11-29 17:24:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2004-11-28 15:33:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
'nunnery' was slang for whorehouse in Shakespeare's day
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Yo, Jo_of_the_golden_Shower............
"The meaning of the word nunnery in Hamlet is one of those things that everyone seems to remember thinking about in a high-school class, but no one can quite recall the details of. Let's get the obvious out of the way first: the word nunnery means 'a convent', and has since the thirteenth century.
The evidence for nunnery in the sense 'brothel' during this period is not large. The existing citations--from Nashe, Fletcher, and others--generally show that the word was used in a highly contextual manner, when the whole frame assumed a series of puns and double entendres. The word is not used in neutral situations where one "knows" the meaning, which is not otherwise mentioned. So the assertion that the meaning 'brothel' would have been "obvious" or "crystal clear" to an audience at the time is at best dubious.
In Hamlet, the "nunnery" exchange happens just after the "To be or not to be" speech. In the space of thirty lines, Hamlet tells Ophelia five times to go to a nunnery, in slightly different forms. While it is a matter of interpretation, an honest reading strongly suggests that Hamlet is using the literal sense here. He speaks against having children ("Why wouldst thou be a breeder of sinners" [some critics feel that this should be punctuated as "Why, wouldst thou be a breeder of sinners," with the "Why" an interjection, not an interrogative]), tells her to distrust men ("We are arrant knaves all; believe none of us"), tells her not to marry and disparages the institution of marriage ("I say we will have no moe [more] marriage").
It makes perfect sense, under the circumstances, for Hamlet to be telling Ophelia to go to a convent and remove herself from the fleshly world. To assume that Hamlet is really referring to a brothel would go completely against the character of everything he is saying. "
Allyson McCollum
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-11-29 08:21:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There you are. Glad to see you are alive and well!
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2004-11-28 19:37:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
People like that should be forced to ride on the short bus for their entire lives
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-11-28 19:34:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
At my university, the health services has a huge box of condoms with a sign attached saying, "One per student per visit". I don't see how anyone could be stupid enough to not use anything, considering there are free options on campus, but apparently there are. Asides from that, I always have a couple with me, in case the guy isn't prepared.
My cousin's ex-girlfriend refused to use condoms, because she said they ruined the sensation, and wouldn't go on the pill because she was scared her father would find out. She got pregnant and had an abortion like it was nothing. I don't get it. How can she use abortions like birth control?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-11-28 19:28:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
So uninteresting I just farted.
Submitted by GlitchCowman (user info) at 2004-11-28 19:19:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn...I've done extensive research on my own to decide on a form of protection. I'm too damned paranoid, but I guess that's a good thing.
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2004-11-28 17:51:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The worst part about the whole thing is that she isn't a teenager and is even older then I am. A grown woman in her 30's should know something about the reproductive system.
Personally, I beleive in men being 'fixed'.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-11-28 16:28:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
is villainize a word?
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-11-28 16:19:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
pretty soon all we(males)'re going to need is RISUG
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-11-28 15:51:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What a moron.
There was a girl I went to high school with who had been fucking random guys since she was twelve...I told her, "you should really look into getting on the pill, it's free, it's easy," etc etc etc...she bitched at me for "lecturing" her. Her reasoning for not needing birth control?
"I haven't gotten pregnant yet!"
OHHH that's so SMART of you. Well shit, I'm gonna stop wearing my seatbelt because I haven't gotten in a fucking CAR ACCIDENT yet. Idiot.
She's got a kid now. Poor, poor kid.
Check this out too (another option that people keep fucking up and confusing):
http://www.ubersite.com/m/20041
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2004-11-28 15:33:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'nunnery' was slang for whorehouse in Shakespeare's day
Submitted by Ex_Lux_Astrum (user info) at 2004-11-28 15:21:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
" 7) for women with allergies to latex try combining the following: sponge, film, spermicidal foam/jelly, diapragm, norplant implant blah blah blah... just be sure to find some way to protect yourself from STD's as well. "
Goddamn, woman....if you have to go through all that, just "...get thee to a nunnery", or sew the damn thing shut.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-11-28 14:43:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1) Condoms are not 100% effective. Best combination is a condom & the pill.
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Even the most careful people can sometimes get a surprise.
-Davros
Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2004-11-28 14:35:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A testament to the outside chance involved with birth control:
The fact that I could even leave this comment. My mother was using an IUD at the time I was conceived, and those little things have a 98% prevention success rate.
This means I must have inherited some kick ass sperm.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-11-28 14:24:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel your pain. The county I live in has the highest rate of teen pregnancies in the state, and in high school I became resident birth control advisor because I was one of the few who read up on the stuff. There was one girl in particular I remember who had three abortions all before graduating. Why they (it was always with the same guy) couldn't get the hang of contraception, I have no idea. Hell you can go to a clinic and get free freakin bc. It's such a losing battle with some people.
I especially can't stand women who think it's men's responsibility to always have condoms, etc. Uhh, you're the one who's going to get stuck with the problem, not him. Take responsibility dammit and protect yourself.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-11-28 12:37:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Shit. I wondered why I keep having to fork out for abortions everytime I cum in someone.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-11-28 12:33:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Pour a drop of superglue into your peehole and wait for it to dry. Failsafe contraception.
Submitted by Grim_Hippie (user info) at 2004-11-28 12:30:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It should also be noted that "double bagging" condoms does not work.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-11-28 12:17:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-11-28 12:08:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-11-28 09:34:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
is it just me, or is the smell of a condom just after you rip the foil packet the worst smell in the world?
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Why are you smelling it? It goes on your dick, not your nose silly!
Submitted by bodysnatcher (user info) at 2004-11-28 11:37:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
best method of birth control....
push her ass down the stairs...
talk about throwing the baby out with the bathwater, huh?
for the sake of preventing everyone from thinking I'm a complete asshole..I'll say this:
Just fuckin around guys and gals
Submitted by MoonStone (user info) at 2004-11-28 11:18:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
----
2) You can get pregnant even if he 'pulls out'. In fact you can get pregnant if both sets of naked genitals touch each other as even a single drop of semial fluid contains millions of sperm.
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O_O......wait WHAT?.....SHIT *runs to get condoms*
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-11-28 10:23:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've got one for you. The first person I knew who got an abortion got pregnant because her boyfriend told her that he was sterile. Turns out he uh wasn't. This was high school, 10th grade I think. When cornered and drilled about it, he said that he thought he was sterile because, get this, he didn't have any hair on his chest.
I mean come on how do most people find out they can't have kids? They try, can't, and then go to a doctor where they find out they have a low sperm count or some such shit. How many 16 year olds would have gone through that.
I'm still pissed.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-11-28 09:34:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
is it just me, or is the smell of a condom just after you rip the foil packet the worst smell in the world?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-11-28 07:51:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2004-11-28 07:33:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Charles Darwin would be spinning in his grave
Those without the brains forget the dom and reproduce.
Those with brains remember the rubber and don't.
Goodbye Evolution.
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You are fucking brilliant! Forget what I said about your mother.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2004-11-28 07:33:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Charles Darwin would be spinning in his grave
Those without the brains forget the dom and reproduce.
Those with brains remember the rubber and don't.
Goodbye Evolution.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-11-28 07:08:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Uh... Like welcome back and stuff...
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-11-28 03:55:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm not going to comment on the birth control issues, but the part about oral sex made me remember a roommate of mine from college who seriously, truly believed that women could get pregnant from anal sex. As he put it, "It's all connected inside, isn't it?"
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-11-28 03:28:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Also, try not having sex, its the only 100% foolproof method of birth control.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-11-28 03:18:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You should fuck him and tell the cops he raped you.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-11-28 02:58:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
WTF? Post control issues.
I am now smarter for reading this. I really want to just be a smartass and -2, but deep down i know you are trying to make the world a better place by fighting the good fight and getting stupid peopleto stop breeding. So in the end I have to +1 it.
Good day kind lady.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-11-28 02:56:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
*cough* Feminist *cough*