Above the law (part 6) (488 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Timmah http://www.these-bloody-hands.tk (View user info) at 2004-11-29 11:44:42 EST
http://www.ubersite.com/m/46416 - Part 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/48320 - Part 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/49095 - Part 3
http://www.ubersite.com/m/49565 - Part 4
http://www.ubersite.com/m/50872 - Part 6
He tried to ignore Pink's message. He desperately wanted to be able to switch off his own conscience and get to his meeting with Mr Worton. But possibilities ran over and over in his head. He couldn't leave a friend in the lurch. He had done it years previous with his best friend and he wasn't about to do it again.
He guessed Pinky would be at his apartment and spun his car around, making his way towards the old beat up Hartseys estate.
As he pulled past the town dump next to the estate he saw children of no older than five clambering in the garbage, salvaging bike parts and hurriedly taking them back to a pile. He saw once proud men, transformed into old, broken shells. Begging for food and spare change to feed their pet dog or their growing addictions. He shook his head and turned the last corner to Pink's block of flats.
He didn't need to ring a bell or knock on the door; it was already open and not through it's own choice. He started up the cold concrete steps towards the third floor where his friend lived. He was surprised at how badly Pinky was living considering he was paying him quite well. He made a conscious decision to give Pink a care package next time and get him out of this shit hole. He stepped over a recumbent body and knocked on Pink's door.
===============================================================================
"Shut the fuck up you scrawny piece of shit!" Shouted the hooded man. There were two men. Both of them wearing black hoods with holes cut out where the eyes were. They were inside a moving car, a smaller framed man gagged and bound on the seat between them whimpered and cried to himself.
"You stink! Why do you stink so bad!?" Said one of the hoods in broken english.
"The dirty little slag has shit himself!" Said the other in a particularly harsh cockney accent. Both men laughed and began taunting the gagged man.
Pink was praying that Jason had got his message. If he hadn't he was dead for sure. The problem was, Pinky didn't know just how insignificant he was in the general scheme of things. He didn't know he was being used as a lure.
"Okay we're getting close" said a third hood from the drivers seat. "Give him a ring"
===============================================================================
Jason stepped inside Pinky's flat and held his nose. It stank of mould and damp and looked almost as bad as it smelled.
A mobile phone rang from somewhere in the living room.
After a couple of minutes frantic hunting he found it and answered.
"Hello?" Jason stammered.
"Hello Jason" Replied the cockney accent.
"Who is this? Where is Pinky?" Jason blurted quickly.
"More important questions are to be answered Jason, like can you make it to Bur Street cafe in 10 minutes?" The voice gave a chuckle.
"Tell me what you have done with him!" The phone was dead. He threw the phone at the wall and began pacing up and down. So many questions entered his head it was hard to think. He couldn't single them out to answer them, they just spiralled out of control in his head moulding together and forming one giant mass of doubt and guilt. Where had he said to be in ten minutes? Bur street cafe! He ran out of the door and through the car park to his car.
==================
He checked the clock as he climbed into the drivers seat. 12:30pm he had been in Pink's longer than first thought. He had until twenty to one to get to Bur street café. He put his foot down.
He pulled up outside the café and began to make his way inside the building when a pay phone rang on the wall outside the door. He disobeyed all his urges telling him not to answer the phone and picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Hello Jason we have your friend Pink here would you like a word with him?" Mocked the voice
"Put him on!" Jason's voice was heavy and breathless.
"Jason!?" The voice came quick and shrill. It was choked and scared.
"Pink are you okay!? What have they done to you!?"
"Oh dear god just help me Jason" He sounded tired like he hadn't the energy to fight the men anymore.
"Pink I'll do everything I can" Jason had never meant anything as much as he meant the last sentence.
"Well Jason you've heard your friend is alive, now here is your part." The voice told Jason that it was a member of a group called E.M.A.S which stood for Ethnic Minorities against Arian Supremacies and that he wanted Jason to disband all militia divisions of the ATL, that and the release of five members of E.M.A.S who were prisoners at a high security prison in the North of England.
"You think I have that kind of power!?" Shouted Jason, terrified and excited.
"You will find a way Jason" The sinister voice was accentuated by a scream that sounded much like Pink.
"Okay okay just please, please" He sobbed into the phone "just don't hurt him"
To be continued.......
User Reviews
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-11-29 21:19:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ditto
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-11-29 21:19:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
B@W
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-11-29 21:04:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No wonder you are bitter that others get a higher hit count and average score than you, nobody reads or reviews the shit you write. You are certainly no judge of talent, considering you write boring shit such as this piece of work.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-11-29 14:45:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree with JMG. Try and work on the dialogue a little. It seems a bit forced in spots.
Otherwise, good post!
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-11-29 12:46:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Also I wanted an air of anoniniymity (sp) guess I didn't convey that very well hehe.
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-11-29 12:25:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeh I know what you mean Jared. I just find I don't want to fill the story with tonnes of dialogue but it ends up with not enough. Trying to get a happy medium is hard.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-11-29 12:04:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You write conflict very, very well. These are good situations. However, it tells a little too much, rather than showing. Especially in the part when, "The voice told Jason that..." you should be including the dialogue there, as opposed to reporting what the voice said. It's a good oppertunity to include some information about who Jason is up against.