my life is spiraling out of control... (524 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.83 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Casey_Jones (View user info) at 2004-11-29 01:38:01 EST
Hey all. I know, it's been awhile for me (nearly a year, come to think of it), but I'm back. Just in time for damn near everything good in my life to give me the finger at once.
Do not misunderstand. This is not a "I hate my life, I'm emo, please kill me but let me write a poorly written song about it first" type of thing. I enjoy living, just not how things while I'm doing so are panning out at present. People who recall my post "Incomplete Love Triangle" (it's in my submission history; check it out) might recall that whole situation. Well here we all are, roughly six months or so later, and I've managed to alienate and fall harder for her, while she and my best friend are now declared as "together" (took 'em damn long enough. christ). So there's that.
I've got another girl I'm getting really close with, but she's transferring at the end of the year. I probably won't see her at all once she transfers, so this year is pretty much "it" as far as anything that could happen between us. I feel we could actually have something, and pretty much just as we figure that out, she's made the decision she hates this school and wants out(nothing to do with me, it's a private Catholic university; you try having a sex life when your hook-up has to be out by 1). It wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't feel like I clicked with her so well. So there's that.
Classes are crazy this semester; the new head of my department is a censorship freak adrenaline-infused whackjob who doesn't realize that sophomores can't (or shouldn't) take senior-level courses without taking the pre-requisites first. The one class I find most interesting I'm somehow pulling a D in (Classical Political Thought; trust me, it's interesting when he's not on the soapbox about philosophy). Topping things off in the grade section of this rambling, my department has this thing called "practicum"; you do work outside of class, independently, for a grade. Well the project I'm working on isn't even off the ground yet and it's two or three weeks to finals. I'm boned.
I've also recently destroyed a friendship I had with a girl who goes to this school in NJ. I made some minor mistakes, and she overreacted, and then I overreacted, and it was just a big overreaction fest. She hasn't spoken to me since this all happened, aside from expecting me to just "figure out what to do on my own" regarding how to make things better between us. I've done all that I can think to. I'm at a loss, honestly.
Oh, and i realized over Thanksgiving that for the most part, my family brings out the worst qualities I see in myself. Makes you feel right at home. Especially when you actually love your family, and you know they love you, but this still happens. My family is based on a long-standing tradition of denial: "your cousin isn't gay; it's just a phase" "your uncle isn't mentally disabled; he's just slower than most people" "your father wasn't a drunk; he just had trouble with alcohol for a decade". The sad part is, for awhile there, I believed them. But I love them anyway.
So that's pretty much my life right now. I know, "it could be worse". But you know what? The minute someone admits that, the shitstorm almost always starts, doesn't it?
Take your optimism to Disney; Eisner could use the pick me up about his employment future.
User Reviews
Submitted by Casey_Jones (user info) at 2004-11-29 10:55:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the comments guys. I tried groveling to the girl in NJ by the way, and was only met with nasty remarks and insults. So I don't know where to go from here.
Thanks for the sympathy Lyric and Matt; it helps to know people know what I'm going through.
PS- I know it could be worse. Try reading the last lines of the post jackass.
Submitted by UrfTheWog (user info) at 2004-11-29 09:14:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Just think if life was a flat line of mediocrity - woohoo. You have to have plow through the shit to enjoy the beauty of roses. I went hiking the other day and reached a very steep and long part of the trail. I could barely catch my breath, had to stop a number of times, and was telling myself I had to turn back since I'm so friggin out of shape. Then I thought about my brother with rheumatoid arthritis who can barely walk. My pathetic whining made me angry and was meaningless, so I plodded on and finished the hike to enjoy some of the best views in CT.
Dude, you're not even close to hitting bottom yet. Stop your bitchin', have a few beers, grunt out the rest of school, lay off all the sugar, go for a long run, and be thankful for what you have. We all need the struggles of life to appreciate the good stuff.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-11-29 08:48:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I feel your pain sweetie. I have one piece of advice for you: Enjoy college now, because once you get out, you're going to wish your only problems were girl woes, family drama, and hard classes. Trust me on this one.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-11-29 08:26:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I will never understand the pain men put themselves through for sluts... good luck with that whole thing, man.
Submitted by CoreaPeekay (user info) at 2004-11-29 03:39:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've also recently destroyed a friendship I had with a girl who goes to this school in NJ. I made some minor mistakes, and she overreacted, and then I overreacted, and it was just a big overreaction fest. She hasn't spoken to me since this all happened, aside from expecting me to just "figure out what to do on my own" regarding how to make things better between us. I've done all that I can think to. I'm at a loss, honestly.
Eh, just go break down and start calling it a fuck up, tell her you were out of your mind and you've damn well learned your lesson, and try to talk her into getting over it. If shes teh sensitive type girl who doesnt like it when you feel bad about yourself, really start bashing yourself to hell and back.. let your sadness show, etc. It might work.
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-11-29 01:55:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwww.
Life likes to kick ya in the nuts sometimes. You just gotta let it do what it wants and then pick yourself up after it goes away.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-11-29 01:52:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
keep fighting the good fight. :)
i feel for ya man. i was 30 seconds away from writing one of these myself. i'll hold off until i can properly form sentences (see: age 45 or so).