Your favorite "leave me alone" line.. (795 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.83 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Thrice Palermo (View user info) at 2004-11-29 11:19:52 EST
So you sit down to a restaurant dinner with your sister and her gay lover and some woman carrying a bunch of roses catches your eye and says "would you like a rose for your lady?". Do you just give it the old "no thanks" or do you switch it up a little?
Lately Ive been using "No thanks, I am a christian scientist." They all sort of nod knowingly and walk away. I have no idea what christian scientists believe but it really sounds good.
This works for any inappropriate interruption including telemarketers.
I used to ask if they were chocolate flowers and then say something about the taste of the regular ones being a bit rough...no thanks.
I know a guy who would fire back non sequiters such as "I chew Tin Foil" or "My cats breath smells like cat food".
User Reviews
Submitted by Hunk (user info) at 2004-11-29 19:22:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I say "No thank you. I am a Thai hooker."
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-11-29 19:15:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-11-29 11:40:50 (#)
Ranking: 1
I just scream HERPES at the top of my lungs...
People tend to leave me alone.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-11-29 15:53:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
For telemarketers: 'My parents aren't home right now' because I sound like I'm 14 when I answer the phone. It's my 'polite' voice. Or else I go with the 'I don't have a phone' when people try to sell me long-distance. Whenever some one tries to do a survey, I tell them I work for the local daily newspaper and I'm a member of the media. They hang up right away.
The old 'I don't have any change' works for anyone asking for money on the street. Like those lousy girlguides I saw the other day.
Submitted by Ex_Lux_Astrum (user info) at 2004-11-29 15:26:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I usually just say, "Please, go fuck off and die."
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2004-11-29 14:41:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"No thanks, I just had my pants pressed."
That one runs in the family. It was my great-uncle's favorite line. Supposedly it is on his tombstone.
Submitted by PissedOffRightWingerWithAGun (user info) at 2004-11-29 14:40:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This was actually used by a professional comic on a telemarketer.
When the telemarketer called up and asked him to buy a new vacuum he started muttering about how glad he was that they called and that he had a spreading blood stain. He let the word body slip a couple of times.
I used this once, it only took 30 seconds for the telemarketer to hang up, especially since I had a friend of mine screaming about "blood all over the place" in the background
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-11-29 14:38:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"Look! A mathematical impossibility!" *run*
"Look! A large distracting object!" *run*
"I'm sorry, I've taken a vow of silence, and I haven't talked in 5 years, so I'm really trying to kee- OH, FUCK! SHIT!" *run away screaming and crying and begging for forgiveness from a random deity*
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-11-29 14:34:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Thanks, but I just picked up a book on the history of Super Glue, and I can't put it down.
Think about that one for a second.
Or, "I'd love to! How mu- Oh, I'm sorry, I've got to go. I hear my goldfish calling. Maybe next time."
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-11-29 14:27:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I support jgreening's idea, only with "Vagina" instead of "Herpes."
You have no idea how quiet a room full of strangers suddenly gets when you walk in and loudly announce; "VAGINA!!!"
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-11-29 14:26:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Don't fuckin' crowd me", nice & quite, looking right in their eyes...
Thanks to Tony Blundetto for that one.
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2004-11-29 13:04:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I always like this
Me: Sure I'll take one.
Them: That'll be 5 dollars.
Me: Whoa, bitch, you didn't say anything about money.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-11-29 12:42:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"i read in the paper that people that sell flowers are the leading carriers of venerial diseases and are the leading contribution to the outbreak of AIDs in Africa."
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2004-11-29 12:34:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I always manage to end up eating flower ladies.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-11-29 11:56:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Point to your ears and say straight out your nose: "I'm deaf".
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2004-11-29 11:47:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Dude... My hands are HUGE... They can touch anything but themselves... (clasps hands) ooooooowoooaaaah
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2004-11-29 11:44:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
just stare them in the eyes with a scared look on your face. don't respond to anything they do or say. just act like you're freaked out by them.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-11-29 11:40:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I just scream HERPES at the top of my lungs...
People tend to leave me alone.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-11-29 11:34:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"Go fuck yourself, dipshit" seems to deliver the message firmly, yet politely.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-11-29 11:31:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I always liked "No, thank you." :)
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-11-29 11:29:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i normaly walk off with the girls that sell flowers.
my dates are normaly ugly to boost my moral.