Sexual history Part Deuce... (729 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.75 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chinaski (View user info) at 2004-11-28 20:56:19 EST
Back in the day, I had a very attractive girlfriend. The way we hooked up was as follows:
It was my Senior year of high-school and her Junior year. Actually, I was currently hooking up with an old friend who was attending UC Berkeley. One night I went over to her house and licked her neck in a drunken frenzy. My licking eventually wore down her resolve to not ruin a good friendship and within weeks, I was hitting her pipe with the trepidity of a virgin (i.e. getting high before we fucked) and she was refusing to suck my pipe with the temerity of a retired plumber. Is trepidity a word? It sucked... well, no, it didn't... not getting sucked off, but it was fun slurping at her bullet-like nipples and then sticking it in.
Then one day, as I sat beneath my favorite pine tree at school, a vision of oddity approached me. It was who was soon to be my first real girlfriend. I don't count the Berkeley girl because I never really cared for her (other than her vagina, I cared for that). She came up to me, lounging back and playing the card-game "Spoons" with my nerdy friends, me, with my long, flowing, curly dark-blonde locks and deep, sea-blue eyes... she came up to me...
"Hey. Wanna go out?"
*Splutter*
"BITCH, I'm playing SPOONS! What the FUCK you..."
Wait... wait... this girl had an amazing rack! (And, I assumed, a nice pussy. I don't know how I knew, some mysterious sense was speaking to me...)
"Get your hand out of my pussy! I said, 'Want to go out?'" she repeated.
"Oh... oh yeah."
"And stop masturbating and saying 'oh yeah' like a Priest in the confessional box!"
Err... I gathered myself up. Then, zipping up to make sure I couldn't pop out again, I spoke:
"Umm.. I have a girlfriend right now." (DUMBASS! Well, I was a foolish Highschooler).
"So?"
Umm...
"Well... yeah... we aren't really going out anymore anyway..."
"Then meet me behind the school after class today and KISS ME LIKE YOU'VE NEVER KISSED ANYONE BEFORE!"
Holy SHIT!
The day flew by. Eventually math was over. I ran outside... and there she was! Looking HOT in her amazingly tight clothes, I might add. Her uncle was RICH. REALLY RICH. He gave her LOTS of money when they saw each other. Just a second, I need to hit up my snuss (that's snuffin' tobacco for you yokels). Ahh. Heighten your tobacco experience. Anyway, so she had nice, expensive clothes. And also, for some reason her family appeared to approve of her dressing like a slut. I suppose as practice to bag a nice rich husband; she was a foreigner and those are their mysterious ways.
So I leaned in and... she opened her mouth like a starving gila monster. I tried to kiss her, honestly I did, but there was just so much tooth, and then wildly flapping tongue in the way. Good lord, this girl had never kissed anyone before! How was that possible!?
Later, as I slurped on her glorious, perfectly formed, 36-c tits, she said other boys thought she was "too exotic", or that she thought she frightened them off. I was the ninth boy she had approached out of the blue to ask out. Sweet christ, was she horny.
So the sex... didn't begin. I let loose that I had fucked a hoe, and had to get a battery of sex-disease tests that would leave me devoid of pints of blood, semen, and any trust of elderly male doctors ever again.
But finally it was time for some great sex. The fateful day came. I could barely fit my engorged boner in her astoundingly tight pussy. Was her pussy a Hebron banker? Christ! I pried it apart like said Hebron banker's wallet and managed to shove, as gently as an out-of-control steam shovel falling down a steep slope, in.
"AGH, AGHHHHHH!" she screamed in, I prudently assumed, ecstacy. "GET OUT! GET OUT!" she urged me on, the frantic rolling of her eyes and tongue biting belying her pleasure. Eventually, after pleasuring her as much as any girl wants to be pleasured (~1 minute), I erupted inside her. Oh no... the condom ruptured!
Just kidding, but I bet you shit yourself at that line. Go ahead, lube up! My cousin typed that line while I was in the bathroom, lubi... taking a shit.
So then there came a time, a glorious time, when we were to share a hotel room in LA because I was nerdily in Academic Decathlon and we won city. We were going to LA for free! (I was in the under 3.0 gpa category of ACADECA, so fuck you! And I won a shitload of medals!)
Somehow she finnegaled her way to come along. This was the big moment! (To have hella sex, you see.) I brought condoms.
But we got there, and her "guilt" prevented her from having sex with me!! Christ almighty. So she sucked me mightily multiple times in a row. Girls... I'll never figure them out.
To be Cunt(mmm)inued.
-Chinaski
User Reviews
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2004-11-29 20:48:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2004-11-29 15:12:58 (#)
Ranking: 0
shlongy: part "deuce" means part II, my boorish fool.
that means part three would be next! (spoken in the voice one usually reserves for ridiculing hapless fools)
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Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-11-29 11:16:58 (#)
Ranking: 0
Let's skip part 2 and be happy with your 0.
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You just earned a -1 from the zero I was going to give you.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2004-11-29 15:12:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
shlongy: part "deuce" means part II, my boorish fool.
that means part three would be next! (spoken in the voice one usually reserves for ridiculing hapless fools)
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-11-29 11:16:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Let's skip part 2 and be happy with your 0.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-11-29 08:24:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhh... memories.
Submitted by Xile (user info) at 2004-11-29 06:12:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
bit hard to read in places but overall quite good