Family reunions rock and they remind me how intelligent I really am. (424 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.43 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by sence (View user info) at 2004-11-30 00:34:33 EST
When I say that we have some seriously smart people in my family I'm not kidding. My aunt and uncle are both D.A.'s,my other aunt is contracted out from Boeing to N.A.S.A.(yes she's a rocket scientist),my father works in nuke plants,my cousin is a psychiatrist and my sister and my cousins girlfriend are nurses. I am a bartender\server so when we get together I'm usually on the low end of the intelligence spectrum. This thanksgiving however was one of the most enlightening experiences ever.
This year we got to meet Betty*. At first I thought Betty was okay, she seems nice enough and then she had to go and ruin everything. By talking. She said some of the most retarded** shit I have ever heard. Hers a few snippets......sound bites if you will.
"The thing I like about movies like waterworld and the day after tommorow is that they could really happen"
Okay, do I need to remind everyone of the fact that in waterworld Kevin Costners' character is half man and half fish.Gills,webbed feet and the whole nine.I'm not even gonna touch the whole day after tommorow thing.
While looking at our cousins pictures of her trip to the far east she asked my sister " Why do they have these statues of this fat guy"?
"Those are statues of buddha" My sister replied.
"Why do they have them though they're so ugly"? She asked.
"Thats their god" My sister offered. "It's the same as statues of jesus".
"But why,they're so fat and ugly"?
So I guess the depiction of christ being crucified with a gushing spear wound in his side,nails through his feet and hands and a crown of thorns that is slicing his forehead is tasteful? However, the statue of a golly fat man is repulsive.
Somehow the topic got on to abortion. She explained to stunned group of my family members how if you got an abortion you were a murderer and should just throw yourself off a bridge.
This is in the house of a gay couple who are hosting the reunion and her boyfriends mother is one half of THE gay couple. So for the most part everyone is liberal at these functions. Besides the fact that my aunt had to have an abortion to save her life. After having two misscairrages in a row she got pregnant and was bleeding to death due to complications with the pregnancy.She did however have three healthy kids. So this is kind of a touchy subject to bring up at the first family get together you've been to.Way to go Betty!
I don't know how you're family reunions go but ours is pretty much the same every year. The adults are inside talking politics and getting tanked(I'm talking Irish/Polish tanked) Na Zdrovie! The younger crowd is outside smoking weed and talking politics......and getting tanked. Na Zdrovie! So she is given the weed by her boyfreind to hold. She goes to bathroom in the house and loses the weed somewhere in the house. She doesn't want to go back in the house and look for it. She pawns the land mine duty off on her man.
So the weed is M.I.A. and she thinks it might have gotten washed down the toilet. Until the day we are leaving, she sees one of the aunts put a baggie of Oregano in the spice cabinet and swears they got her weed in there. She sends me and her man on a wild goose chase trying to divert attention away from the spice cabinet only to find Oregano.
You know? If it wasn't for vaginas,women would be useless.
*Names have been changed to protect the ignorant.Uhh...I mean innocent ....or something.
**I would like to apologize to all the retarded people of earth for associating them with betty in written form.
P.S. Don't give me a lecture on buddha not being the god of buddhism. I've read the book,save it.
User Reviews
Submitted by Critical_Mass (user info) at 2004-11-30 11:47:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by miss_behvn (user info) at 2004-11-30 10:18:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have family exactly like that. Wait, do you know my family?
Submitted by Worm (user info) at 2004-11-30 10:06:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Quiet, you kids! If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch
cartoons and Lisa doesn't get to go to college.
-- Homer Simpson
Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-11-30 09:49:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This could have been a funny story, but you left out any indication that someone would be in trouble if the weed was found. I got the impression as soon as the weed was entered into the conversation that the older folks were cool with the kids smoking the weed. There wasn't enough emphasis on the goose chase either...
This could have been a lot better. Some of it came out like you were showing off at how smart you are.
Still worth reading sums it up.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-11-30 09:26:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
There's one at every get-together, isn't there?
Submitted by Sofa_Ace (user info) at 2004-11-30 09:20:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ohh, my son doesn't stand a chance! The whole world has gone gay!
-- Homer Simpson
Homer's Phobia
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2004-11-30 00:36:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So your family thinks your dumb, and instead of showing compassion to a dumber person, you ridicule her. How mature.